michael-第28部分

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n　him　a　frankness　of　comradeship　that　meant　to　her　exactly　what　it　expressed。　　But　he　had　thought　otherwise；　he　had　imagined　that　it　would　grow　towards　a　culmination。　　All　that　（and　here　was　the　change　that　made　his　mind　blank　and　unfeeling）　had　to　be　cut　away；　and　with　it　all　the　budding　branches　that　his　imagination　had　pictured　as　springing　from　it。　　He　could　not　be　comrade　to　her　as　he　was　to　her　brotherthe　inexorable　demands　of　sex　forbade　it。

He　went　briskly　enough　through　the　clean；　dry　streets。　　The　frost　of　last　night　had　held　throughout　the　morning；　and　the　sunlight　sparkled　with　a　rare　and　seasonable　brightness　of　a　traditional　Christmas　weather。　　Hecatombs　of　turkeys　hung　in　the　poulterers'　windows；　among　sprigs　of　holly；　and　shops　were　bright　with　children's　toys。　　The　briskness　of　the　day　had　flushed　the　colour　into　the　faces　of　the　passengers　in　the　street；　and　the　festive　air　of　the　imminent　holiday　was　abroad。　　All　this　Michael　noticed　with　a　sense　of　detachment；　what　had　happened　had　caused　a　veil　to　fall　between　himself　and　external　things；　it　was　as　if　he　was　sealed　into　some　glass　cage；　and　had　no　contact　with　what　passed　round　him。　　This　lasted　throughout　his　walk；　and　when　he　let　himself　into　his　flat　it　was　with　the　same　sense　of　alienation　that　he　found　his　cousin　Francis　gracefully　reclining　on　the　sofa　that　he　had　pulled　up　in　front　of　the　fire。

Francis　was　inclined　to　be　querulous。

〃I　was　just　wondering　whether　I　should　give　you　up；〃　he　said。　　〃The　hour　that　you　named　for　lunch　was　half…past　one。　　And　I　have　almost　forgotten　what　your　clock　sounded　like　when　it　struck　two。〃

This　also　seemed　to　matter　very　little。

〃Did　I　ask　you　to　lunch？〃　he　said。　　〃I　really　quite　forgot；　I　can't　even　remember　doing　it　now。〃

〃But　there　will　be　lunch？〃　asked　Francis　rather　anxiously。

〃Of　course。　　It'll　be　ready　in　ten　minutes。〃

Michael　came　and　stood　in　front　of　the　fire；　and　looked　with　a　sudden　spasm　of　envy　on　the　handsome　boy　who　lay　there。　　If　he　himself　had　been　anything　like　that

〃I　was　distinctly　chippy　this　morning；〃　remarked　Francis；　〃and　so　I　didn't　so　much　mind　waiting　for　lunch。　　I　attribute　it　to　too　much　beer　and　bacon　last　night　at　your　friend's　house。　　I　enjoyed　itI　mean　the　evening；　and　for　that　matter　the　baconat　the　time。　　It　really　was　extremely　pleasant。〃

He　yawned　largely　and　openly。

〃I　had　no　idea　you　could　frolic　like　that；　Mike；〃　he　said。　　〃It　was　quite　a　new　light　on　your　character。　　How　did　you　learn　to　do　it？　It's　quite　a　new　accomplishment。〃

Here　again　the　veil　was　drawn。　　Was　it　last　night　only　that　Falbe　had　played　the　Variations；　and　that　they　had　acted　charades？　Francis　proceeded　in　bland　unconsciousness。

〃I　didn't　know　Germans　could　be　so　jolly；〃　he　continued。　　〃As　a　rule　I　don't　like　Germans。　　When　they　try　to　be　jolly　they　generally　only　succeed　in　being　top…heavy。　　But；　of　course；　your　friend　is　half…English。　　Can't　he　play；　too？　　And　to　think　of　your　having　written　those　ripping　tunes。　　His　sister；　toono　wonder　we　haven't　seen　much　of　you；　Mike；　if　that's　where　you've　been　spending　your　time。　　She's　rather　like　the　new　girl　at　the　Gaiety；　but　handsomer。　　I　like　big　girls；　don't　you？　　Oh；　I　forgot；　you　don't　like　girls　much；　anyhow。　　But　are　you　learning　your　mistake；　Mike？　　You　looked　last　night　as　if　you　were　getting　more　sensible。〃

Michael　moved　away　impatiently。

〃Oh；　shut　it；　Francis；〃　he　observed。

Francis　raised　himself　on　his　elbow。

〃Why；　what's　up？〃　he　asked。　　〃Won't　she　turn　a　favourable　eye？〃

Michael　wheeled　round　savagely。

〃Please　remember　you　are　talking　about　a　lady；　and　not　a　Gaiety　lady；〃　he　remarked。

This　brought　Francis　to　his　feet。

〃Sorry；〃　he　said。　　〃I　was　only　indulging　in　badinage　until　lunch　was　ready。〃

Michael　could　not　make　up　his　mind　to　tell　his　cousin　what　had　happened；　but　he　was　aware　of　having　spoken　more　strongly　than　the　situation；　as　Francis　knew　of　it；　justified。

〃Let's　have　lunch；　then；〃　he　said。　　〃We　shall　be　better　after　lunch；　as　one's　nurse　used　to　say。　　And　are　you　coming　to　Ashbridge；　Francis？〃

〃Yes；　I've　been　talking　to　Aunt　Bar　about　it　this　morning。　　We're　both　coming；　the　family　is　going　to　rally　round　you；　Mike；　and　defend　you　from　Uncle　Robert。　　There's　sure　to　be　some　duck　shooting；　too；　isn't　there？〃

This　was　a　considerable　relief　to　Michael。

〃Oh；　that's　ripping；〃　he　said。　　〃You　and　Aunt　Barbara　always　make　me　feel　that　there's　a　good　deal　of　amusement　to　be　extracted　from　the　world。〃

〃To　be　sure　there　is。　　Isn't　that　what　the　world　is　for？　　Lunch　and　amusement；　and　dinner　and　amusement。　　Aunt　Bar　told　me　she　dined　with　you　the　other　night；　and　had　a　quantity　of　amusement　as　well　as　an　excellent　dinner。　　She　hinted〃

〃Oh；　Aunt　Barbara's　always　hinting；〃　said　Michael。

〃I　know。　　After　all；　everything　that　isn't　hints　is　obvious；　and　so　there's　nothing　to　say　about　it。　　Tell　me　more　about　the　Falbes；　Mike。　　Will　they　let　me　go　there　again；　do　you　think？　　Was　I　popular？　　Don't　tell　me　if　I　wasn't。〃

Michael　smiled　at　this　egoism　that　could　not　help　being　charming。

〃Would　you　care　if　you　weren't？〃　he　asked。

〃Very　much。　　One　naturally　wants　to　please　delightful　people。　　And　I　think　they　are　both　delightful。　　Especially　the　girl；　but　then　she　starts　with　the　tremendous　advantage　of　beingof　being　a　girl。　I　believe　you　are　in　love　with　her；　Mike；　just　as　I　am。　　It's　that　which　makes　you　so　grumpy。　　But　then　you　never　do　fall　in　love。　It's　a　pity；　you　miss　a　lot　of　jolly　trouble。〃

Michael　felt　a　sudden　overwhelming　desire　to　make　Francis　stop　this　maddening　twaddle；　also　the　events　of　the　morning　were　beginning　to　take　on　an　air　of　reality；　and　as　this　grew　he　felt　the　need　of　sympathy　of　some　kind。　　Francis　might　not　be　able　to　give　him　anything　that　was　of　any　use；　but　it　would　do　no　harm　to　see　if　his　cousin's　buoyant　unconscious　philosophy；　which　made　life　so　exciting　and　pleasant　a　thing　to　him；　would　in　any　way　help。　Besides；　he　must　stop　this　light　banter；　which　was　like　drawing　plaster　off　a　sore　and　unhealed　wound。

〃You're　quite　right；〃　he　said。　　〃I　am　in　love　with　her。　Furthermore；　I　asked　her　to　marry　me　this　morning。〃

This　certainly　had　an　effect。

〃Good　Lord！〃　said　Francis。　　〃And　do　you　mean　to　say　she　refused　you？〃

〃She　didn't　accept　me；〃　said　Michael。　　〃Wewe　adjourned。〃

〃But　why　on　earth　didn't　she　take　you？〃　asked　Francis。

All　Michael's　old　sensitiveness；　his　self…consciousness　of　his　plainness；　his　awkwardness；　his　big　hands；　his　short　legs；　came　back　to　him。

〃I　should　think　you　could　see　well　enough　if　you　look　at　me；〃　he　said；　〃without　my　telling　you。〃

〃Oh；　that　silly　old　rot；〃　said　Francis　cheerfully。　　〃I　thought　you　had　forgotten　all　about　it。〃

〃I　almost　hadin　fact　I　quite　had　until　this　morning；〃　said　Michael。　　〃If　I　had　remembered　it　I　shouldn't　have　asked　her。〃

He　corrected　himself。

〃No；　I　don't　think　that's　true；〃　he　said。　　〃I　should　have　asked　her；　anyhow；　but　I　should　have　been　prepared　for　her　not　to　take　me。　　As　a　matter　of　fact；　I　wasn't。〃

Francis　turned　sideways　to　the　table；　throwing　one　leg　over　the　other。

〃That's　nonsense；〃　he　said。　　〃It　doesn't　matter　whether　a　man's　ugly　or　not。〃

〃It　doesn't　as　long　as　he　is　not；〃　remarked　Michael　grimly。

〃It　doesn't　matter　much　in　any　case。　　We're　all　ugly　compared　to　girls；　and　why　ever　they　should　consent　to　marry　any　of　us　awful　hairy　things；　smelling　of　smoke　and　drink；　is　more　than　I　can　make　out；　but；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　they　do。　　They　don't　mind　what　we　look　like；　what　they　care　about　is　whether　we　want　them。　　Of　course；　there　are　exceptions〃

〃You　see　one；〃　said　Michael。

〃No；　I　don't。　　Good　Lord；　you've　only　asked　her　once。　　You've　got　to　make　yourself　felt。　　You're　not　intending　to　give　up；　are　you？〃

〃I　couldn't　give　up。〃

〃Well　then；　just　hold　on。　　She　likes　you；　doesn't　she？〃

〃Certainly；〃　said　Michael；　without　hesitation。　　〃But　that's　a　long　way　from　the　other　thing。〃

〃It's　on　the　same　road。〃

Michael　got　up。

〃It　may　be；〃　he　said；　〃but　it　strikes　me　it's　round　the　corner。　You　can't　even　see　one　from　the　other。〃

〃Possibly　not。　　But　you　never　know　how　near　the　corner　really　is。　Go　for　her；　Mike；　full　speed　ahead。〃

〃But　how？〃

〃Oh；　there　are　hundreds　of　ways。　　I'm　not　sure　that　one　of　the　best　isn't　to　keep　away　for　a　bit。　　Even　if　she　doesn't　want　you　just　now；　when　you　are　there；　she　may　get　to　want　you　when　you　aren't。　I　don't　think　I　should　go　on　the　mournful　Byronic　plan　if　I　were　you；　I　don't　think　it　would　suit　your　style；　you're　too　heavily　built　to　stand　leaning　against　the　chimney…piece；　gazing　at　her　and　dishevelling　your　hair。〃

Michael　could　not　help　laughing。

〃Oh；　for　God's　sake；　don't　make　a　joke　of　it；〃　he　said。

〃Why　not？　　It　isn't　a　tragedy　yet。　　It　won't　be　a　tragedy　till　she　marries　somebody　else；　or　definitely　says　no。　　And　until　a　thing　is　proved　to　be　tragic；　the　best　way　to　deal　with　it　is　to　treat　it　like　a　comedy　which　is　going　to　end　well。　　It's　only　the　second　act　now；　you　see；　when　everything　gets　into　a　mess。　　By　the　merciful　decrees　of　Providence；　you　see；　girls　on　the　whole　want　us　as　much　as　we　want　them。　　That's　what　makes　it　all　so　jolly。〃


Michael　went　down　next　day　to　Ashbridge；　where　Aunt　Barbara　and　Francis　were　to　follow　the　day　after；　and　found；　after　the　freedom　and　interests　of　the　last　six　months；　that　the　pompous　formal　life　was　more　intolerable　than　ever。　　He　was　clearly　in　disgrace　still；　as　was　made　quite　clear　to　him　by　his　father's　icy　and　awful　politeness　when　it　was　necessary　to　speak　to　him；　and　by　his　utter　unconsciousness　of　his　presence　when　it　was　not。　　This　he　had　expected。　　Christmas　had　ushered　in　a　truce　in　which　no　guns　were　discharged；　but　remained　sighted　and　pointed；　ready　to　fire。

But　though　there　was　no　change　in　his　father；　his　mother　seemed　to　Michael　to　be　curiously　altered；　her　mind；　which；　as　has　been　already　noticed；　was　usually　in　a　stunned　condition；　seemed　to　have　awakened　like　a　child　from　its　sleep；　and　to　have　begun　vaguely　crying　in　an　inarticulate　discomfort。　　It　was　true　that　Petsy　was　no　more；　having　succumbed　to　a　bilious　attack　of　unusual　severity；　but　a　second　Petsy　had　already　taken　her　place；　and　Lady　Ashbridge　s