michael-第35部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ore　to　be　able　to　be　of　use；　you　know。　　I　can　make　my　mother　happy。　　Nobody　else　can。　I　think　I'm　getting　rather　conceited　about　it。〃

〃Yes；　dear；　I　find　you　insufferable；〃　remarked　Aunt　Barbara　parenthetically。

〃Then　you　must　just　bear　it。　　The　thing　is〃Michael　took　a　moment　to　find　the　words　he　searched　for〃the　thing　is　I　want　to　be　wanted。　　Well；　it's　no　light　thing　to　be　wanted　by　your　mother；　even　if〃

He　sat　down　on　the　sofa　by　his　aunt。

〃Aunt　Barbara；　how　ironically　gifts　come；〃　he　said。　　〃This　was　rather　a　sinister　way　of　giving；　that　my　mother　should　want　me　like　this　just　as　her　brain　was　failing。　　And　yet　that　failure　doesn't　affect　the　quality　of　her　love。　　Is　it　something　that　shines　through　the　poor　tattered　fabric？　　Anyhow；　it　has　nothing　to　do　with　her　brain。　　It　is　she　herself；　somehow；　not　anything　of　hers；　that　wants　me。　　And　you　ask　if　I　can　stand　it？〃

Michael　with　his　ugly　face　and　his　kind　eyes　and　his　simple　heart　seemed　extraordinarily　charming　just　then　to　Aunt　Barbara。　　She　wished　that　Sylvia　could　have　seen　him　then　in　all　the　unconsciousness　of　what　he　was　doing　so　unquestioningly；　or　that　she　could　have　seen　him　as　she　had　with　his　mother　during　the　last　hour。　　Lady　Ashbridge　had　insisted　on　sitting　close　to　him；　and　holding　his　hand　whenever　she　could　possess　herself　of　it；　of　plying　him　with　a　hundred　repeated　questions；　and　never　once　had　she　made　Michael　either　ridiculous　or　self…conscious。　　And　this；　she　reflected；　went　on　most　of　the　day；　and　for　how　many　days　it　would　go　on；　none　knew。　　Yet　Michael　could　not　consider　even　whether　he　could　stand　it；　he　rejected　the　expression　as　meaningless。

〃And　your　friends？〃　she　said。　　〃Do　you　manage　to　see　them？〃

〃Oh；　yes；　occasionally；〃　said　Michael。　　〃They　don't　come　here；　for　the　presence　of　strangers　makes　my　mother　agitated。　　She　thinks　they　have　some　design　of　taking　her　or　me　away。　　But　she　wants　to　see　Sylvia。　　She　knows　aboutabout　her　and　me；　and　I　can't　make　up　my　mind　what　to　do　about　it。　　She　is　always　asking　if　I　can't　take　her　to　see　Sylvia；　or　get　her　to　come　here。〃

〃And　why　not？　　Sylvia　knows　about　your　mother；　I　suppose。〃

〃I　expect　so。　　I　told　Hermann。　　But　I　am　afraid　my　mother　will　well；　you　can't　call　it　arguingbut　will　try　to　persuade　her　to　have　me。　　I　can't　let　Sylvia　in　for　that。　　Nor；　if　it　comes　to　that；　can　I　let　myself　in　for　that。〃

〃Can't　you　impress　on　your　mother　that　she　mustn't？〃

Michael　leaned　forward　to　the　fire；　pondering　this；　and　stretching　out　his　big　hands　to　the　blaze。

〃Yes；　I　might；〃　he　said。　　〃I　should　love　to　see　Sylvia　again；　just　see　her；　you　know。　　We　settled　that　the　old　terms　we　were　on　couldn't　continue。　　At　least；　I　settled　that；　and　she　understood。〃

〃Sylvia　is　a　gaby；〃　remarked　Aunt　Barbara。

〃I'm　rather　glad　you　think　so。〃

〃Oh；　get　her　to　come；〃　said　she。　　〃I'm　sure　your　mother　will　do　as　you　tell　her。　　I'll　be　here　too；　if　you　like；　if　that　will　do　any　good。　　By　the　way；　I　see　your　Hermann's　piano　recital　comes　off　to…　morrow。〃

〃I　know。　　My　mother　wants　to　go　to　that；　and　I　think　I　shall　take　her。　　Will　you　come　too；　Aunt　Barbara；　and　sit　on　the　other　side　of　her？　　My　'Variations'　are　going　to　be　played。　　If　they　are　a　success；　Hermann　tells　me　I　shall　be　dragged　screaming　on　to　the　platform；　and　have　to　bow。　　Lord！　　And　if　they're　not；　well；　'Lord'　also。〃

〃Yes；　my　dear；　of　course　I'll　come。　　Let　me　see；　I　shall　have　to　lie；　as　I　have　another　engagement；　but　a　little　thing　like　that　doesn't　bother　me。〃

Suddenly　she　clapped　her　hands　together。

〃My　dear；　I　quite　forgot；〃　she　said。　　〃Michael；　such　excitement。　You　remember　the　boat　you　heard　taking　soundings　on　the　deep…water　reach？　　Of　course　you　do！　　Well；　I　sent　that　information　to　the　proper　quarter；　and　since　then　watch　has　been　kept　in　the　woods　just　above　it。　　Last　night　only　the　coastguard　police　caught　four　men　at　itall　Germans。　　They　tried　to　escape　as　they　did　before；　by　rowing　down　the　river；　but　there　was　a　steam　launch　below　which　intercepted　them。　　They　had　on　them　a　chart　of　the　reach；　with　soundings；　nearly　complete；　and　when　they　searched　their　houses　they　are　all　tenants　of　your　astute　father；　who　merely　laughed　at　usthey　found　a　very　decent　map　of　certain　private　areas　at　Harwich。　　Oh；　I'm　not　such　a　fool　as　I　look。　　They　thanked　me；　my　dear；　for　my　information；　and　I　very　gracefully　said　that　my　information　was　chiefly　got　by　you。〃

〃But　did　those　men　live　in　Ashbridge？〃　asked　Michael。

〃Yes；　and　your　father　will　have　four　decorous　houses　on　his　hands。　I　am　glad：　he　should　not　have　laughed　at　us。　　It　will　teach　him；　I　hope。　　And　now；　my　dear；　I　must　go。〃

She　stood　up；　and　put　her　hand　on　Michael's　arm。

〃And　you　know　what　I　think　of　you；〃　she　said。　　〃To…morrow　evening；　then。　　I　hate　music　usually；　but　then　I　adore　Mr。　Hermann。　　I　only　wish　he　wasn't　a　German。　　Can't　you　get　him　to　naturalise　himself　and　his　sister？〃

〃You　wouldn't　ask　that　if　you　had　seen　him　in　Munich；〃　said　Michael。

〃I　suppose　not。　　Patriotism　is　such　a　degrading　emotion　when　it　is　not　English。〃


Michael's　〃Variations〃　came　some　half…way　down　the　programme　next　evening；　and　as　the　moment　for　them　approached；　Lady　Ashbridge　got　more　and　more　excited。

〃I　hope　he　knows　them　by　heart　properly；　dear；〃　she　whispered　to　Michael。　　〃I　shall　be　so　nervous　for　fear　he'll　forget　them　in　the　middle；　which　is　so　liable　to　happen　if　you　play　without　your　notes。〃

Michael　laid　his　hand　on　his　mother's。

〃Hush；　mother；〃　he　said；　〃you　mustn't　talk　while　he's　playing。〃

〃Well；　I　was　only　whispering。　　But　if　you　tell　me　I　mustn't〃

The　hall　was　crammed　from　end　to　end；　for　not　only　was　Hermann　a　person　of　innumerable　friends；　but　he　had　already　a　considerable　reputation；　and；　being　a　German；　all　musical　England　went　to　hear　him。　　And　to…night　he　was　playing　superbly；　after　a　couple　of　days　of　miserable　nervousness　over　his　debut　as　a　pianist；　but　his　temperament　was　one　of　those　that　are　strung　up　to　their　highest　pitch　by　such　nervous　agonies；　he　required　just　that　to　make　him　do　full　justice　to　his　own　personality；　and　long　before　he　came　to　the　〃Variations；〃　Michael　felt　quite　at　ease　about　his　success。　　There　was　no　question　about　it　any　more：　the　whole　audience　knew　that　they　were　listening　to　a　master。　　In　the　row　immediately　behind　Michael's　party　were　sitting　Sylvia　and　her　mother；　who　had　not　quite　been　torn　away　from　her　novels；　since　she　had　sought　〃The　Love　of　Hermione　Hogarth〃　underneath　her　cloak；　and　read　it　furtively　in　pauses。　　They　had　come　in　after　Michael；　and　until　the　interval　between　the　classical　and　the　modern　section　of　the　concert　he　was　unaware　of　their　presence；　then　idly　turning　round　to　look　at　the　crowded　hall；　he　found　himself　face　to　face　with　the　girl。

〃I　had　no　idea　you　were　there；〃　he　said。　　〃Hermann　will　do；　won't　he？　　I　think〃

And　then　suddenly　the　words　of　commonplace　failed　him；　and　he　looked　at　her　in　silence。

〃I　knew　you　were　back；〃　she　said。　　〃Hermann　told　me　about　everything。〃

Michael　glanced　sideways；　indicating　his　mother；　who　sat　next　him；　and　was　talking　to　Barbara。

〃I　wondered　whether　perhaps　you　would　come　and　see　my　mother　and　me；〃　he　said。　　〃May　I　write？〃

She　looked　at　him　with　the　friendliness　of　her　smiling　eyes　and　her　grave　mouth。

〃Is　it　necessary　to　ask？〃　she　said。

Michael　turned　back　to　his　seat；　for　his　mother　had　had　quite　enough　of　her　sister…in…law；　and　wanted　him　again。　　She　looked　over　her　shoulder　for　a　moment　to　see　whom　Michael　was　talking　to。

〃I'm　enjoying　my　concert；　dear；〃　she　said。　　〃And　who　is　that　nice　young　lady？　　Is　she　a　friend　of　yours？〃

The　interval　was　over；　and　Hermann　returned　to　the　platform；　and　waiting　for　a　moment　for　the　buzz　of　conversation　to　die　down；　gave　out；　without　any　preliminary　excursion　on　the　keys；　the　text　of　Michael's　〃Variations。〃　　Then　he　began　to　tell　them；　with　light　and　flying　fingers；　what　that　simple　tune　had　suggested　to　Michael；　how　he　imagined　himself　looking　on　at　an　old…fashioned　dance；　and　while　the　dancers　moved　to　the　graceful　measure　of　a　minuet；　or　daintily　in　a　gavotte；　the　tune　of　〃Good　King　Wenceslas〃　still　rang　in　his　head；　or；　how　in　the　joy　of　the　sunlight　of　a　spring　morning　it　still　haunted　him。　　It　lay　behind　a　cascade　of　foaming　waters　that；　leaping；　roared　into　a　ravine；　it　marched　with　flying　banners　on　some　day　of　victorious　entry；　it　watched　a　funeral　procession　wind　by；　with　tapers　and　the　smell　of　incense；　it　heard；　as　it　got　nearer　back　to　itself　again；　the　peals　of　Christmas　bells；　and　stood　forth　again　in　its　own　person；　decorated　and　emblazoned。

Hermann　had　already　captured　his　audience；　now　he　held　them　tame　in　the　hollow　of　his　hand。　　Twice　he　bowed；　and　then；　in　answer　to　the　demand；　just　beckoned　with　his　finger　to　Michael；　who　rose。　　For　a　moment　his　mother　wished　to　detain　him。

〃You're　not　going　to　leave　me；　my　dear；　are　you？〃　she　asked　anxiously。

He　waited　to　explain　to　her　quietly；　left　her；　and；　feeling　rather　dazed；　made　his　way　round　to　the　back　and　saw　the　open　door　on　to　the　platform　confronting　him。　　He　felt　that　no　power　on　earth　could　make　him　step　into　the　naked　publicity　there；　but　at　the　moment　Hermann　appeared　in　the　doorway。

〃Come　on；　Mike；〃　he　said；　laughing。　　〃Thank　the　pretty　ladies　and　gentlemen！　　Lord；　isn't　it　all　a　lark！〃

Michael　advanced　with　him；　stared　and　hoped　he　smiled　properly；　though　he　felt　that　he　was　nailing　some　hideous　grimace　to　his　face；　and　then　just　below　him　he　saw　his　mother　eagerly　pointing　him　out　to　a　total　stranger；　with　gesticulation；　and　just　behind　her　Sylvia　looking　at　her；　and　not　at　him；　with　such　tenderness；　such　kindly　pity。　　There　were　the　two　most　intimately　bound　into　his　life；　the　mother　who　wanted　him；　the　girl　whom　he　wanted；　and　by　his　side　was　Hermann；　who；　as　Michael　always　knew；　had　thrown　open　the　gates　of　life　to　him。　　All　the　rest；　even　including　Aunt　Barbara；　seemed　of　no　significance　in　that　moment。　　Afterwards；　no　doubt；　he　would　be　glad　they　were　pleased；　be　proud　of　having　pleased　them；　but　just　now；　even　when；　for　the　first　time　in　his　life；　that　intoxicating　wine　of　appreciation　was　given　him；　he　stood　with　it　bubbling　and　yellow　in　his　hand；　not　drinking　of　it。