the university of hard knocks(重击大学)-第14部分
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I had in that drawer my 〃Everglade〃 farm。 Did you ever hear of the
〃Everglades〃？ I have an alligator ranch there。 It is below the frost…line；
also below the water…line。 I will sell it by the gallon。
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I had also a bale of mining stock。 I had stock in gold mines and silver
mines。 Nobody knows how much mining stock I have owned。 Nobody
could know while I kept that drawer shut。 As I looked over my gold and
silver mine stock； I often noticed that it was printed in green。 I used to
wonder why they printed it in greenwonder if they wanted it to
harmonize with me！ And I would realize I had so much to live forthe
dividends。 I have been so near the dividends I could smell them。 Only one
more assessment； then we will cut the melon！ I have heard that all my life
and never got a piece of the rind。
Getting 〃Selected〃
Why go farther？ I am not half done confessing。 Each bump only
increased my faith that the next ship would be mine。 Good； honest； retired
ministers would come periodically and sell me stock in some new
enterprise that had millions in itin its prospectus。 I would buy because I
knew the minister was honest and believed in it。 He was selling it on his
reputation。 Favorite dodge of the promoter to get the ministers to sell his
shares。
I was also greatly interested in companies where I put in one dollar
and got back a dollar or two of bonds and a dollar or two of stock。 That
was doubling and trebling my money over night。 An old banker once said
to me； 〃Why don't you invest in something that will pay you five or six per
cent。 and get it？〃
I pitied his lack of vision。 Bankers were such 〃tightwads。〃 They had no
imagination！ Nothing interested me that did not offer fifty or a hundred
per cent。then。 Give me the five per cent。 now！
By the time I was thirty…four I was a rich man in worthless paper。 It
would have been better for me if I had thrown about all my savings into
the bottom of the sea。
Then I got a confidential letter from a friend of our family I had never
met。 His name was Thomas A。 Cleage； and he was in the Rialto Building；
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St。 Louis； Missouri。 He wrote me in extreme confidence； 〃You have been
selected。〃
Were you ever selected？ If you were； then you know the thrill that rent
my manly bosom as I read that letter from this man who said he was a
friend of our family。 〃You have been selected because you are a prominent
citizen and have a large influence in your community。 You are a natural
leader and everybody looks up to you。〃
He knew me！ He was the only man who did know me。 So I took the
cork clear under。
〃Because of your tremendous influence you have been selected to go
in with us in the inner circle and get a thousand per cent。 dividends。〃
Did you get that？ I hope you did。 I did not！ But I took a night train for
St。 Louis。 I was afraid somebody might beat me there if I waited till next
day。 I sat up all night in a day coach to save money for Tom； the friend of
our family。 But I see now I need not have hurried so。 They would have
waited a month with the sheep…shears ready。 Lambie； lambie； lambie；
come to St。 Louis！
I don't get any sympathy from this crowd。 You laugh at me。 You
respect not my feelings。 I am not going to tell you a thing that happened in
St。 Louis。 It is none of your business！
O； I am so glad I went to St。 Louis。 Being naturally bright； I could not
learn it at home； back in Ohio。 I had to go clear down to St。 Louis to Tom
Cleage's bucket…shop and pay him eleven hundred dollars to corner the
wheat market of the world。 That is all I paid him。 I could not borrow any
more。 I joined what he called a 〃pool。〃 I think it must have been a pool；
for I know I fell in and got soaked！
That bump set me to thinking。 My fever began to reduce。 I got the
thirty…third degree in financial suckerdom for only eleven hundred dollars。
I have always regarded Tom as one of my great school teachers。 I have
always regarded the eleven hundred as the finest investment I had made up
to that time； for I got the most out of it。 I do not feel hard toward goldbrick
men and 〃blue sky〃 venders。 I sometimes feel that we should endow them。
How else can we save a sucker？ You cannot tell him anything； because he
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is naturally bright and knows better。 You simply have to trim him till he
bleeds。
I Am Cured
It is worth eleven hundred dollars every day to know that one
sentence； You cannot get something for nothing。 Life just begins to get
juicy when you know it。 Today when I open a newspaper and see a big ad；
〃Grasp a Fortune Now！〃 I will not do it！ I stop my subscription to that
paper。 I simply will not take a paper with that ad in it； for I have graduated
from that class。
I will not grasp a fortune now。 Try me； I dare you！ Bring a fortune
right up on this platform and put it down there on the floor。 I will not grasp
it。 Come away； it is a coffee…pot！
Today when somebody offers me much more than the legal rate of
interest I know he is no friend of our family。
If he offers me a hundred per cent。 I call for the police！
Today when I get a confidential letter that starts out； 〃You have been
selected〃 I never read farther than the word 〃selected。〃 Meeting is
adjourned。 I select the waste…basket。 Here； get in there just as quick as you
can。 I was selected！
O； Absalom； Absalom； my son； my son！ Learn it early in life。 The law
of compensation is never suspended。 You only own what you earn。 You
can't get something for nothing。 If you do not learn it； you will have to be
〃selected。〃 There is no other way for you； because you are naturally bright。
When you get a letter； 〃You have been selected to receive a thousand per
cent。 dividends；〃 it means you have been selected to receive this bunch of
blisters because you look like the biggest sucker on the local landscape。
The other night in a little town of perhaps a thousand； a banker took
me up into his office after the lecture in which I had related some of the
above experiences。 〃The audience laughed with you and thought it very
funny；〃 said he。 〃I couldn't laugh。 It was too pathetic。 It was a picture of
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what is going on in our own little community year after year。 I wish you
could see what I have to see。 I wish you could see the thousands of hard…
earned dollars that go out of our community every year into just such
wildcat enterprises as you described。 The saddest part of it is that the
money nearly always goes out of the pockets of the people who can least
afford to lose it。〃
Absalom； wake up！ This is bargain night for you。 I paid eleven
hundred dollars to tell you this one thing； and you get it for a dollar or two。
This is no cheap lecture。 It cost blood。
Learn that the gambler never owns his winnings。 The man who
accumulates by sharp practices or by undue profits never owns it。 Even the
young person who has large fortune given him does not own it。 We only
own what we have rendered definite service to bound。 The owning is in
the understanding of values。
This is true physically； mentally； morally。 You only own what you have
earned and stored in your life； not merely in your pocket； stomach or
mind。
I often think if it takes me thirty…four years to begin to learn one
sentence； I see the need of an eternity。
To me that is one of the great arguments for eternal lifehow slowly I
learn； and how much there is to learn。 It will take an eternity！
Those Commencement Orations
The young person says； 〃By next June I shall have finished my
education。〃 Bless them all！ They will have put another string on their
fiddle。
After they 〃finish〃 they have a commencement； not an end…ment； as
they think。 This is not to sneer； but to cheer。 Isn't it glorious that life is one
infinite succession of commencements and promotions！
I love to attend commencements。 The stage is so beautifully decorated
and the joy of youth is everywhere。 There is a row of geraniums along the
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front of the stage and a big oleander on the side。 There is a long…whiskered
rug in the middle。 The graduates sit in a semicircle upon the stage in their
new patent leather。 I know how it hurts。 It is the first time they have worn
it。
Then th
