the portygee-第58部分

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not　consider　it　the　best　he　had　ever　written；　he　had　answered
frankly。　　He　was　satiated　with　cake　and　tea　and　compliments　that
evening　and　recklessly　truthful。　　〃You　really　wish　to　know　my
opinion　of　that　poem？〃　he　asked。　　Indeed　and　indeed　they　really
wished　to　knew　just　that　thing。　　〃Well；　then；　I　think　it's　rot；〃　he
declared。　　〃I　loathe　it。〃

Of　course　mother　and　daughter　were　indignant。　　Their　comments
reached　Madeline's　ear。　　She　took　him　to　task。

〃But　why　did　you　say　it？〃　she　demanded。　　〃You　know　you　don't　mean
it。〃

〃Yes；　I　do　mean　it。　　It　IS　rot。　　Lots　of　the　stuff　in　that　book　of
mine　is　rot。　　I　did　not　think　so　once；　but　I　do　now。　　If　I　had　the
book　to　make　over　again；　that　sort　wouldn't　be　included。〃

She　looked　at　him　for　a　moment　as　if　studying　a　problem。

〃I　don't　understand　you　sometimes；〃　she　said　slowly。　　〃You　are
different。　　And　I　think　what　you　said　to　Mrs。　Bacon　and　Marian　was
very　rude。〃

Later　when　he　went　to　look　for　her　he　found　her　seated　with　Captain
Blanchard　in　a　corner。　　They　were　eating　ices　and；　apparently；
enjoying　themselves。　　He　did　not　disturb　them。　　Instead　he　hunted
up　the　offended　Bacons　and　apologized　for　his　outbreak。　　The
apology；　although　graciously　accepted；　had　rather　wearisome
consequences。　　Mrs。　Bacon　declared　she　knew　that　he　had　not　really
meant　what　he　said。

〃I　realize　how　it　must　be；〃　she　declared。　　〃You　people　of
temperament；　of　genius；　of　aspirations；　are　never　quite　satisfied；
you　cannot　be。　　You　are　always　trying；　always　seeking　the　higher
attainment。　　Achievements　of　the　past；　though　to　the　rest　of　us
wonderful　and　sublime；　are　to　youas　you　say；　'rot。'　　That　is　it；
is　it　not？〃　　Albert　said　he　guessed　it　was；　and　wandered　away；
seeking　seclusion　and　solitude。　　When　the　affair　broke　up　he　found
Madeline　and　Blanchard　still　enjoying　each　other's　society。　　Both
were　surprised　when　told　the　hour。



CHAPTER　XVII


So　the　first　three　weeks　of　his　proposed　month's　visit　passed　and
the　fourth　began。　　And　more　and　more　his　feelings　of　dissatisfaction
and　uneasiness　increased。　　The　reasons　for　those　feelings　he　found
hard　to　define。　　The　Fosdicks　were　most　certainly　doing　their　best
to　make　him　comfortable　and　happy。　　They　were　kindyes；　more　than
kind。　　Mr。　Fosdick　he　really　began　to　like。　　Mrs。　Fosdick's　manner
had　a　trace　of　condescension　in　it；　but　as　the　lady　treated　all
creation　with　much　the　same　measure　of　condescension；　he　was　more
amused　than　resentful。　　And　MadelineMadeline　was　sweet　and
charming　and　beautiful。　　There　was　in　her　manner　toward　him；　or　so
he　fancied；　a　slight　change；　perhaps　a　change　a　trifle　more　marked
since　the　evening　when　his　expressed　opinion　of　〃The　Greater　Love〃
had　offended　her　and　the　Bacons。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　more
impatient；　more　capricious；　sometimes　almost　overwhelming　him　with
attention　and　tenderness　and　then　appearing　to　forget　him　entirely
and　to　be　quite　indifferent　to　his　thoughts　and　opinions。　　Her　moods
varied　greatly　and　there　were　occasions　when　he　found　it　almost
impossible　to　please　her。　　At　these　times　she　took　offense　when　no
offense　was　intended　and　he　found　himself　apologizing　when；　to　say
the　least；　the　fault；　if　there　was　any；　was　not　more　than　half　his。
But　she　always　followed　those　moods　with　others　of　contrition　and
penitence　and　then　he　was　petted　and　fondled　and　his　forgiveness
implored。

These　slight　changes　in　her　he　noticed；　but　they　troubled　him
little；　principally　because　he　was　coming　to　realize　the　great
change　in　himself。　　More　and　more　that　change　was　forcing　itself
upon　him。　　The　stories　and　novels　he　had　read　during　the　first
years　of　the　war；　the　stories　by　English　writers　in　which　young
men；　frivolous　and　inconsequential；　had　enlisted　and　fought　and
emerged　from　the　ordeal　strong；　purposeful　and　〃made…over〃those
stories　recurred　to　him　now。　　He　had　paid　little　attention　to　the
〃making…over〃　idea　when　he　read　those　tales；　but　now　he　was　forced
to　believe　there　might　be　something　in　it。　　Certainly　something；
the　three　years　or　the　discipline　and　training　and　suffering；　or
all　combined；　had　changed　him。　　He　was　not　as　he　used　to　be。
Things　he　liked　very　much　he　no　longer　liked　at　all。　　And　where；
oh　where；　was　the　serene　self…satisfaction　which　once　was　his？

The　change　must　be　quite　individual；　he　decided。　　All　soldiers　were
not　so　affected。　　Take　Blanchard；　for　instance。　　Blanchard　had　seen
service；　more　and　quite　as　hard　fighting　as　he　had　seen；　but
Blanchard　was；　to　all　appearances；　as　light…hearted　and　serene　and
confident　as　ever。　　Blanchard　was　like　Madeline；　he　was　much　the
same　now　as　he　had　been　before　the　war。　　Blanchard　could　dance　and
talk　small　talk　and　laugh　and　enjoy　himself。　　Well；　so　could　he；　on
occasions；　for　that　matter；　if　that　had　been　all。　　But　it　was　not
all；　or　if　it　was　why　was　he　at　other　times　so　discontented　and
uncomfortable？　　What　was　the　matter　with　him；　anyway？

He　drew　more　and　more　into　his　shell　and　became　more　quiet　and　less
talkative。　　Madeline；　in　one　of　her　moods；　reproached　him　for　it。

〃I　do　wish　you　wouldn't　be　grumpy；〃　she　said。

They　had　been　sitting　in　the　library　and　he　had　lapsed　into　a　fit
of　musing；　answering　her　questions　with　absentminded　monosyllables。
Now　he　looked　up。

〃Grumpy？〃　he　repeated。　　〃Was　I　grumpy？　　I　beg　your　pardon。〃

〃You　should。　　You　answered　every　word　I　spoke　to　you　with　a　grunt
or　a　growl。　　I　might　as　well　have　been　talking　to　a　bear。〃

〃I'm　awfully　sorry；　dear。　　I　didn't　feel　grumpy。　　I　was　thinking；　I
suppose。〃

〃Thinking！　　You　are　always　thinking。　　Why　think；　pray？　。　。　。　　If　I
permitted　myself　to　think；　I　should　go　insane。〃

〃Madeline；　what　do　you　mean？〃

〃Oh；　nothing。　　I'm　partially　insane　now；　perhaps。　　Come；　let's　go
to　the　piano。　　I　feel　like　playing。　　You　don't　mind；　do　you？〃

That　evening　Mrs。　Fosdick　made　a　suggestion　to　her　husband。

〃Fletcher；〃　she　said；　〃I　am　inclined　to　think　it　is　time　you　and
Albert　had　a　talk　concerning　the　future。　　A　business　talk；　I　mean。
I　am　a　little　uneasy　about　him。　　From　some　things　he　has　said　to　me
recently　I　gather　that　he　is　planning　to　earn　his　living　with　his
pen。〃

〃Well；　how　else　did　you　expect　him　to　earn　it；　as　bookkeeper　for
the　South　Harniss　lumber　concern？〃

〃Don't　be　absurd。　　What　I　mean　is　that　he　is　thinking　of　devoting
himself　to　literature　exclusively。　　Don't　interrupt　me；　please。
That　is　very　beautiful　and　very　idealistic；　and　I　honor　him　for　it；
but　I　cannot　see　Madeline　as　an　attic　poet's　wife；　can　you？〃

〃I　can't；　and　I　told　you　so　in　the　beginning。〃

〃No。　　Therefore　I　should　take　him　to　one　side　and　tell　him　of　the
opening　in　your　firm。　　With　that　as　a　means　of　keeping　his　feet　on
the　ground　his　brain　may　soar　as　it　likes；　the　higher　the　better。〃

Mr。　Fosdick；　as　usual；　obeyed　orders　and　that　afternoon　Albert　and
he　had　the　〃business　talk。〃　　Conversation　at　dinner　was　somewhat
strained。　　Mr。　Fosdick　was　quietly　observant　and　seemed　rather
amused　about　something。　　His　wife　was　dignified　and　her　manner
toward　her　guest　was　inclined　to　be　abrupt。　　Albert's　appetite　was
poor。　　As　for　Madeline；　she　did　not　come　down　to　dinner；　having　a
headache。

She　came　down　later；　however。　　Albert；　alone　in　the　library；　was
sitting；　a　book　upon　his　knees　and　his　eyes　fixed　upon　nothing　in
particular；　when　she　came　in。

〃You　are　thinking　again；　I　see；〃　she　said。

He　had　not　heard　her　enter。　　Now　he　rose；　the　book　falling　to　the
floor。

〃Whywhy；　yes；〃　he　stammered。　　〃How　are　you　feeling？　　How　is　your
head？〃

〃It　is　no　worse。　　And　no　better。　　I　have　been　thinking；　too；　which
perhaps　explains　it。　　Sit　down；　Albert；　please。　　I　want　to　talk
with　you。　　That　is　what　I　have　been　thinking　about；　that　you　and　I
must　talk。〃

She　seated　herself　upon　the　davenport　and　he　pulled　forward　a　chair
and　sat　facing　her。　　For　a　moment　she　was　silent。　　When　she　did
speak；　however；　her　question　was　very　much　to　the　point。

〃Why　did　you　say　'No'　to　Father's　offer？〃　she　asked。　　He　had　been
expecting　this　very　question；　or　one　leading　up　to　it。　　Nevertheless；
he　found　answering　difficult。　　He　hesitated；　and　she　watched　him；
her　impatience　growing。

〃Well？〃　she　asked。

He　sighed。　　〃Madeline；〃　he　said；　〃I　am　afraid　you　think　me　very
unreasonable；　certainly　very　ungrateful。〃

〃I　don't　know　what　to　think　about　you。　　That　is　why　I　feel　we　must
have　this　talk。　　Tell　me；　please；　just　what　Father　said　to　you　this
afternoon。〃

〃He　saidwell；　the　substance　of　what　he　said　was　to　offer　me　a
position　in　his　office；　in　his　firm。〃

〃What　sort　of　a　position？〃

〃Well；　II　scarcely　know。　　I　was　to　have　a　desk　there　andand　be
generallyornamental；　I　suppose。　　It　was　not　very　definite；　the
details　of　the　position；　but〃

〃The　salary　was　good；　wasn't　it？〃

〃Yes；　more　than　good。　　Much　too　good　for　the　return　I　could　make
for　it；　so　it　seemed　to　me。〃

〃And　your　prospects　for　the　future？　　Wasn't　the　offer　what　people
call　a　good　opportunity？〃

〃Why；　yes；　I　suppose　it　was。　　For　the　right　sort　of　man　it　would
have　been　a　wonderful　opportunity。　　Your　father　was　most　kind；　most
generous；　Madeline。　　Please　don't　think　I　am　not　appreciative。　　I
am；　but〃

〃Don't。　　I　want　to　understand　it　all。　　He　offered　you　this
opportunity；　this　partnership　in　his　firm；　and　you　would　not
accept　it？　　Why？　　Don't　you　like　my　father？〃

〃Yes；　I　like　him　very　much。〃

〃Didn't　you；〃　with　the　slightest　possible　curl　of　the　lip；　〃think
the　offer　worthy　of　you？　。　。　。　　Oh；　I　don't　mean　that！　　Please
forgive　me。　　I　am　trying　not　to　be　disagreeable。　　II　just　want　to
understand；　Albert；　that's　all。〃

He　nodded。　　〃I　know；　Madeline；〃　he　said。　　〃You　have　the　right　to
ask。　　It　wasn't　so　much　a　question　of　the　offer　being　worthy　of　me
as　of　my　being　worthy　the　offer。　　Oh；　Madeline；　why　should　you　and
I　pretend？　　You　know　why　Mr。　Fosdick　made　me　that　offer。　　It　wasn't
because　I　was　likely　to　be　worth　ten　dollars　a　year　to　his　firm。
In　Heaven's　name；　what　use　would　I　be　in　a　stockbroker's　office；
with　my　make…up；　with　my　lack　of　business　ability？　　He　would　be
making　a　place　for　me　there　and　paying　me　a　high　salary　for　one
reason　only；　and　you　know　what　that　is。　　Now　don't