the portygee-第59部分

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making　a　place　for　me　there　and　paying　me　a　high　salary　for　one
reason　only；　and　you　know　what　that　is。　　Now　don't　you？〃

She　hesitated　now；　but　only　for　an　instant。　　She　colored　a　little；
but　she　answered　bravely。

〃I　suppose　I　do；〃　she　said；　〃but　what　of　it？　　It　is　not　unheard　of；
is　it；　the　taking　one's　prospective　son…in…law　into　partnership？〃

〃No；　but　　We're　dodging　the　issue　again；　Madeline。　　If　I　were
likely　to　be　of　any　help　to　your　father's　business；　instead　of　a
hindrance；　I　might　perhaps　see　it　differently。　　As　it　is；　I
couldn't　accept　unless　I　were　willing　to　be　an　object　of　charity。〃

〃Did　you　tell　Father　that？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃What　did　he　say？〃

〃He　said　a　good　deal。　　He　was　frank　enough　to　say　that　he　did　not
expect　me　to　be　of　great　assistance　to　the　firm。　　But　I　might　be　of
SOME　usehe　didn't　put　it　as　baldly　as　that；　of　courseand　at　all
times　I　could　keep　on　with　my　writing；　with　my　poetry；　you　know。
The　brokerage　business　should　not　interfere　with　my　poetry；　he
said；　your　mother　would　scalp　him　if　it　did　that。〃

She　smiled　faintly。　　〃That　sounds　like　dad；〃　she　commented。

〃Yes。　　Well；　we　talked　and　argued　for　some　time　on　the　subject。
He　asked　me　what；　supposing　I　did　not　accept　this　offer　of　his；
my　plans　for　the　future　might　be。　　I　told　him　they　were　pretty
unsettled　as　yet。　　I　meant　to　write；　of　course。　　Not　poetry
altogether。　　I　realized；　I　told　him；　that　I　was　not　a　great　poet；　a
poet　of　genius。〃

Madeline　interrupted。　　Her　eyes　flashed。

〃Why　do　you　say　that？〃　she　demanded。　　〃I　have　heard　you　say　it
before。　　That　is；　recently。　　In　the　old　days　you　were　as　sure　as
I　that　you　were　a　real　poet；　or　should　be　some　day。　　You　never
doubted　it。　　You　used　to　tell　me　so　and　I　loved　to　hear　you。〃

Albert　shook　his　head。　　〃I　was　sure　of　so　many　things　then；〃　he
said。　　〃I　must　have　been　an　insufferable　kid。〃

She　stamped　her　foot。　　〃It　was　less　than　three　years　ago　that　you
said　it；〃　she　declared。　　〃You　are　not　so　frightfully　ancient
now。　。　。　。　　Well；　go　on；　go　on。　　How　did　it　end；　the　talk　with
Father；　I　mean？〃

〃I　told　him；〃　he　continued；　〃that　I　meant　to　write　and　to　earn　my
living　by　writing。　　I　meant　to　try　magazine　workstories；　you
knowand；　soon；　a　novel。　　He　asked　if　earning　enough　to　support　a
wife　on　would　not　be　a　long　job　at　that　time。　　I　said　I　was　afraid
it　might；　but　that　that　seemed　to　me　my　particular　game；
nevertheless。〃

She　interrupted　again。　　〃Did　it　occur　to　you　to　question　whether　or
not　that　determination　of　yours　was　quite　fair　to　me？〃　she　asked。

〃Whywhy；　yes；　it　did。　　And　I　don't　know　that　it　IS　exactly　fair
to　you。　　I〃

〃Never　mind。　　Go　on。　　Tell　me　the　rest。　　How　did　it　end？〃

〃Well；　it　ended　in　a　sort　of　flare…up。　　Mr。　Fosdick　was　just　a
little　bit　sarcastic；　and　I　expressed　my　feelings　rather　freely
too　freely；　I'm　afraid。〃

〃Never　mind。　　I　want　to　know　what　you　said。〃

〃To　be　absolutely　truthful；　then；　this　is　what　I　said：　　I　said　that
I　appreciated　his　kindness　and　was　grateful　for　the　offer。　　But　my
mind　was　made　up。　　I　would　not　live　upon　his　charity　and　draw　a
large　salary　for　doing　nothing　except　be　a　little；　damned　tame
house…poet　led　around　in　leash　and　exhibited　at　his　wife's　club
meetings。　。　。　。　　That　was　about　all；　I　think。　　We　shook　hands　at
the　end。　　He　didn't　seem　to　like　me　any　the　less　for　。　。　。　　Why；
Madeline；　have　I　offended　you？　　My　language　was　pretty　strong；　I
know；　but〃

She　had　bowed　her　head　upon　her　arms　amid　the　sofa　cushions　and　was
crying。　　He　sprang　to　his　feet　and　bent　over　her。

〃Why；　Madeline；〃　he　said　again；　〃I　beg　your　pardon。　　I'm　sorry〃

〃Oh；　it　isn't　that；〃　she　sobbed。　　〃It　isn't　that。　　I　don't　care
what　you　said。〃

〃What　is　it；　then？〃

She　raised　her　head　and　looked　at　him。

〃It　is　you；〃　she　cried。　　〃It　is　myself。　　It　is　everything。　　It　is
all　wrong。　　II　was　so　happy　andand　now　I　am　miserable。　　Ohoh；
I　wish　I　were　dead！〃

She　threw　herself　upon　the　cushions　again　and　wept　hysterically。
He　stood　above　her；　stroking　her　hair；　trying　to　soothe　her；　to
comfort　her；　and　all　the　time　he　felt　like　a　brute；　a　heartless
beast。　　At　last　she　ceased　crying；　sat　up　and　wiped　her　eyes　with
her　handkerchief。

〃There！〃　she　exclaimed。　　〃I　will　not　be　silly　any　longer。　　I　won't
be！　　I　WON'T！　。　。　。　　Now　tell　me：　　Why　have　you　changed　so？〃

He　looked　down　at　her　and　shook　his　head。　　He　was　conscience…
stricken　and　fully　as　miserable　as　she　professed　to　be。

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said。　　〃I　am　older　andandand　I　DON'T　see
things　as　I　used　to。　　If　that　book　of　mine　had　appeared　three　years
ago　I　have　no　doubt　I　should　have　believed　it　to　be　the　greatest
thing　ever　printed。　　Now；　when　people　tell　me　it　is　and　I　read　what
the　reviewers　said　and　all　that；　II　DON'T　believe；　I　KNOW　it
isn't　greatthat　is；　the　most　of　it　isn't。　　There　is　some　pretty
good　stuff；　of　course；　but　　You　see；　I　think　it　wasn't　the　poems
themselves　that　made　it　sell；　I　think　it　was　all　the　fool　tommyrot
the　papers　printed　about　me；　about　my　being　a　hero　and　all　that
rubbish；　when　they　thought　I　was　dead；　you　know。　　That〃

She　interrupted。　　〃Oh；　don't！〃　she　cried。　　〃Don't！　　I　don't　care
about　the　old　book。　　I'm　not　thinking　about　that。　　I'm　thinking
about　you。　　YOU　aren't　the　samethe　same　toward　me。〃

〃Toward　you；　Madeline？　　I　don't　understand　what　you　mean。〃

〃Yes；　you　do。　　Of　course　you　do。　　If　you　were　the　same　as　you　used
to　be；　you　would　let　Father　help　you。　　We　used　to　talk　about　that
very　thing　andand　you　didn't　resent　it　then。〃

〃Didn't　I？　　Well；　perhaps　I　didn't。　　But　I　think　I　remember　our
speaking　sometimes　of　sacrificing　everything　for　each　other。　　We
were　to　live　in　poverty；　if　necessary；　and　I　was　to　write；　you
know；　and〃

〃Stop！　　All　that　was　nonsense；　nonsense！　you　know　it。〃

〃Yes；　I'm　afraid　it　was。〃

〃You　know　it　was。　　And　if　you　were　as　you　used　to　be；　if　you〃

〃Madeline！〃

〃What？　　Why　did　you　interrupt　me？〃

〃Because　I　wanted　to　ask　you　a　question。　　Do　you　think　YOU　are
exactly　the　sameas　you　used　to　be？〃

〃What　do　you　mean？〃

〃Haven't　YOU　changed　a　little？　　Are　you　as　sure　as　you　were　then
as　sure　of　your　feeling　toward　me？〃

She　gazed　at　him；　wide…eyed。　　〃WHAT　do　you　mean？〃

〃I　mean　ARE　you　sure？　　It　has　seemed　to　me　that　perhapsI　was　out
of　your　life　for　a　long　time；　you　know；　and　during　a　good　deal　of
that　time　it　seemed　certain　that　I　had　gone　forever。　　I　am　not
blaming　you；　goodness　knows；　butMadeline；　isn't　there　　Well；　if
I　hadn't　come　back；　mightn't　there　have　been　some　oneelse？〃

She　turned　pale。

〃What　do〃　she　stammered；　inarticulate。　　〃Why；　why〃

〃It　was　Captain　Blanchard；　wasn't　it？〃

The　color　came　back　to　her　cheeks　with　a　rush。　　She　blushed
furiously　and　sprang　to　her　feet。

〃Howhow　can　you　say　such　things！〃　she　cried。　　〃What　do　you　mean？
How　DARE　you　say　Captain　Blanchard　took　advantage　of　　Howhow
DARE　you　say　I　was　not　loyal　to　you？　　It　is　not　true。　　It　is　not
true。　　I　was。　　I　am。　　There　hasn't　been　a　worda　word　between　us
sincesince　the　news　came　that　you　were　　I　told　himI　said
And　he　has　been　splendid！　　Splendid！　　And　now　you　say　　Oh；　what
AM　I　saying？　　What　SHALL　I　do？〃

She　collapsed　once　more　among　the　cushions。　　He　leaned　forward。

〃My　dear　girl〃　he　began；　but　she　broke　in。

〃I　HAVEN'T　been　disloyal；〃　she　cried。　　〃I　have　tried　　Oh；　I　have
tried　so　hard〃

〃Hush；　Madeline；　hush。　　I　understand。　　I　understand　perfectly。　　It
is　all　right；　really　it　is。〃

〃And　I　should　have　kept　on　trying　alwaysalways。〃

〃Yes；　dear；　yes。　　But　do　you　think　a　married　life　with　so　much
trying　in　it　likely　to　be　a　happy　one？　　It　is　better　to　know　it
now；　isn't　it；　a　great　deal　better　for　both　of　us？　　Madeline；　I　am
going　to　my　room。　　I　want　you　to　think；　to　think　over　all　this；　and
then　we　will　talk　again。　　I　don't　blame　you。　　I　don't；　dear；
really。　　I　think　I　realize　everythingall　of　it。　　Good　night；
dear。〃

He　stooped　and　kissed　her。　　She　sobbed；　but　that　was　all。　　The　next
morning　a　servant　came　to　his　room　with　a　parcel　and　a　letter。　　The
parcel　was　a　tiny　one。　　It　was　the　ring　he　had　given　her；　in　its
case。　　The　letter　was　short　and　much　blotted。　　It　read：


Dear　Albert：

I　have　thought　and　thought；　as　you　told　me　to；　and　I　have　concluded
that　you　were　right。　　It　IS　best　to　know　it　now。　　Forgive　me；
please；　PLEASE。　　I　feel　wicked　and　horrid　and　I　HATE　myself；　but　I
think　this　is　best。　　Oh；　do　forgive　me。　　Good…by。

MADELINE。


His　reply　was　longer。　　At　its　end　he　wrote：


Of　course　I　forgive　you。　　In　the　first　place　there　is　nothing　to
forgive。　　The　unforgivable　thing　would　have　been　the　sacrifice　of
your　happiness　and　your　future　to　a　dream　and　a　memory。　　I　hope　you
will　be　very　happy。　　I　am　sure　you　will　be；　for　Blanchard　is；　I
know；　a　fine　fellow。　　The　best　of　fortune　to　you　both。


The　next　forenoon　he　sat　once　more　in　the　car　of　the　morning　train
for　Cape　Cod；　looking　out　of　the　window。　　He　had　made　the　journey
from　New　York　by　the　night　boat　and　had　boarded　the　Cape　train　at
Middleboro。　　All　the　previous　day；　and　in　the　evening　as　he　tramped
the　cold　wind…swept　deck　of　the　steamer；　he　had　been　trying　to
collect　his　thoughts；　to　readjust　them　to　the　new　situation；　to
comprehend　in　its　entirety　the　great　change　that　had　come　in　his
life。　　The　vague　plans；　the　happy　indefinite　dreams；　all　the
rainbows　and　roses　had　gone；　shivered　to　bits　like　the　reflection
in　a　broken　mirror。　　Madeline；　his　Madeline；　was　his　no　longer。
Nor　was　he　hers。　　In　a　way　it　seemed　impossible。

He　tried　to　analyze　his　feelings。　　It　seemed　as　if　he　should　have
been　crushed；　grief…stricken；　broken。　　He　was　inclined　to　reproach
himself　because　he　was　not。　　Of　course　there　was　a　sadness　about
it；　a　regret　that　the　wonder　of　those　days　of　love　and　youth　had
passed。　　But　the　sorrow　was　not　bitter；　the　regret　was　but　a
wistful　longing；　the　sweet；　lingering　fragrance　of　a　memory；　that
was　all。　　Toward　her；　Madeline；　he　feltand　it　surprised　him；　too；
to　find　that　he　feltnot　the　slightest　trace　of　resentment。　　And
more　surprising　still　he　felt　none　toward　Blanchard。　　He　had　meant
what　he　said　in　his　letter；　he　wished　for　them　both　the　greatest
happiness。

Andthere　was　no　use　attempting　to　shun　t