the way to peace-第4部分

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completely　she　was　immersed　in　a　new　experience；　one　of　the　details

of　which　was　the　practice　of　self…control。



But；　of　course；　that　night　they　had　it　out。　。　。　。　When　they　came　into

the　sitting…room　after　supper　she　flung　the　news　into　his　pale　face：

_she　wished　to　join　the　Shakers_。　　But　she　must　have　his　consent；

she　added；　impatiently；　because　otherwise　the　Shakers　would　not

let　her　come。



〃That's　the　only　thing　I　don't　agree　with　them　about；〃

she　said；　candidly；　〃I　don't　think　they　ought　to　make

anything　so　solemn　contingent　upon　the　'consent'　of　any　other

human　being。　　But；　of　course；　Lewis；　it's　only　a　form。

I　have　left　you　in　spirit；　and　that　is　what　counts。

So　I　told　them　I　knew　you　would　consent。〃



She　looked　at　him　with　those　blue；　ecstatic　eyes；

so　oblivious　to　his　pain　that　for　a　moment　a　sort　of　impersonal

amazement　at　such　self…centredness　held　him　silent。

But　after　the　first　shock　he　spoke　with　a　slow　fluency　that　pierced

Athalia's　egotism　and　stirred　an　answering　astonishment　in　her。

His　weeks　of　vague　misgiving；　deepening　into　keen　apprehension；

had　given　him　protests　and　arguments　which；　although　they

never　convinced　her；　silenced　her　temporarily。

She　had　never　known　her　husband　in　this　character。

Of　course；　she　had　been　prepared　for　objections　and　entreaties；

but　sound　arguments　and　stern　disapproval　confused　and　annoyed　her。

She　had　supposed　he　would　tell　her　she　would　break　his　heart；

instead；　he　said；　calmly；　that　she　hadn't　the　head　for　Shakerism。



〃You've　got　to　be　very　reasonable；　'Thalia；　to　stand

a　community　life；　or　else　you've　got　to　be　an　awful　fool。

You　are　neither　one　nor　the　other。〃



〃I　believe　their　doctrines；〃　she　declared；　〃and　I　would　die

for　a　religious　belief。　　But　I　don't　suppose　you　ever　felt

that　you　could　die　for　a　thing！〃



〃I　think　I　haveafter　a　fashion；〃　he　said；　mildly；　〃but　dying

for　a　thing　is　easy；　it's　living　for　it　that's　hard。

You　couldn't　keep　it　up；　Athalia；　you　couldn't　live　for　it。〃



Well；　of　course；　that　night　was　only　the　beginning。　　The　days　and　weeks

that　followed　were　full　of　argument；　of　entreaty；　of　determination。

Perhaps　if　he　had　laughed　at　her。　。　。　。　But　it　is　dangerous

to　laugh　at　unhumorous　people；　for　if　they　get　angry　all　is　lost。

So　he　never　laughed；　nor　in　all　their　talks　did　he　ever　reproach

her　for　not　loving　him。　　Once　only　his　plea　was　personal

and　even　then　it　was　only　indirectly　so。



〃Athalia；〃　he　said；　〃there's　only　one　kind　of　pain　in　this　world

that　never　gets　cured。　　It's　the　pain　that　comes　when　you　remember

that　you've　made　somebody　who　loved　you　unhappynot　for　a　principle；

but　for　your　own　pleasure。　　I　know　that　pain；　and　I　know　how　it　lasts。

Once　I　did　something；　just　to　please　myself；　that　hurt　mother's　feelings。

I'd　give　my　right　hand　if　I　hadn't　done　it。　　It's　twenty…two　years　ago；

and　I　wasn't　more　than　a　boy；　and　she　forgave　me　and　forgot　all　about　it。

I　have　never　forgotten　it。　　I　wish　to　God　I　could！　　'Thalia；　I　don't

want　you　to　suffer　that　kind　of　pain。〃



She　saw　the　implication　rather　than　the　warning；　and　she

burst　out；　angrily；　that　she　wasn't　doing　this　for　〃pleasure〃；

she　was　doing　it　for　principle！　　It　was　for　the　salvation

of　her　soul！



〃Athalia；〃　he　said；　solemnly；　〃the　salvation　of　our　souls　depends

on　doing　our　duty。〃



〃Ah！〃　she　broke　in；　triumphantly；　〃out　of　your　own　lips：

isn't　it　my　duty　to　do　what　seems　to　me　right？〃



He　considered　a　minute。　　〃Well；　yes；　I　suppose　the　most　valuable

example　any　one　can　set　is　to　do　what　he　or　she　believes

to　be　right。　　It　may　be　wrong；　but　that　is　not　the　point。

We　must　do　what　we　conceive　to　be　our　duty。　　Only；　we've　got

to　be　sure；　Tay；　in　deciding　upon　duty；　in　deciding　what　is　right；

we've　got　to　be　sure　that　self…interest　is　eliminated。

I　don't　believe　anybody　can　decide　absolutely　on　what　is　right

without　eliminating　self。〃



She　frowned　at　this　impatiently；　its　perfect　fairness　meant

nothing　to　her。



〃You　promised　to　be　my　wife；〃　he　went　on　with　a　curious　sternness；　〃it　is

obviously　'right；'　and　so　it　is　your　first　duty　to　keep　your　promise

at　least；　so　long　as　my　conduct　does　not　absolve　you　from　it。〃

Then　he　added；　hastily；　with　careful　justice：　　〃Of　course；　I'm　not　talking

about　promises　to　love；　they　are　nonsense。　　Nobody　can　promise　to　love。

Promises　to　do　our　duty　are　all　that　count。〃



That　was　the　only　reproach　he　madeif　it　was　a　reproach

for　his　betrayed　love。　　It　was　just　as　well。　　Discussion　on　this

subject　between　husbands　and　wives　is　always　futile。　　Nothing　was

ever　accomplished　by　it；　and　yet；　in　spite　of　the　verdict　of　time

and　experience　that　nothing　is　gained；　over　and　over　the　jealous　man；

and　still　more　frequently　the　jealous　woman；　protests　against　a　lost　love

with　a　bitterness　that　kills　pity　and　turns　remorse　into　antagonism。

But　Lewis　Hall　made　no　reproaches。　　Perhaps　Athalia　missed　them；

perhaps；　under　her　spiritual　passion；　she　was　piqued　that　earthly

passion　was　so　readily　silenced。　　But；　if　she　was；　she　did　not　know　it。

She　was　entirely　sincere　and　intensely　happy　in　a　new　experience。

It　was　a　long　winter　of　argument；and　then　suddenly；　in　early　April；

the　break　came。　。　。　。



〃I　WILL　go；　I　have　a　right　to　save　my　soul！〃



And　he　said；　very　simply；　〃Well；　Athalia；　then　I'll　go；　too。〃



〃You？　　But　you　don't　believe〃　And　almost　in　the　Bible　words　he　answered

her；　〃No；　but　where　you　go；　I　will　go；　where　you　live；　I　will　live。〃

And　then；　a　moment　later；　〃I　promised　to　cleave　to　you；　little　Tay。〃









II



THE　uprooting　of　their　life　took　a　surprisingly　short　time。

In　all　those　dark　months　of　argument　Lewis　Hall　had　been　quietly

making　plans　for　this　final　step；　and　such　preparation　betrayed

his　knowledge　from　the　first　of　the　hopelessness　of　his　struggle

indeed；　the　struggle　had　only　been　loyalty　to　a　lost　cause。

His　calm　assent　to　his　wife's　ultimatum　left　her　a　little　blank；

but　in　the　immediate　excitement　of　removal；　in　the　thrill　of

martyrdom　that　came　with　publicity；　the　blankness　did　not　last。

What　the　publicity　was　to　her　husband　she　could　not　understand。

He　received　the　protests　of　his　family　in　stolid　silence；

when　the　venturesome　great…aunt　told　him　what　she　thought　of　him；

he　smiled；　when　his　brother　informed　him　that　he　was　a　fool；　he　said

he　shouldn't　wonder。　　When　the　minister；　egged　on　by　distracted

Hall　relatives；　remonstrated；　he　replied；　respectfully；　that　he　was

doing　what　he　believed　to　be　his　duty；　〃and　if　it　seems　to　be　a　duty；

I　can't　help　myself；　you　see　that；　don't　you？〃　he　said；　anxiously。

But　that　was　practically　all　he　found　to　say；　for　the　most　part

he　was　silent。　　Athalia；　in　her　absorption；　probably　had　not

the　slightest　idea　of　the　agonies　of　mortification　which　he　suffered；

her　imagination　told　her；　truly　enough；　what　angry　relatives

and　pleasantly　horrified　neighbors　said　about　her；　and　the　abuse

exhilarated　her　very　much；　but　her　imagination　stopped　there。

It　did　not　give　her　the　family's　opinion　of　her　husband；　it　did

not　whisper　the　gossip　of　the　grocery…store　and　the　post…office；

it　did　not　repeat　the　chuckles　or　echo　the　innuendoes：



〃So　Squire　Hall's　wife's　got　tired　of　him？　　Rather　live

with　the　Shakers　than　him！〃　　〃I　like　Hall；　but　I　haven't

any　sympathy　with　him；〃　the　doctor　said；　〃what　in　thunder　did

he　let　her　go　gallivanting　off　to　visit　the　Shakers　for？

Might　have　known　a　female　like　Mrs。　Hall'd　get　a　bee　in　her　bonnet。

He　ought　to　have　kept　her　at　home。　　_I_　would　have。

I　wouldn't　have　had　any　such　nonsense　in　my　family！

Well；　for　an　obstinate　man　（and　he　IS　obstinate；　you　know）；

the　squire；　when　it　comes　to　his　wife；　has　no　more　backbone

than　a　wet　string。〃



〃Wonder　if　there's　anything　under　it　all？〃　came　the　sly　insinuation

of　gossip；　〃wonder　if　she　hasn't　got　something　besides　the　Shakers

up　her　sleeve？　　You　wait！〃



If　Athalia's　imagination　spared　her　these　comments；

Lewis's　unimaginative　common　sense　supplied　them。

He　knew　what　other　men　and　husbands　were　saying　about　him；

what　servants　and　gossip　and　friends　insinuated　to　one　another；

and　set　his　jaw　in　silence。　　He　made　no　excuse　and　no　explanation。

Why　should　he？　　The　facts　spoke。　　His　wife　did　prefer　the　Shakers

to　her　husband　and　her　home。　　To　have　interfered　with　her　purpose

by　any　plea　of　his　personal　unhappiness；　or　by　any　threat

of　an　appeal　to　law；　or　even　by　refusing　to　give　the　〃consent〃

essential　to　her　admission；　would　not　have　altered　these　facts。

As　for　his　reasons　for　going　with　her；　they　would　not　have

enhanced　his　dignity　in　the　eyes　of　the　men　who　wouldn't

have　had　any　such　nonsense　in　their　families：　　he　must　be

near　her　to　see　that　she　did　not　suffer　too　much　hardship；

and　to　bring　her　home　when　she　was　ready　to　come。



In　those　days　of　tearing　his　life　up　by　the　roots　the　silent

man　was　just　a　little　more　silent；　that　was　all。　　But　the　fact

was　burning　into　his　consciousness：　　he　couldn't　keep　his　wife！

That　was　what　they　said；　and　that　was　the　truth。

It　seemed　to　him　as　if　his　soul　blushed　at　his　helplessness。

But　his　face　was　perfectly　stolid。　　He　told　Athalia；　passively；

that　he　had　rented　the　house　and　mill　to　Henry　Davis；

that　he　had　settled　half　his　capital　upon　her；　so　that　she　would

have　some　money　to　put　into　the　common　treasury　of　the　community；

then　he　added　that　he　had　taken　a　house　for　himself　near

the　settlement；　and　that　he　would　hire　out　to　the　Shakers

when　they　were　haying；　or　do　any　farm…work　that　he　could　get。



〃I　can　take　care　of　myself；　I　guess；〃　he　said；　〃I　used

to　camp　out　when　I　was　a　boy；　and　I　can　cook　pretty　well；

mother　always　said。〃　　He　looked　at　her　wistfully；　but　the

uncomfortable…ness　of　such　an　arrangement　did　not　strike　her。

In　her　desire　for　a　new　emotion；　her　eagerness　to　FEEL

that　eagerness　which　is　really　a　sensuality　of　the　mind

she　was　too　absorbed