the way of all flesh-第59部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


retribution。

Poor　people！　　They　had　tried　to　keep　their　ignorance　of　the　world
from　themselves　by　calling　it　the　pursuit　of　heavenly　things；　and
then　shutting　their　eyes　to　anything　that　might　give　them　trouble。
A　son　having　been　born　to　them　they　had　shut　his　eyes　also　as　far　as
was　practicable。　　Who　could　blame　them？　　They　had　chapter　and　verse
for　everything　they　had　either　done　or　left　undone；　there　is　no
better　thumbed　precedent　than　that　for　being　a　clergyman　and　a
clergyman's　wife。　　In　what　respect　had　they　differed　from　their
neighbours？　　How　did　their　household　differ　from　that　of　any　other
clergyman　of　the　better　sort　from　one　end　of　England　to　the　other？
Why　then　should　it　have　been　upon　them；　of　all　people　in　the　world；
that　this　tower　of　Siloam　had　fallen？

Surely　it　was　the　tower　of　Siloam　that　was　naught　rather　than　those
who　stood　under　it；　it　was　the　system　rather　than　the　people　that
was　at　fault。　　If　Theobald　and　his　wife　had　but　known　more　of　the
world　and　of　the　things　that　are　therein；　they　would　have　done
little　harm　to　anyone。　　Selfish　they　would　have　always　been；　but　not
more　so　than　may　very　well　be　pardoned；　and　not　more　than　other
people　would　be。　　As　it　was；　the　case　was　hopeless；　it　would　be　no
use　their　even　entering　into　their　mothers'　wombs　and　being　born
again。　　They　must　not　only　be　born　again　but　they　must　be　born　again
each　one　of　them　of　a　new　father　and　of　a　new　mother　and　of　a
different　line　of　ancestry　for　many　generations　before　their　minds
could　become　supple　enough　to　learn　anew。　　The　only　thing　to　do　with
them　was　to　humour　them　and　make　the　best　of　them　till　they　died
and　be　thankful　when　they　did　so。

Theobald　got　my　letter　as　I　had　expected；　and　met　me　at　the　station
nearest　to　Battersby。　　As　I　walked　back　with　him　towards　his　own
house　I　broke　the　news　to　him　as　gently　as　I　could。　　I　pretended
that　the　whole　thing　was　in　great　measure　a　mistake；　and　that　though
Ernest　no　doubt　had　had　intentions　which　he　ought　to　have　resisted；
he　had　not　meant　going　anything　like　the　length　which　Miss　Maitland
supposed。　　I　said　we　had　felt　how　much　appearances　were　against　him；
and　had　not　dared　to　set　up　this　defence　before　the　magistrate；
though　we　had　no　doubt　about　its　being　the　true　one。

Theobald　acted　with　a　readier　and　acuter　moral　sense　than　I　had
given　him　credit　for。

〃I　will　have　nothing　more　to　do　with　him；〃　he　exclaimed　promptly；　〃I
will　never　see　his　face　again；　do　not　let　him　write　either　to　me　or
to　his　mother；　we　know　of　no　such　person。　　Tell　him　you　have　seen
me；　and　that　from　this　day　forward　I　shall　put　him　out　of　my　mind　as
though　he　had　never　been　born。　　I　have　been　a　good　father　to　him；
and　his　mother　idolised　him；　selfishness　and　ingratitude　have　been
the　only　return　we　have　ever　had　from　him；　my　hope　henceforth　must
be　in　my　remaining　children。〃

I　told　him　how　Ernest's　fellow　curate　had　got　hold　of　his　money；　and
hinted　that　he　might　very　likely　be　penniless；　or　nearly　so；　on
leaving　prison。　　Theobald　did　not　seem　displeased　at　this；　but　added
soon　afterwards：　　〃If　this　proves　to　be　the　case；　tell　him　from　me
that　I　will　give　him　a　hundred　pounds　if　he　will　tell　me　through　you
when　he　will　have　it　paid；　but　tell　him　not　to　write　and　thank　me；
and　say　that　if　he　attempts　to　open　up　direct　communication　either
with　his　mother　or　myself；　he　shall　not　have　a　penny　of　the　money。〃

Knowing　what　I　knew；　and　having　determined　on　violating　Miss
Pontifex's　instructions　should　the　occasion　arise；　I　did　not　think
Ernest　would　be　any　the　worse　for　a　complete　estrangement　from　his
family；　so　I　acquiesced　more　readily　in　what　Theobald　had　proposed
than　that　gentleman　may　have　expected。

Thinking　it　better　that　I　should　not　see　Christina；　I　left　Theobald
near　Battersby　and　walked　back　to　the　station。　　On　my　way　I　was
pleased　to　reflect　that　Ernest's　father　was　less　of　a　fool　than　I
had　taken　him　to　be；　and　had　the　greater　hopes；　therefore；　that　his
son's　blunders　might　be　due　to　postnatal；　rather　than　congenital
misfortunes。　　Accidents　which　happen　to　a　man　before　he　is　born；　in
the　persons　of　his　ancestors；　will；　if　he　remembers　them　at　all；
leave　an　indelible　impression　on　him；　they　will　have　moulded　his
character　so　that；　do　what　he　will；　it　is　hardly　possible　for　him　to
escape　their　consequences。　　If　a　man　is　to　enter　into　the　Kingdom　of
Heaven；　he　must　do　so；　not　only　as　a　little　child；　but　as　a　little
embryo；　or　rather　as　a　little　zoospermand　not　only　this；　but　as
one　that　has　come　of　zoosperms　which　have　entered　into　the　Kingdom
of　Heaven　before　him　for　many　generations。　　Accidents　which　occur
for　the　first　time；　and　belong　to　the　period　since　a　man's　last
birth；　are　not；　as　a　general　rule；　so　permanent　in　their　effects；
though　of　course　they　may　sometimes　be　so。　　At　any　rate；　I　was　not
displeased　at　the　view　which　Ernest's　father　took　of　the　situation。



CHAPTER　LXIV



After　Ernest　had　been　sentenced；　he　was　taken　back　to　the　cells　to
wait　for　the　van　which　should　take　him　to　Coldbath　Fields；　where　he
was　to　serve　his　term。

He　was　still　too　stunned　and　dazed　by　the　suddenness　with　which
events　had　happened　during　the　last　twenty…four　hours　to　be　able　to
realise　his　position。　　A　great　chasm　had　opened　between　his　past　and
future；　nevertheless　he　breathed；　his　pulse　beat；　he　could　think　and
speak。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　he　ought　to　be　prostrated　by　the　blow
that　had　fallen　on　him；　but　he　was　not　prostrated；　he　had　suffered
from　many　smaller　laches　far　more　acutely。　　It　was　not　until　he
thought　of　the　pain　his　disgrace　would　inflict　on　his　father　and
mother　that　he　felt　how　readily　he　would　have　given　up　all　he　had；
rather　than　have　fallen　into　his　present　plight。　　It　would　break　his
mother's　heart。　　It　must；　he　knew　it　wouldand　it　was　he　who　had
done　this。

He　had　had　a　headache　coming　on　all　the　forenoon；　but　as　he　thought
of　his　father　and　mother；　his　pulse　quickened；　and　the　pain　in　his
head　suddenly　became　intense。　　He　could　hardly　walk　to　the　van；　and
he　found　its　motion　insupportable。　　On　reaching　the　prison　he　was
too　ill　to　walk　without　assistance　across　the　hall　to　the　corridor
or　gallery　where　prisoners　are　marshalled　on　their　arrival。　　The
prison　warder；　seeing　at　once　that　he　was　a　clergyman；　did　not
suppose　he　was　shamming；　as　he　might　have　done　in　the　case　of　an　old
gaol…bird；　he　therefore　sent　for　the　doctor。　　When　this　gentleman
arrived；　Ernest　was　declared　to　be　suffering　from　an　incipient
attack　of　brain　fever；　and　was　taken　away　to　the　infirmary。　　Here　he
hovered　for　the　next　two　months　between　life　and　death；　never　in
full　possession　of　his　reason　and　often　delirious；　but　at　last；
contrary　to　the　expectation　of　both　doctor　and　nurse；　he　began
slowly　to　recover。

It　is　said　that　those　who　have　been　nearly　drowned；　find　the　return
to　consciousness　much　more　painful　than　the　loss　of　it　had　been；　and
so　it　was　with　my　hero。　　As　he　lay　helpless　and　feeble；　it　seemed　to
him　a　refinement　of　cruelty　that　he　had　not　died　once　for　all　during
his　delirium。　　He　thought　he　should　still　most　likely　recover　only
to　sink　a　little　later　on　from　shame　and　sorrow；　nevertheless　from
day　to　day　he　mended；　though　so　slowly　that　he　could　hardly　realise
it　to　himself。　　One　afternoon；　however；　about　three　weeks　after　he
had　regained　consciousness；　the　nurse　who　tended　him；　and　who　had
been　very　kind　to　him；　made　some　little　rallying　sally　which　amused
him；　he　laughed；　and　as　he　did　so；　she　clapped　her　hands　and　told
him　he　would　be　a　man　again。　　The　spark　of　hope　was　kindled；　and
again　he　wished　to　live。　　Almost　from　that　moment　his　thoughts　began
to　turn　less　to　the　horrors　of　the　past；　and　more　to　the　best　way　of
meeting　the　future。

His　worst　pain　was　on　behalf　of　his　father　and　mother；　and　how　he
should　again　face　them。　　It　still　seemed　to　him　that　the　best　thing
both　for　him　and　them　would　be　that　he　should　sever　himself　from
them　completely；　take　whatever　money　he　could　recover　from　Pryer；
and　go　to　some　place　in　the　uttermost　parts　of　the　earth；　where　he
should　never　meet　anyone　who　had　known　him　at　school　or　college；　and
start　afresh。　　Or　perhaps　he　might　go　to　the　gold　fields　in
California　or　Australia；　of　which　such　wonderful　accounts　were　then
heard；　there　he　might　even　make　his　fortune；　and　return　as　an　old
man　many　years　hence；　unknown　to　everyone；　and　if　so；　he　would　live
at　Cambridge。　　As　he　built　these　castles　in　the　air；　the　spark　of
life　became　a　flame；　and　he　longed　for　health；　and　for　the　freedom
which；　now　that　so　much　of　his　sentence　had　expired；　was　not　after
all　very　far　distant。

Then　things　began　to　shape　themselves　more　definitely。　　Whatever
happened　he　would　be　a　clergyman　no　longer。　　It　would　have　been
practically　impossible　for　him　to　have　found　another　curacy；　even　if
he　had　been　so　minded；　but　he　was　not　so　minded。　　He　hated　the　life
he　had　been　leading　ever　since　he　had　begun　to　read　for　orders；　he
could　not　argue　about　it；　but　simply　he　loathed　it　and　would　have　no
more　of　it。　　As　he　dwelt　on　the　prospect　of　becoming　a　layman　again；
however　disgraced；　he　rejoiced　at　what　had　befallen　him；　and　found　a
blessing　in　this　very　imprisonment　which　had　at　first　seemed　such　an
unspeakable　misfortune。

Perhaps　the　shock　of　so　great　a　change　in　his　surroundings　had
accelerated　changes　in　his　opinions；　just　as　the　cocoons　of
silkworms；　when　sent　in　baskets　by　rail；　hatch　before　their　time
through　the　novelty　of　heat　and　jolting。　　But　however　this　may　be；
his　belief　in　the　stories　concerning　the　Death；　Resurrection　and
Ascension　of　Jesus　Christ；　and　hence　his　faith　in　all　the　other
Christian　miracles；　had　dropped　off　him　once　and　for　ever。　　The
investigation　he　had　made　in　consequence　of　Mr　Shaw's　rebuke；
hurried　though　it　was；　had　left　a　deep　impression　upon　him；　and　now
he　was　well　enough　to　read　he　made　the　New　Testament　his　chief
study；　going　through　it　in　the　spirit　which　Mr　Shaw　had　desired　of
him；　that　is　to　say　as　one　who　wished　neither　to　believe　nor
disbelieve；　but　cared　only　about　finding　out　whether　he　ought　to
believe　or　no。　　The　more　he　read　in　this　spirit　the　more　the　balance
seeme