the way of all flesh-第60部分

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disbelieve；　but　cared　only　about　finding　out　whether　he　ought　to
believe　or　no。　　The　more　he　read　in　this　spirit　the　more　the　balance
seemed　to　lie　in　favour　of　unbelief；　till；　in　the　end；　all　further
doubt　became　impossible；　and　he　saw　plainly　enough　that；　whatever
else　might　be　true；　the　story　that　Christ　had　died；　come　to　life
again；　and　been　carried　from　earth　through　clouds　into　the　heavens
could　not　now　be　accepted　by　unbiassed　people。　　It　was　well　he　had
found　it　out　so　soon。　　In　one　way　or　another　it　was　sure　to　meet　him
sooner　or　later。　　He　would　probably　have　seen　it　years　ago　if　he　had
not　been　hoodwinked　by　people　who　were　paid　for　hoodwinking　him。
What　should　he　have　done；　he　asked　himself；　if　he　had　not　made　his
present　discovery　till　years　later　when　he　was　more　deeply　committed
to　the　life　of　a　clergyman？　　Should　he　have　had　the　courage　to　face
it；　or　would　he　not　more　probably　have　evolved　some　excellent　reason
for　continuing　to　think　as　he　had　thought　hitherto？　　Should　he　have
had　the　courage　to　break　away　even　from　his　present　curacy？

He　thought　not；　and　knew　not　whether　to　be　more　thankful　for　having
been　shown　his　error　or　for　having　been　caught　up　and　twisted　round
so　that　he　could　hardly　err　farther；　almost　at　the　very　moment　of
his　having　discovered　it。　　The　price　he　had　had　to　pay　for　this　boon
was　light　as　compared　with　the　boon　itself。　　What　is　too　heavy　a
price　to　pay　for　having　duty　made　at　once　clear　and　easy　of
fulfilment　instead　of　very　difficult？　　He　was　sorry　for　his　father
and　mother；　and　he　was　sorry　for　Miss　Maitland；　but　he　was　no　longer
sorry　for　himself。

It　puzzled　him；　however；　that　he　should　not　have　known　how　much　he
had　hated　being　a　clergyman　till　now。　　He　knew　that　he　did　not
particularly　like　it；　but　if　anyone　had　asked　him　whether　he
actually　hated　it；　he　would　have　answered　no。　　I　suppose　people
almost　always　want　something　external　to　themselves；　to　reveal　to
them　their　own　likes　and　dislikes。　　Our　most　assured　likings　have
for　the　most　part　been　arrived　at　neither　by　introspection　nor　by
any　process　of　conscious　reasoning；　but　by　the　bounding　forth　of　the
heart　to　welcome　the　gospel　proclaimed　to　it　by　another。　　We　hear
some　say　that　such　and　such　a　thing　is　thus　or　thus；　and　in　a　moment
the　train　that　has　been　laid　within　us；　but　whose　presence　we　knew
not；　flashes　into　consciousness　and　perception。

Only　a　year　ago　he　had　bounded　forth　to　welcome　Mr　Hawke's　sermon；
since　then　he　had　bounded　after　a　College　of　Spiritual　Pathology；
now　he　was　in　full　cry　after　rationalism　pure　and　simple；　how　could
he　be　sure　that　his　present　state　of　mind　would　be　more　lasting　than
his　previous　ones？　　He　could　not　be　certain；　but　he　felt　as　though
he　were　now　on　firmer　ground　than　he　had　ever　been　before；　and　no
matter　how　fleeting　his　present　opinions　might　prove　to　be；　he　could
not　but　act　according　to　them　till　he　saw　reason　to　change　them。
How　impossible；　he　reflected；　it　would　have　been　for　him　to　do　this；
if　he　had　remained　surrounded　by　people　like　his　father　and　mother；
or　Pryer　and　Pryer's　friends；　and　his　rector。　　He　had　been
observing；　reflecting；　and　assimilating　all　these　months　with　no
more　consciousness　of　mental　growth　than　a　school…boy　has　of　growth
of　body；　but　should　he　have　been　able　to　admit　his　growth　to
himself；　and　to　act　up　to　his　increased　strength　if　he　had　remained
in　constant　close　connection　with　people　who　assured　him　solemnly
that　he　was　under　a　hallucination？　　The　combination　against　him　was
greater　than　his　unaided　strength　could　have　broken　through；　and　he
felt　doubtful　how　far　any　shock　less　severe　than　the　one　from　which
he　was　suffering　would　have　sufficed　to　free　him。



CHAPTER　LXV



As　he　lay　on　his　bed　day　after　day　slowly　recovering　he　woke　up　to
the　fact　which　most　men　arrive　at　sooner　or　later；　I　mean　that　very
few　care　two　straws　about　truth；　or　have　any　confidence　that　it　is
righter　and　better　to　believe　what　is　true　than　what　is　untrue；　even
though　belief　in　the　untruth　may　seem　at　first　sight　most　expedient。
Yet　it　is　only　these　few　who　can　be　said　to　believe　anything　at　all；
the　rest　are　simply　unbelievers　in　disguise。　　Perhaps；　after　all；
these　last　are　right。　　They　have　numbers　and　prosperity　on　their
side。　　They　have　all　which　the　rationalist　appeals　to　as　his　tests
of　right　and　wrong。　　Right；　according　to　him；　is　what　seems　right　to
the　majority　of　sensible；　well…to…do　people；　we　know　of　no　safer
criterion　than　this；　but　what　does　the　decision　thus　arrived　at
involve？　　Simply　this；　that　a　conspiracy　of　silence　about　things
whose　truth　would　be　immediately　apparent　to　disinterested　enquirers
is　not　only　tolerable　but　righteous　on　the　part　of　those　who　profess
to　be　and　take　money　for　being　par　excellence　guardians　and　teachers
of　truth。

Ernest　saw　no　logical　escape　from　this　conclusion。　　He　saw　that
belief　on　the　part　of　the　early　Christians　in　the　miraculous　nature
of　Christ's　Resurrection　was　explicable；　without　any　supposition　of
miracle。　　The　explanation　lay　under　the　eyes　of　anyone　who　chose　to
take　a　moderate　degree　of　trouble；　it　had　been　put　before　the　world
again　and　again；　and　there　had　been　no　serious　attempt　to　refute　it。
How　was　it　that　Dean　Alford　for　example　who　had　made　the　New
Testament　his　speciality；　could　not　or　would　not　see　what　was　so
obvious　to　Ernest　himself？　　Could　it　be　for　any　other　reason　than
that　he　did　not　want　to　see　it；　and　if　so　was　he　not　a　traitor　to
the　cause　of　truth？　　Yes；　but　was　he　not　also　a　respectable　and
successful　man；　and　were　not　the　vast　majority　of　respectable　and
successful　men；　such　for　example；　as　all　the　bishops　and
archbishops；　doing　exactly　as　Dean　Alford　did；　and　did　not　this　make
their　action　right；　no　matter　though　it　had　been　cannibalism　or
infanticide；　or　even　habitual　untruthfulness　of　mind？

Monstrous；　odious　falsehood！　　Ernest's　feeble　pulse　quickened　and
his　pale　face　flushed　as　this　hateful　view　of　life　presented　itself
to　him　in　all　its　logical　consistency。　　It　was　not　the　fact　of　most
men　being　liars　that　shocked　himthat　was　all　right　enough；　but
even　the　momentary　doubt　whether　the　few　who　were　not　liars　ought
not　to　become　liars　too。　　There　was　no　hope　left　if　this　were　so；　if
this　were　so；　let　him　die；　the　sooner　the　better。　　〃Lord；〃　he
exclaimed　inwardly；　〃I　don't　believe　one　word　of　it。　　Strengthen
Thou　and　confirm　my　disbelief。〃　　It　seemed　to　him　that　he　could
never　henceforth　see　a　bishop　going　to　consecration　without　saying
to　himself：　　〃There；　but　for　the　grace　of　God；　went　Ernest
Pontifex。〃　　It　was　no　doing　of　his。　　He　could　not　boast；　if　he　had
lived　in　the　time　of　Christ　he　might　himself　have　been　an　early
Christian；　or　even　an　Apostle　for　aught　he　knew。　　On　the　whole　he
felt　that　he　had　much　to　be　thankful　for。

The　conclusion；　then；　that　it　might　be　better　to　believe　error　than
truth　should　be　ordered　out　of　court　at　once；　no　matter　by　how　clear
a　logic　it　had　been　arrived　at；　but　what　was　the　alternative？　　It
was　this；　that　our　criterion　of　truthi。e。　that　truth　is　what
commends　itself　to　the　great　majority　of　sensible　and　successful
peopleis　not　infallible。　　The　rule　is　sound；　and　covers　by　far　the
greater　number　of　cases；　but　it　has　its　exceptions。

He　asked　himself；　what　were　they？　　Ah！　that　was　a　difficult　matter；
there　were　so　many；　and　the　rules　which　governed　them　were　sometimes
so　subtle；　that　mistakes　always　had　and　always　would　be　made；　it　was
just　this　that　made　it　impossible　to　reduce　life　to　an　exact
science。　　There　was　a　rough　and　ready　rule…of…thumb　test　of　truth；
and　a　number　of　rules　as　regards　exceptions　which　could　be　mastered
without　much　trouble；　yet　there　was　a　residue　of　cases　in　which
decision　was　difficultso　difficult　that　a　man　had　better　follow
his　instinct　than　attempt　to　decide　them　by　any　process　of
reasoning。

Instinct　then　is　the　ultimate　court　of　appeal。　　And　what　is
instinct？　　It　is　a　mode　of　faith　in　the　evidence　of　things　not
actually　seen。　　And　so　my　hero　returned　almost　to　the　point　from
which　he　had　started　originally；　namely　that　the　just　shall　live　by
faith。

And　this　is　what　the　justthat　is　to　say　reasonable　peopledo　as
regards　those　daily　affairs　of　life　which　most　concern　them。　　They
settle　smaller　matters　by　the　exercise　of　their　own　deliberation。
More　important　ones；　such　as　the　cure　of　their　own　bodies　and　the
bodies　of　those　whom　they　love；　the　investment　of　their　money；　the
extrication　of　their　affairs　from　any　serious　messthese　things
they　generally　entrust　to　others　of　whose　capacity　they　know　little
save　from　general　report；　they　act　therefore　on　the　strength　of
faith；　not　of　knowledge。　　So　the　English　nation　entrusts　the　welfare
of　its　fleet　and　naval　defences　to　a　First　Lord　of　the　Admiralty；
who；　not　being　a　sailor　can　know　nothing　about　these　matters　except
by　acts　of　faith。　　There　can　be　no　doubt　about　faith　and　not　reason
being　the　ultima　ratio。

Even　Euclid；　who　has　laid　himself　as　little　open　to　the　charge　of
credulity　as　any　writer　who　ever　lived；　cannot　get　beyond　this。　　He
has　no　demonstrable　first　premise。　　He　requires　postulates　and
axioms　which　transcend　demonstration；　and　without　which　he　can　do
nothing。　　His　superstructure　indeed　is　demonstration；　but　his　ground
is　faith。　　Nor　again　can　he　get　further　than　telling　a　man　he　is　a
fool　if　he　persists　in　differing　from　him。　　He　says　〃which　is
absurd；〃　and　declines　to　discuss　the　matter　further。　　Faith　and
authority；　therefore；　prove　to　be　as　necessary　for　him　as　for　anyone
else。　　〃By　faith　in　what；　then；〃　asked　Ernest　of　himself；　〃shall　a
just　man　endeavour　to　live　at　this　present　time？〃　　He　answered　to
himself；　〃At　any　rate　not　by　faith　in　the　supernatural　element　of
the　Christian　religion。〃

And　how　should　he　best　persuade　his　fellow…countrymen　to　leave　off
believing　in　this　supernatural　element？　　Looking　at　the　matter　from
a　practical　point　of　view　he　thought　the　Archbishop　of　Canterbury
afforded　the　most　promising　key　to　the　situation。　　It　lay　between
him　and　the　Pope。　　The　Pope　was　perhaps　best　in　theory；　but　in
practice　the　Archbishop　of　Canterbury　would　do　sufficiently　well。
If