three men on the bummel-第19部分

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there　could　have　been　no　mistake　about　that。　　I　put　down　a　twenty
mark　piece　on　the　counter　and　said：

〃Please　give　me　a　cushion。〃

〃She　stared　at　me　as　if　I　had　asked　for　a　feather　bed。　　I　thought；
maybe；　she　had　not　heard；　so　I　repeated　it　louder。　　If　I　had
chucked　her　under　the　chin　she　could　not　have　looked　more　surprised
or　indignant。

〃She　said　she　thought　I　must　be　making　a　mistake。

〃I　did　not　want　to　begin　a　long　conversation　and　find　myself
stranded。　　I　said　there　was　no　mistake。　　I　pointed　to　my　twenty
mark　piece；　and　repeated　for　the　third　time　that　I　wanted　a
cushion；　'a　twenty　mark　cushion。'

〃Another　girl　came　up；　an　elder　girl；　and　the　first　girl　repeated
to　her　what　I　had　just　said：　　she　seemed　quite　excited　about　it。
The　second　girl　did　not　believe　herdid　not　think　I　looked　the
sort　of　man　who　would　want　a　cushion。　　To　make　sure；　she　put　the
question　to　me　herself。

〃'Did　you　say　you　wanted　a　cushion？'　she　asked。

〃'I　have　said　it　three　times；'　I　answered。　　'I　will　say　it　againI
want　a　cushion。'

〃She　said：　　'Then　you　can't　have　one。'

〃I　was　getting　angry　by　this　time。　　If　I　hadn't　really　wanted　the
thing　I　should　have　walked　out　of　the　shop；　but　there　the　cushions
were　in　the　window；　evidently　for　sale。　　I　didn't　see　WHY　I
couldn't　have　one。

〃I　said：　　'I　will　have　one！'　　It　is　a　simple　sentence。　　I　said　it
with　determination。

〃A　third　girl　came　up　at　this　point；　the　three　representing；　I
fancy；　the　whole　force　of　the　shop。　　She　was　a　bright…eyed；　saucy…
looking　little　wench；　this　last　one。　　On　any　other　occasion　I　might
have　been　pleased　to　see　her；　now；　her　coming　only　irritated　me。　　I
didn't　see　the　need　of　three　girls　for　this　business。

〃The　first　two　girls　started　explaining　the　thing　to　the　third
girl；　and　before　they　were　half…way　through　the　third　girl　began　to
giggleshe　was　the　sort　of　girl　who　would　giggle　at　anything。
That　done；　they　fell　to　chattering　like　Jenny　Wrens；　all　three
together；　and　between　every　half…dozen　words　they　looked　across　at
me；　and　the　more　they　looked　at　me　the　more　the　third　girl　giggled；
and　before　they　had　finished　they　were　all　three　giggling；　the
little　idiots；　you　might　have　thought　I　was　a　clown；　giving　a
private　performance。

〃When　she　was　steady　enough　to　move；　the　third　girl　came　up　to　me；
she　was　still　giggling。　　She　said：

〃'If　you　get　it；　will　you　go？'

〃I　did　not　quite　understand　her　at　first；　and　she　repeated　it。

〃'This　cushion。　　When　you've　got　it；　will　you　goawayat　once？'

〃I　was　only　too　anxious　to　go。　　I　told　her　so。　　But；　I　added　I　was
not　going　without　it。　　I　had　made　up　my　mind　to　have　that　cushion
now　if　I　stopped　in　the　shop　all　night　for　it。

〃She　rejoined　the　other　two　girls。　　I　thought　they　were　going　to
get　me　the　cushion　and　have　done　with　the　business。　　Instead　of
that；　the　strangest　thing　possible　happened。　　The　two　other　girls
got　behind　the　first　girl；　all　three　still　giggling；　Heaven　knows
what　about；　and　pushed　her　towards　me。　　They　pushed　her　close　up　to
me；　and　then；　before　I　knew　what　was　happening；　she　put　her　hands
on　my　shoulders；　stood　up　on　tiptoe；　and　kissed　me。　　After　which；
burying　her　face　in　her　apron；　she　ran　off；　followed　by　the　second
girl。　　The　third　girl　opened　the　door　for　me；　and　so　evidently
expected　me　to　go；　that　in　my　confusion　I　went；　leaving　my　twenty
marks　behind　me。　　I　don't　say　I　minded　the　kiss；　though　I　did　not
particularly　want　it；　while　I　did　want　the　cushion。　　I　don't　like
to　go　back　to　the　shop。　　I　cannot　understand　the　thing　at　all。〃

I　said：　　〃What　did　you　ask　for？〃

He　said：　　〃A　cushion〃

I　said：　　〃That　is　what　you　wanted；　I　know。　　What　I　mean　is；　what
was　the　actual　German　word　you　said。〃

He　replied：　　〃A　kuss。〃

I　said：　　〃You　have　nothing　to　complain　of。　　It　is　somewhat
confusing。　　A　'kuss'　sounds　as　if　it　ought　to　be　a　cushion；　but　it
is　not；　it　is　a　kiss；　while　a　'kissen'　is　a　cushion。　　You　muddled
up　the　two　wordspeople　have　done　it　before。　　I　don't　know　much
about　this　sort　of　thing　myself；　but　you　asked　for　a　twenty　mark
kiss；　and　from　your　description　of　the　girl　some　people　might
consider　the　price　reasonable。　　Anyhow；　I　should　not　tell　Harris。
If　I　remember　rightly；　he　also　has　an　aunt。〃

George　agreed　with　me　it　would　be　better　not。



CHAPTER　VIII



Mr。　and　Miss　Jones；　of　ManchesterThe　benefits　of　cocoaA　hint　to
the　Peace　SocietyThe　window　as　a　mediaeval　argumentThe
favourite　Christian　recreationThe　language　of　the　guideHow　to
repair　the　ravages　of　timeGeorge　tries　a　bottleThe　fate　of　the
German　beer　drinkerHarris　and　I　resolve　to　do　a　good　actionThe
usual　sort　of　statueHarris　and　his　friendsA　pepperless
ParadiseWomen　and　towns。

We　were　on　our　way　to　Prague；　and　were　waiting　in　the　great　hall　of
the　Dresden　Station　until　such　time　as　the　powers…that…be　should
permit　us　on　to　the　platform。　　George；　who　had　wandered　to　the
bookstall；　returned　to　us　with　a　wild　look　in　his　eyes。　　He　said：

〃I've　seen　it。〃

I　said；　〃Seen　what？〃

He　was　too　excited　to　answer　intelligently。　　He　said

〃It's　here。　　It's　coming　this　way；　both　of　them。　　If　you　wait；
you'll　see　it　for　yourselves。　　I'm　not　joking；　it's　the　real
thing。〃

As　is　usual　about　this　period；　some　paragraphs；　more　or　less
serious；　had　been　appearing　in　the　papers　concerning　the　sea…
serpent；　and　I　thought　for　the　moment　he　must　be　referring　to　this。
A　moment's　reflection；　however；　told　me　that　here；　in　the　middle　of
Europe；　three　hundred　miles　from　the　coast；　such　a　thing　was
impossible。　　Before　I　could　question　him　further；　he　seized　me　by
the　arm。

〃Look！〃　he　said；　〃now　am　I　exaggerating？〃

I　turned　my　head　and　saw　what；　I　suppose；　few　living　Englishmen
have　ever　seen　beforethe　travelling　Britisher　according　to　the
Continental　idea；　accompanied　by　his　daughter。　　They　were　coming
towards　us　in　the　flesh　and　blood；　unless　we　were　dreaming；　alive
and　concretethe　English　〃Milor〃　and　the　English　〃Mees；〃　as　for
generations　they　have　been　portrayed　in　the　Continental　comic　press
and　upon　the　Continental　stage。　　They　were　perfect　in　every　detail。
The　man　was　tall　and　thin；　with　sandy　hair；　a　huge　nose；　and　long
Dundreary　whiskers。　　Over　a　pepper…and…salt　suit　he　wore　a　light
overcoat；　reaching　almost　to　his　heels。　　His　white　helmet　was
ornamented　with　a　green　veil；　a　pair　of　opera…glasses　hung　at　his
side；　and　in　his　lavender…gloved　hand　he　carried　an　alpenstock　a
little　taller　than　himself。　　His　daughter　was　long　and　angular。
Her　dress　I　cannot　describe：　　my　grandfather；　poor　gentleman；　might
have　been　able　to　do　so；　it　would　have　been　more　familiar　to　him。
I　can　only　say　that　it　appeared　to　me　unnecessarily　short；
exhibiting　a　pair　of　anklesif　I　may　be　permitted　to　refer　to　such
pointsthat；　from　an　artistic　point　of　view；　called　rather　for
concealment。　　Her　hat　made　me　think　of　Mrs。　Hemans；　but　why　I
cannot　explain。　　She　wore　side…spring　boots〃prunella；〃　I　believe；
used　to　be　the　trade　namemittens；　and　pince…nez。　　She　also
carried　an　alpenstock　（there　is　not　a　mountain　within　a　hundred
miles　of　Dresden）　and　a　black　bag　strapped　to　her　waist。　　Her　teeth
stuck　out　like　a　rabbit's；　and　her　figure　was　that　of　a　bolster　on
stilts。

Harris　rushed　for　his　camera；　and　of　course　could　not　find　it；　he
never　can　when　he　wants　it。　　Whenever　we　see　Harris　scuttling　up
and　down　like　a　lost　dog；　shouting；　〃Where's　my　camera？　　What　the
dickens　have　I　done　with　my　camera？　　Don't　either　of　you　remember
where　I　put　my　camera？〃then　we　know　that　for　the　first　time　that
day　he　has　come　across　something　worth　photographing。　　Later　on；　he
remembered　it　was　in　his　bag；　that　is　where　it　would　be　on　an
occasion　like　this。

They　were　not　content　with　appearance；　they　acted　the　thing　to　the
letter。　　They　walked　gaping　round　them　at　every　step。　　The
gentleman　had　an　open　Baedeker　in　his　hand；　and　the　lady　carried　a
phrase　book。　　They　talked　French　that　nobody　could　understand；　and
German　that　they　could　not　translate　themselves！　　The　man　poked　at
officials　with　his　alpenstock　to　attract　their　attention；　and　the
lady；　her　eye　catching　sight　of　an　advertisement　of　somebody's
cocoa；　said　〃Shocking！〃　and　turned　the　other　way。

Really；　there　was　some　excuse　for　her。　　One　notices；　even　in
England；　the　home　of　the　proprieties；　that　the　lady　who　drinks
cocoa　appears；　according　to　the　poster；　to　require　very　little　else
in　this　world；　a　yard　or　so　of　art　muslin　at　the　most。　　On　the
Continent　she　dispenses；　so　far　as　one　can　judge；　with　every　other
necessity　of　life。　　Not　only　is　cocoa　food　and　drink　to　her；　it
should　be　clothes　also；　according　to　the　idea　of　the　cocoa
manufacturer。　　But　this　by　the　way。

Of　course；　they　immediately　became　the　centre　of　attraction。　　By
being　able　to　render　them　some　slight　assistance；　I　gained　the
advantage　of　five　minutes'　conversation　with　them。　　They　were　very
affable。　　The　gentleman　told　me　his　name　was　Jones；　and　that　he
came　from　Manchester；　but　he　did　not　seem　to　know　what　part　of
Manchester；　or　where　Manchester　was。　　I　asked　him　where　he　was
going　to；　but　he　evidently　did　not　know。　　He　said　it　depended。　　I
asked　him　if　he　did　not　find　an　alpenstock　a　clumsy　thing　to　walk
about　with　through　a　crowded　town；　he　admitted　that　occasionally　it
did　get　in　the　way。　　I　asked　him　if　he　did　not　find　a　veil
interfere　with　his　view　of　things；　he　explained　that　you　only　wore
it　when　the　flies　became　troublesome。　　I　enquired　of　the　lady　if
she　did　not　find　the　wind　blow　cold；　she　said　she　had　noticed　it；
especially　at　the　corners。　　I　did　not　ask　these　questions　one　after
another　as　I　have　here　put　them　down；　I　mixed　them　up　with　general
conversation；　and　we　parted　on　good　terms。

I　have　pondered　much　upon　the　apparition；　and　have　come　to　a
definite　opinion。　　A　man　I　met　later　at　Frankfort；　and　to　whom　I
described　the　pair；　said　he　had　seen　them　himself　in　Paris；　three
weeks　after　the　termination　of　the　Fashoda　incident；　while　a
traveller　for　some　English　steel　works　whom　we　met　in　Strassburg
remembered　having　seen　them　in　Berlin　during　the　excitement　caused
by　the　Transvaal　question。　　My　conclusion　is　that　they　were　actors
out　of　work；　hired　to　do　this　thing