three men on the bummel-第6部分

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instinct。　　Going　uphill　it　will　jamb　the　wheel　so　effectively　that
we　shall　have　to　carry　the　machine　bodily。　　The　air　at　the　top　of
the　hill　will　do　it　good；　and　it　will　suddenly　come　right　again。
Going　downhill　it　will　start　reflecting　what　a　nuisance　it　has
been。　　This　will　lead　to　remorse；　and　finally　to　despair。　　It　will
say　to　itself：　　'I'm　not　fit　to　be　a　brake。　　I　don't　help　these
fellows；　I　only　hinder　them。　　I'm　a　curse；　that's　what　I　am；'　and；
without　a　word　of　warning；　it　will　'chuck'　the　whole　business。
That　is　what　that　brake　will　do。　　Leave　it　alone。　　You　are　a　good
fellow；〃　I　continued；　〃but　you　have　one　fault。〃

〃What？〃　he　asked；　indignantly。

〃You　have　too　much　faith；〃　I　answered。　　〃If　you　read　an
advertisement；　you　go　away　and　believe　it。　　Every　experiment　that
every　fool　has　thought　of　in　connection　with　cycling　you　have
tried。　　Your　guardian　angel　appears　to　be　a　capable　and
conscientious　spirit；　and　hitherto　she　has　seen　you　through；　take
my　advice　and　don't　try　her　too　far。　　She　must　have　had　a　busy　time
since　you　started　cycling。　　Don't　go　on　till　you　make　her　mad。〃

He　said：　　〃If　every　man　talked　like　that　there　would　be　no
advancement　made　in　any　department　of　life。　　If　nobody　ever　tried　a
new　thing　the　world　would　come　to　a　standstill。　　It　is　by〃

〃I　know　all　that　can　be　said　on　that　side　of　the　argument；〃　I
interrupted。　　〃I　agree　in　trying　new　experiments　up　to　thirty…five；
AFTER　thirty…five　I　consider　a　man　is　entitled　to　think　of　himself。
You　and　I　have　done　our　duty　in　this　direction；　you　especially。
You　have　been　blown　up　by　a　patent　gas　lamp〃

He　said：　　〃I　really　think；　you　know；　that　was　my　fault；　I　think　I
must　have　screwed　it　up　too　tight。〃

I　said：　　〃I　am　quite　willing　to　believe　that　if　there　was　a　wrong
way　of　handling　the　thing　that　is　the　way　you　handle　it。　　You
should　take　that　tendency　of　yours　into　consideration；　it　bears
upon　the　argument。　　Myself；　I　did　not　notice　what　you　did；　I　only
know　we　were　riding　peacefully　and　pleasantly　along　the　Whitby
Road；　discussing　the　Thirty　Years'　War；　when　your　lamp　went　off
like　a　pistol…shot。　　The　start　sent　me　into　the　ditch；　and　your
wife's　face；　when　I　told　her　there　was　nothing　the　matter　and　that
she　was　not　to　worry；　because　the　two　men　would　carry　you　upstairs；
and　the　doctor　would　be　round　in　a　minute　bringing　the　nurse　with
him；　still　lingers　in　my　memory。〃

He　said：　　〃I　wish　you　had　thought　to　pick　up　the　lamp。　　I　should
like　to　have　found　out　what　was　the　cause　of　its　going　off　like
that。〃

I　said：　　〃There　was　not　time　to　pick　up　the　lamp。　　I　calculate　it
would　have　taken　two　hours　to　have　collected　it。　　As　to　its　'going
off；'　the　mere　fact　of　its　being　advertised　as　the　safest　lamp　ever
invented　would　of　itself；　to　anyone　but　you；　have　suggested
accident。　　Then　there　was　that　electric　lamp；〃　I　continued。

〃Well；　that　really　did　give　a　fine　light；〃　he　replied；　〃you　said　so
yourself。〃

I　said：　　〃It　gave　a　brilliant　light　in　the　King's　Road；　Brighton；
and　frightened　a　horse。　　The　moment　we　got　into　the　dark　beyond
Kemp　Town　it　went　out；　and　you　were　summoned　for　riding　without　a
light。　　You　may　remember　that　on　sunny　afternoons　you　used　to　ride
about　with　that　lamp　shining　for　all　it　was　worth。　　When　lighting…
up　time　came　it　was　naturally　tired；　and　wanted　a　rest。〃

〃It　was　a　bit　irritating；　that　lamp；〃　he　murmured；　〃I　remember　it。〃

I　said：　　〃It　irritated　me；　it　must　have　been　worse　for　you。　　Then
there　are　saddles；〃　I　went　onI　wished　to　get　this　lesson　home　to
him。　　〃Can　you　think　of　any　saddle　ever　advertised　that　you　have
NOT　tried？〃

He　said：　　〃It　has　been　an　idea　of　mine　that　the　right　saddle　is　to
be　found。〃

I　said：　　〃You　give　up　that　idea；　this　is　an　imperfect　world　of　joy
and　sorrow　mingled。　　There　may　be　a　better　land　　where　　bicycle
saddles　are　made　out　of　rainbow；　stuffed　with　cloud；　in　this　world
the　simplest　thing　is　to　get　used　to　something　hard。　　There　was
that　saddle　you　bought　in　Birmingham；　it　was　divided　in　the　middle；
and　looked　like　a　pair　of　kidneys。〃

He　said：　　〃You　mean　that　one　constructed　on　anatomical　principles。〃

〃Very　likely；〃　I　replied。　　〃The　box　you　bought　it　in　had　a　picture
on　the　cover；　representing　a　sitting　skeletonor　rather　that　part
of　a　skeleton　which　does　sit。〃

He　said：　　〃It　was　quite　correct；　it　showed　you　the　true　position　of
the〃

I　said：　　〃We　will　not　go　into　details；　the　picture　always　seemed　to
me　indelicate。〃

He　said：　　〃Medically　speaking；　it　was　right。〃

〃Possibly；〃　I　said；　〃for　a　man　who　rode　in　nothing　but　his　bones。
I　only　know　that　I　tried　it　myself；　and　that　to　a　man　who　wore
flesh　it　was　agony。　　Every　time　you　went　over　a　stone　or　a　rut　it
nipped　you；　it　was　like　riding　on　an　irritable　lobster。　　You　rode
that　for　a　month。〃

〃I　thought　it　only　right　to　give　it　a　fair　trial；〃　he　answered。

I　said：　　〃You　gave　your　family　a　fair　trial　also；　if　you　will　allow
me　the　use　of　slang。　　Your　wife　told　me　that　never　in　the　whole
course　of　your　married　life　had　she　known　you　so　bad　tempered；　so
un…Christian　like；　as　you　were　that　month。　　Then　you　remember　that
other　saddle；　the　one　with　the　spring　under　it。〃

He　said：　　〃You　mean　'the　Spiral。'〃

I　said：　　〃I　mean　the　one　that　jerked　you　up　and　down　like　a　Jack…
in…the…box；　sometimes　you　came　down　again　in　the　right　place；　and
sometimes　you　didn't。　　I　am　not　referring　to　these　matters　merely
to　recall　painful　memories；　but　I　want　to　impress　you　with　the
folly　of　trying　experiments　at　your　time　of　life。〃

He　said。　　〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　harp　so　much　on　my　age。　　A　man　at
thirty…four〃

〃A　man　at　what？〃

He　said：　　〃If　you　don't　want　the　thing；　don't　have　it。　　If　your
machine　runs　away　with　you　down　a　mountain；　and　you　and　George　get
flung　through　a　church　roof；　don't　blame　me。〃

〃I　cannot　promise　for　George；〃　I　said；　〃a　little　thing　will
sometimes　irritate　him；　as　you　know。　　If　such　an　accident　as　you
suggest　happen；　he　may　be　cross；　but　I　will　undertake　to　explain　to
him　that　it　was　not　your　fault。〃

〃Is　the　thing　all　right？〃　he　asked。

〃The　tandem；〃　I　replied；　〃is　well。〃

He　said：　　〃Have　you　overhauled　it？〃

I　said：　　〃I　have　not；　nor　is　anyone　else　going　to　overhaul　it。　　The
thing　is　now　in　working　order；　and　it　is　going　to　remain　in　working
order　till　we　start。〃

I　have　had　experience　of　this　〃overhauling。〃　　There　was　a　man　at
Folkestone；　I　used　to　meet　him　on　the　Lees。　　He　proposed　one
evening　we　should　go　for　a　long　bicycle　ride　together　on　the
following　day；　and　I　agreed。　　I　got　up　early；　for　me；　I　made　an
effort；　and　was　pleased　with　myself。　　He　came　half　an　hour　late：　　I
was　waiting　for　him　in　the　garden。　　It　was　a　lovely　day。　　He　said：…

〃That's　a　good…looking　machine　of　yours。　　How　does　it　run？〃

〃Oh；　like　most　of　them！〃　I　answered；　〃easily　enough　in　the　morning；
goes　a　little　stiffly　after　lunch。〃

He　caught　hold　of　it　by　the　front　wheel　and　the　fork　and　shook　it
violently。

I　said：　　〃Don't　do　that；　you'll　hurt　it。〃

I　did　not　see　why　he　should　shake　it；　it　had　not　done　anything　to
him。　　Besides；　if　it　wanted　shaking；　I　was　the　proper　person　to
shake　it。　　I　felt　much　as　I　should　had　he　started　whacking　my　dog。

He　said：　　〃This　front　wheel　wobbles。〃

I　said：　　〃It　doesn't　if　you　don't　wobble　it。〃　　It　didn't　wobble；　as
a　matter　of　factnothing　worth　calling　a　wobble。

He　said：　　〃This　is　dangerous；　have　you　got　a　screw…hammer？〃

I　ought　to　have　been　firm；　but　I　thought　that　perhaps　he　really　did
know　something　about　the　business。　　I　went　to　the　tool　shed　to　see
what　I　could　find。　　When　I　came　back　he　was　sitting　on　the　ground
with　the　front　wheel　between　his　legs。　　He　was　playing　with　it；
twiddling　it　round　between　his　fingers；　the　remnant　of　the　machine
was　lying　on　the　gravel　path　beside　him。

He　said：　　〃Something　has　happened　to　this　front　wheel　of　yours。〃

〃It　looks　like　it；　doesn't　it？〃　I　answered。　　But　he　was　the　sort　of
man　that　never　understands　satire。

He　said：　　〃It　looks　to　me　as　if　the　bearings　were　all　wrong。〃

I　said：　　〃Don't　you　trouble　about　it　any　more；　you　will　make
yourself　tired。　　Let　us　put　it　back　and　get　off。〃

He　said：　　〃We　may　as　well　see　what　is　the　matter　with　it；　now　it　is
out。〃　　He　talked　as　though　it　had　dropped　out　by　accident。

Before　I　could　stop　him　he　had　unscrewed　something　somewhere；　and
out　rolled　all　over　the　path　some　dozen　or　so　little　balls。

〃Catch　'em！〃　he　shouted；　〃catch　'em！　　We　mustn't　lose　any　of　them。〃
He　was　quite　excited　about　them。

We　grovelled　round　for　half　an　hour；　and　found　sixteen。　　He　said　he
hoped　we　had　got　them　all；　because；　if　not；　it　would　make　a　serious
difference　to　the　machine。　　He　said　there　was　nothing　you　should　be
more　careful　about　in　taking　a　bicycle　to　pieces　than　seeing　you
did　not　lose　any　of　the　balls。　　He　explained　that　you　ought　to
count　them　as　you　took　them　out；　and　see　that　exactly　the　same
number　went　back　in　each　place。　　I　promised；　if　ever　I　took　a
bicycle　to　pieces　I　would　remember　his　advice。

I　put　the　balls　for　safety　in　my　hat；　and　I　put　my　hat　upon　the
doorstep。　　It　was　not　a　sensible　thing　to　do；　I　admit。　　As　a　matter
of　fact；　it　was　a　silly　thing　to　do。　　I　am　not　as　a　rule　addle…
headed；　his　influence　must　have　affected　me。

He　then　said　that　while　he　was　about　it　he　would　see　to　the　chain
for　me；　and　at　once　began　taking　off　the　gear…case。　　I　did　try　to
persuade　him　from　that。　　I　told　him　what　an　experienced　friend　of
mine　once　said　to　me　solemnly：…

〃If　anything　goes　wrong　with　your　gear…case；　sell　the　machine　and
buy　a　new　one；　it　comes　cheaper。〃

He　said：　　〃People　talk　like　that　who　understand　nothing　about
machines。　　Nothing　is　easier　than　taking　off　a　gear…case。〃

I　had　to　confess　he　was　right。　　In　less　than　five　minutes　he　had
the　gear…case　in　two　pieces；　lying　on　the　path；　and　was　grovelling
for　screws。　　He　said　it　was　always　a　mystery　to　him　the　way　screws
disappeared。

We　were　still　looking　for　the　screws　when　Ethelbertha　came　out。
She　seemed　surprised　to　find　us　there；　she　said　she　thought　we　had
started　hours　ago。

He　said：　　〃We　shan't　be　long　now。　　I'm　just　helping　your　husband　to
overhaul　this　machine　of　his。　　It's　a　good　mac