three men on the bummel-第7部分

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started　hours　ago。

He　said：　　〃We　shan't　be　long　now。　　I'm　just　helping　your　husband　to
overhaul　this　machine　of　his。　　It's　a　good　machine；　but　they　all
want　going　over　occasionally。〃

Ethelbertha　said：　　〃If　you　want　to　wash　yourselves　when　you　have
done　you　might　go　into　the　back　kitchen；　if　you　don't　mind；　the
girls　have　just　finished　the　bedrooms。〃

She　told　me　that　if　she　met　Kate　they　would　probably　go　for　a　sail；
but　that　in　any　case　she　would　be　back　to　lunch。　　I　would　have
given　a　sovereign　to　be　going　with　her。　　I　was　getting　heartily
sick　of　standing　about　watching　this　fool　breaking　up　my　bicycle。

Common　sense　continued　to　whisper　to　me：　　〃Stop　him；　before　he　does
any　more　mischief。　　You　have　a　right　to　protect　your　own　property
from　the　ravages　of　a　lunatic。　　Take　him　by　the　scruff　of　the　neck；
and　kick　him　out　of　the　gate！〃

But　I　am　weak　when　it　comes　to　hurting　other　people's　feelings；　and
I　let　him　muddle　on。

He　gave　up　looking　for　the　rest　of　the　screws。　　He　said　screws　had
a　knack　of　turning　up　when　you　least　expected　them；　and　that　now　he
would　see　to　the　chain。　　He　tightened　it　till　it　would　not　move；
next　he　loosened　it　until　it　was　twice　as　loose　as　it　was　before。
Then　he　said　we　had　better　think　about　getting　the　front　wheel　back
into　its　place　again。

I　held　the　fork　open；　and　he　worried　with　the　wheel。　　At　the　end　of
ten　minutes　I　suggested　he　should　hold　the　forks；　and　that　I　should
handle　the　wheel；　and　we　changed　places。　　At　the　end　of　his　first
minute　he　dropped　the　machine；　and　took　a　short　walk　round　the
croquet　lawn；　with　his　hands　pressed　together　between　his　thighs。
He　explained　as　he　walked　that　the　thing　to　be　careful　about　was　to
avoid　getting　your　fingers　pinched　between　the　forks　and　the　spokes
of　the　wheel。　　I　replied　I　was　convinced；　from　my　own　experience；
that　there　was　much　truth　in　what　he　said。　　He　wrapped　himself　up
in　a　couple　of　dusters；　and　we　commenced　again。　　At　length　we　did
get　the　thing　into　position；　and　the　moment　it　was　in　position　he
burst　out　laughing。

I　said：　　〃What's　the　joke？〃

He　said：　　〃Well；　I　am　an　ass！〃

It　was　the　first　thing　he　had　said　that　made　me　respect　him。　　I
asked　him　what　had　led　him　to　the　discovery。

He　said：　　〃We've　forgotten　the　balls！〃

I　looked　for　my　hat；　it　was　lying　topsy…turvy　in　the　middle　of　the
path；　and　Ethelbertha's　favourite　hound　was　swallowing　the　balls　as
fast　as　he　could　pick　them　up。

〃He　will　kill　himself；〃　said　EbbsonI　have　never　met　him　since
that　day；　thank　the　Lord；　but　I　think　his　name　was　Ebbson〃they
are　solid　steel。〃

I　said：　　〃I　am　not　troubling　about　the　dog。　　He　has　had　a　bootlace
and　a　packet　of　needles　already　this　week。　　Nature's　the　best
guide；　puppies　seem　to　require　this　kind　of　stimulant。　　What　I　am
thinking　about　is　my　bicycle。〃

He　was　of　a　cheerful　disposition。　　He　said：　　〃Well；　we　must　put
back　all　we　can　find；　and　trust　to　Providence。〃

We　found　eleven。　　We　fixed　six　on　one　side　and　five　on　the　other；
and　half　an　hour　later　the　wheel　was　in　its　place　again。　　It　need
hardly　be　added　that　it　really　did　wobble　now；　a　child　might　have
noticed　it。　　Ebbson　said　it　would　do　for　the　present。　　He　appeared
to　be　getting　a　bit　tired　himself。　　If　I　had　let　him；　he　would；　I
believe；　at　this　point　have　gone　home。　　I　was　determined　now；
however；　that　he　should　stop　and　finish；　I　had　abandoned　all
thoughts　of　a　ride。　　My　pride　in　the　machine　he　had　killed。　　My
only　interest　lay　now　in　seeing　him　scratch　and　bump　and　pinch
himself。　　I　revived　his　drooping　spirits　with　a　glass　of　beer　and
some　judicious　praise。　　I　said：

〃Watching　you　do　this　is　of　real　use　to　me。　　It　is　not　only　your
skill　and　dexterity　that　fascinates　me；　it　is　your　cheery
confidence　in　yourself；　your　inexplicable　hopefulness；　that　does　me
good。〃

Thus　encouraged；　he　set　to　work　to　refix　the　gear…case。　　He　stood
the　bicycle　against　the　house；　and　worked　from　the　off　side。　　Then
he　stood　it　against　a　tree；　and　worked　from　the　near　side。　　Then　I
held　it　for　him；　while　he　lay　on　the　ground　with　his　head　between
the　wheels；　and　worked　at　it　from　below；　and　dropped　oil　upon
himself。　　Then　he　took　it　away　from　me；　and　doubled　himself　across
it　like　a　pack…saddle；　till　he　lost　his　balance　and　slid　over　on　to
his　head。　　Three　times　he　said：

〃Thank　Heaven；　that's　right　at　last！〃

And　twice　he　said：

〃No；　I'm　damned　if　it　is　after　all！〃

What　he　said　the　third　time　I　try　to　forget。

Then　he　lost　his　temper　and　tried　bullying　the　thing。　　The　bicycle；
I　was　glad　to　see；　showed　spirit；　and　the　subsequent　proceedings
degenerated　into　little　else　than　a　rough…and…tumble　fight　between
him　and　the　machine。　　One　moment　the　bicycle　would　be　on　the　gravel
path；　and　he　on　top　of　it；　the　next；　the　position　would　be
reversedhe　on　the　gravel　path；　the　bicycle　on　him。　　Now　he　would
be　standing　flushed　with　victory；　the　bicycle　firmly　fixed　between
his　legs。　　But　his　triumph　would　be　short…lived。　　By　a　sudden；
quick　movement　it　would　free　itself；　and；　turning　upon　him；　hit　him
sharply　over　the　head　with　one　of　its　handles。

At　a　quarter　to　one；　dirty　and　dishevelled；　cut　and　breeding；　he
said：　　〃I　think　that　will　do；〃　and　rose　and　wiped　his　brow。

The　bicycle　looked　as　if　it　also　had　had　enough　of　it。　　Which　had
received　most　punishment　it　would　have　been　difficult　to　say。　　I
took　him　into　the　back　kitchen；　where；　so　far　as　was　possible
without　soda　and　proper　tools；　he　cleaned　himself；　and　sent　him
home。

The　bicycle　I　put　into　a　cab　and　took　round　to　the　nearest
repairing　shop。　　The　foreman　of　the　works　came　up　and　looked　at　it。

〃What　do　you　want　me　to　do　with　that？〃　said　he。

〃I　want　you；〃　I　said；　〃so　far　as　is　possible；　to　restore　it。〃

〃It's　a　bit　far　gone；〃　said　he；　〃but　I'll　do　my　best。〃

He　did　his　best；　which　came　to　two　pounds　ten。　　But　it　was　never
the　same　machine　again；　and　at　the　end　of　the　season　I　left　it　in
an　agent's　hands　to　sell。　　I　wished　to　deceive　nobody；　I　instructed
the　man　to　advertise　it　as　a　last　year's　machine。　　The　agent
advised　me　not　to　mention　any　date。　　He　said：

〃In　this　business　it　isn't　a　question　of　what　is　true　and　what
isn't；　it's　a　question　of　what　you　can　get　people　to　believe。　　Now；
between　you　and　me；　it　don't　look　like　a　last　year's　machine；　so
far　as　looks　are　concerned；　it　might　be　a　ten…year　old。　　We'll　say
nothing　about　date；　we'll　just　get　what　we　can。〃

I　left　the　matter　to　him；　and　he　got　me　five　pounds；　which　he　said
was　more　than　he　had　expected。

There　are　two　ways　you　can　get　exercise　out　of　a　bicycle：　　you　can
〃overhaul〃　it；　or　you　can　ride　it。　　On　the　whole；　I　am　not　sure
that　a　man　who　takes　his　pleasure　overhauling　does　not　have　the
best　of　the　bargain。　　He　is　independent　of　the　weather　and　the
wind；　the　state　of　the　roads　troubles　him　not。　　Give　him　a　screw…
hammer；　a　bundle　of　rags；　an　oil…can；　and　something　to　sit　down
upon；　and　he　is　happy　for　the　day。　　He　has　to　put　up　with　certain
disadvantages；　of　course；　there　is　no　joy　without　alloy。　　He
himself　always　looks　like　a　tinker；　and　his　machine　always　suggests
the　idea　that；　having　stolen　it；　he　has　tried　to　disguise　it；　but
as　he　rarely　gets　beyond　the　first　milestone　with　it；　this；
perhaps；　does　not　much　matter。　　The　mistake　some　people　make　is　in
thinking　they　can　get　both　forms　of　sport　out　of　the　same　machine。
This　is　impossible；　no　machine　will　stand　the　double　strain。　　You
must　make　up　your　mind　whether　you　are　going　to　be　an　〃overhauler〃
or　a　rider。　　Personally；　I　prefer　to　ride；　therefore　I　take　care　to
have　near　me　nothing　that　can　tempt　me　to　overhaul。　　When　anything
happens　to　my　machine　I　wheel　it　to　the　nearest　repairing　shop。　　If
I　am　too　far　from　the　town　or　village　to　walk；　I　sit　by　the
roadside　and　wait　till　a　cart　comes　along。　　My　chief　danger；　I
always　find；　is　from　the　wandering　overhauler。　　The　sight　of　a
broken…down　machine　is　to　the　overhauler　as　a　wayside　corpse　to　a
crow；　he　swoops　down　upon　it　with　a　friendly　yell　of　triumph。　　At
first　I　used　to　try　politeness。　　I　would　say：

〃It　is　nothing；　don't　you　trouble。　　You　ride　on；　and　enjoy
yourself；　I　beg　it　of　you　as　a　favour；　please　go　away。〃

Experience　has　taught　me；　however；　that　courtesy　is　of　no　use　in
such　an　extremity。　　Now　I　say：

〃You　go　away　and　leave　the　thing　alone；　or　I　will　knock　your　silly
head　off。〃

And　if　you　look　determined；　and　have　a　good　stout　cudgel　in　your
hand；　you　can　generally　drive　him　off。

George　came　in　later　in　the　day。　　He　said：

〃Well；　do　you　think　everything　will　be　ready？〃

I　said：　　〃Everything　will　be　ready　by　Wednesday；　except；　perhaps；
you　and　Harris。〃

He　said：　　〃Is　the　tandem　all　right？〃

〃The　tandem；〃　I　said；　〃is　well。〃

He　said：　　〃You　don't　think　it　wants　overhauling？〃

I　replied：　　〃Age　and　experience　have　taught　me　that　there　are　few
matters　concerning　which　a　man　does　well　to　be　positive。
Consequently；　there　remain　to　me　now　but　a　limited　number　of
questions　upon　which　I　feel　any　degree　of　certainty。　　Among　such
still…unshaken　beliefs；　however；　is　the　conviction　that　that　tandem
does　not　want　overhauling。　　I　also　feel　a　presentiment　that；
provided　my　life　is　spared；　no　human　being　between　now　and
Wednesday　morning　is　going　to　overhaul　it。〃

George　said：　　〃I　should　not　show　temper　over　the　matter；　if　I　were
you。　　There　will　come　a　day；　perhaps　not　far　distant；　when　that
bicycle；　with　a　couple　of　mountains　between　it　and　the　nearest
repairing　shop；　will；　in　spite　of　your　chronic　desire　for　rest；
HAVE　to　be　overhauled。　　Then　you　will　clamour　for　people　to　tell
you　where　you　put　the　oil…can；　and　what　you　have　done　with　the
screw…hammer。　　Then；　while　you　exert　yourself　holding　the　thing
steady　against　a　tree；　you　will　suggest　that　somebody　else　should
clean　the　chain　and　pump　the　back　wheel。〃

I　felt　there　was　justice　in　George's　rebukealso　a　certain　amount
of　prophetic　wisdom。　　I　said：

〃Forgive　me　if　I　seemed　unresponsive。　　The　truth　is；　Harris　was
round　here　this　morning〃

George　said：　　〃Say　no　more；　I　understand。　　Besides；　what　I　came　to
talk　to　you　about　was　another　matter。　　Look　at　that。〃

He　handed　me　a　small　book　bound　in　red　cloth。　　It　was