the use and need of the life of carrie a. nation-第7部分

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been。　I　exposed　my　health；　would　slop　up　myself　when　I　washed；　and
almost　ruined　my　health；　because　I　had　not　been　properly　educated。　Herein
was　the　curse　of　slavery。　My　father　saw　this；　and　I　don't　believe　he
had　a　regret　when　the　slaves　were　free。　Mother；　it　matters　not　what　else
you　teach　your　daughters；　if　they　have　not　an　experience　in　doing　the
work　themselves　about　a　home；　they　are　sadly　deficient。　It　is　not　the　soft；
palefaced；　painted；　fashionable　lady　we　want；　for　the　world　would　be　better
without　her；　but　the　woman　capable　of　knowing　how；　and　willing　to　take
a　place　in　the　home　affairs　of　life。　It　is　an　ambition　of　mine　to　establish
a　Preparatory　College　in　Topeka；　Kansas；　where　girls　may　be　taught；　as
women　should　be；　that　they　in　turn　may　teach　others；　how　to　wash；　cook；
scrub；　dress　and　talk；　to　counteract　the　idea　that　woman　is　a　toy；　pretty
doll；　with　no　will　power　of　her　own；　only　a　parrot；　a　parasite　of　a
man。　To　be　womanly；　means　strength　of　character；　virtue　and　a　power
for　good。　Let　your　women　be　teachers　of　good　things；　says　the　Holy
Spirit。

The　last　school　I　attended　was　at　Liberty；　Missouri；　taught　by　Mr。
and　Mrs。　Love。　Only　went　there　a　year；　but　it　was　of　untold　value　to　me。
I　was　so　eager　to　get　an　education。　On　account　of　ill　health　and　the　war；
I　knew　but　little。　I　wanted　a　thorough　education。　I　had　read　a　good
many　books；　and　would　write　sketches；　kept　a　diary　part　of　the　time。

I　will　here　relate　an　incident　that　will　give　my　readers　a　little　insight
into　my　impulses。　At　Liberty　School　we　had　a　class　in　Smellie's　Natural
Philosophy。〃　There　was　an　argument　among　the　girls。　Some　said
animals　had　reasoning　faculties。　Others　said　not。　Miss　Jennie　Johnson；
our　teacher；　said：　〃Have　that　for　a　question　to　debate　on　in　your　society。〃
So　it　was　ordered。　I　was　given　the　affirmative。　The　Friday　came。
I　was　taken　by　surprise　and　was　in　confusion；　when　I　saw　the　room
crowded。　The　two　other　societies　of　the　Seminary；　〃The　Mary　Lyons〃
and　〃Rising　Star；〃　also　all　the　teachers；　were　present。　Our　Society　was
the　〃Eunomian〃。　I　had　made　no　preparations。　When　I　was　called　I
know　I　looked　ridiculously　blank。　The　president　tried　to　keep　her　face
straight。　I　got　no　farther　than；　〃Miss　President〃。　All　burst　out　in
uncontrollable　laughter。　I　went　to　my　seat　put　my　face　in　my　arms　and
turned　my　back　to　the　audience。　I　wept　with　tears　of　humiliation。　I
felt　disgraced。　I　thought　of　what　a　shame　this　would　be　to　my　parents。
How　ever　after　this　I　must　be　considered　a　〃Silly〃　by　my　schoolmates。
These　things　nerved　me。　I　dried　my　tears；　turned　around　in　my　seat；
looked　up；　and　the　moral　force　it　required　to　do　this　was　almost　equal
to　that　which　smashed　a　saloon。　I　arose　and　said：　〃Miss　President；　I
am　ready　to　state　my　case。〃　I　began　in　this　style：　〃I　know　animals
have　the　power　to　reason　for　my　brothers　cured　a　dog　from　sucking　eggs
by　having　him　take　a　hot　one　in　his　mouth；　and　it　was　the　last　egg　we
ever　knew　him　to　pick　up。　Why？　Because　he　remembered　the　hot　one
and　reasoned　that　he　might　get　burned。　Why　is　it　that　a　horse　will　like
one　person　more　than　another？　Because　he　is　capable　of　reasoning　and
knows　who　is　the　best　to　him。〃　I　went　on　in　this　homely　style　and　spoke
with　a　vehemence　which　said：　〃I　will　make　my　point；〃　which　I　did
amidst　the　cheers　of　the　school。　I　was　eighteen　at　this　time　and　you
would　say：　〃You　must　have　been　rather　green。〃　So　I　was　in　some
things。

I　believe　I　have　always　failed　in　everything　I　undertook　to　do　the
first　time；　but　I　learned　only　by　experience；　paid　dearly　for　it；　and　valued
it　afterwards。　My　failures　have　been　my　best　teachers。　I　see　no　one
more　awkward　than　I　once　was；　but　I　had　determined　to　conquer。　My
defects　were　the　great　incentives　to　perseverance；　when　I　felt　I　was　right。

I　shall　not　in　this　book　speak　much　of　my　love　affairs；　but　they　were；
nevertheless；　an　important　part　of　my　life。　I　was　a　great　lover。　I　used
to　think　a　person　never　could　love　but　once　in　this　life；　but　I　often　now
say；　I　would　not　want　a　heart　that　could　hold　but　one　love。　It　was　not
the　beauty　of　face　or　form　that　was　the　most　attractive　to　me　in　young
gentlemen；　or　ladies；　but　that　of　the　mind。　Seeing　this　the　case　with　myself；
I　tried　to　acquire　knowledge　to　make　my　company　agreeable。　I　see
young　ladies；　and　gentlemen；　who　entertain　each　other　with　their　silly
jokes　and　gigglings　that　are　disgusting。　When　I　had　company　I　always
directed　the　conversation　so　that　my　friend　would　teach　me　something；　or
I　would　teach　him。　I　would　read　the　poets；　and　Scott's　writings　and　history。
Read　Josephus；　mythology　and　the　Bible　together；　and　never　read　a　course
that　taught　me　as　much。　I　would　go　to　the　country　dances　and　sometimes
to　balls　in　the　City。　The　church　did　not　object　to　this：　I　would
teach　Sunday　school　at　the　same　time。　No　one　taught　me　that　this　was
wrong。　One　thing　was　a　tower　of　defense　to　me。　I　always；　when　possible；
read　the　Bible　and　would　pray。　After　retiring　would　get　up　and　kneel；
feeling　that　to　pray　in　bed　only；　was　disrespectful　to　God。　If　the　angels　in
heaven　would　prostrate　themselves　before　Him；　I　a　poor　sinner　should。
And　right　here；　I　believe　in　〃advancing　on　your　knees。〃　Abraham　prostrated
himself；　so　did　David　and　Solomon；　Elijah；　Daniel；　Paul；　and　even
our　sinless　Advocate。　Why　did　the　Holy　Ghost　state　the　position　so　often？
For　our　example；　of　course。　There　are　no　space　writers　in　the　Scriptures。
I　often　had　doubts　as　to　whether　the　Bible　was　the　work　of　God　or　man。
I　kept　these　doubts　to　myself；　for　I　thought　infidelity　a　disgrace。　I
wanted　to　believe　the　Bible　the　word　of　God。　I　early　saw　that　to　close
the　Bible　was　to　shut　out　all　knowledge　of　the　purpose　of　life。　Without
its　revelations　one　does　not　know　why　we　are　born；　why　we　live；　or
where　we　go　after　death。　We　can　see　the　purpose　of　all　nature；　but　not
of　this　life　of　ours；　and　God　had；　by　revelation；　to　make　this　known。

The　Bible　was　a　mystery　to　me。　It　often　seemed　to　be　a　contradiction。
I　did　not　love　to　read　it；　but　above　all　things；　I　did　not　want　to　be　a
hypocrite。　I　was　determined　to　try　to　do　my　part。　I　would　pray　for　the　same
thing　over　and　over　again；　so　as　to　be　in　earnest；　and　think　of　what　I　was
asking。　My　mind　was　distracted　by　thoughts　of　the　world。　I　said；　if
there　is　a　God；　he　will　not　hear　the　prayer　of　those；　so　disrespectful　as
not　to　think　of　what　they　ask。　I　never　seemed　to　get　rid　of　this；　unless　at
times；　when　I　would　have　some　sorrow　of　heart。　〃By　the　sadness　of　the
countenance；　the　heart　is　made　better。〃

I　do　not　believe　the　Bible　because　I　understand　it；　for　there　are　few
things　of　revelation　that　I　do　understand。　Creation　is　a　mystery；　still
we　know　everything　had　a　beginning。　I　do　not　know　why　things　grow
out　of　the　earth。　Why　they　are　green。　Why　grass　makes　wool　on　a
sheep　and　hair　on　a　cow；　but　I　know　these　are　facts。　I　cannot　understand
why　or　how　the　blood　of　Jesus　Christ　cleanses　from　sin；　neither
do　I　understand　that　greatest　of　all　mysteries；　the　new　birth；　but　nothing
more　positively　a　fact　in　my　experience。

God　is　not　perceived　by　the　five　senses。　The　things　that　are　seen
are　temporal；　but　those　that　are　unseen　are　eternal。　What　a　sin　of　presumption
to　question　God　in　any　of　His　providences。　What　God　says
and　does　is　wisdom；　righteousness　and　power。

The　book　of　Psalms　condemned　me。　I　said；　I　never　felt　like　David。
I　cannot　rejoice。　Still　I　felt　that　I　ought　to；　but　instead；　a　constant
feeling
of　condemnation　and　conviction。　This　was　torture　to　me。　I　would
often　have　been　willing　to　have　died；　if　I　thought　it　would　have　been　an
eternal　sleep。　My　childhood　and　girlhood　were　not　happy；　had　so　many
disappointments。　I　was　called　〃hard　headed〃　by　my　parents。　I　never　was
free　to　have　what　I　wished；　something　would　come　between　me　and　what
I　wanted。　No　one　understood　me　so　well　as　my　darling　aunt　Hope　Hill；
my　mother's　sister。　She　seemed　to　read　me　and　would　talk　to　me　of　persons
and　things；　answering　the　very　cry　of　my　heart。　My　mother　would
often　let　me　stay　with　her　for　months。　She　had　five　sons；　but　no　daughters
and　she　was　very　fond　of　me。　This　lesson　she　taught　me：　A　party
of　ladies　came　out　from　Independence　to　spend　the　day　with　her。　Mrs。
Woodson　and　a　Mrs。　Porter；　wife　of　Dr。　Porter；　I　remember　the　latter；　one
of　the　handsomest　women　I　ever　saw；　beautiful　feet；　hands；　hair；　and　a
woman　who　knew　it；　and；　it　was　a　mater　of　the　greatest　pride　with　her；
these　charms。　I　was　very　much　captivated　by　her　splendid　appearance
and　could　not　keep　my　eyes　from　her。　Next　day　Mrs。　John　Staton；　a
country　neighbor　of　my　aunts；　came　in　to　make　a　visit；　She　was　very
plain；　wore　a　calico　dress；　waist…apron；　and　she　was　knitting　a　sock。
After　she　left　aunt　said　to　me：　〃Carry；　you　did　not　seem　to　like　Mrs。
Staton's　society　as　you　did　Mrs。　Porter's；　but　one　sentence　of　Mrs。
Staton's　is　worth　all　Mrs。　Porter　said。　Mrs。　Porter　lives　for　this　world；
Mrs。　Staton　lives　for　God。〃　This　Lesson　I　did　not　learn　then；　but　have
since。　Oh！　for　the　old…fashioned　women。


MY　EXPERIENCE　WITH　SPIRITUALISM。

Just　at　the　close　of　the　war　when　we　were　on　a　farm　in　Cass　County；
Missouri；　a　colony　of　spiritualists　were　near　us；　Mrs。　Hawkins；　the
medium　was　about　60　years　old；　very　peculiar；　and　finely　educated。
My　father　had　some　farms　he　was　selling　for　other　people。　He　took
Mrs。　Hawkins　and　several　of　her　company　to　look　at　a　farm　with　a　view
of　selling　it。　When　she　saw　it　from　a　hill　some　distance　off　she　said：
〃That　is　the　place　I　saw　in　Connecticut。〃　She　bought　it　for　a　town　site。
In　writing　to　Washington　to　give　it　a　name；　the　word　〃Peculiar〃　was
selected；　and　so　it　has　ever　been　called。　Mrs。　Hawkins　took　a　great
fancy　to　me。　She　would　tell　me　of　great　things　she　had　done；　then　say：
〃Could　Jesus　Christ　have　done　more？〃　I　had　never　heard　of　Spiritualism
that　I　knew　of；　up　to　this　time。　This　colony　brought　mechanics；　merchants
and　musicians　with　them。　I　was　in　great　confusion　about　this　matter；　not
knowing　what　to　think；　for　she　did　some　superhuman　things。　Up　stairs
we　had　a　large　safe　full　of　old　books。　I　was　looking　over　them　one　day；
came　to　a　little　book　called　〃Spiritualism　Ex