elizabeth and her german garden-第4部分

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home；　not　only　shall　he　be　welcomed　by　a　wife　decked　with　the　orthodox　smiles；　but　by　the　three　little　longed…for　owls。　　Only　it　seems　wicked　to　take　them　from　their　mother；　and　I　know　that　I　shall　let　them　go　again　some　day　perhaps　the　very　next　time　the　Man　of　Wrath　goes　on　a　journey。　I　put　a　small　pot　of　water　in　the　cage；　though　they　never　could　have　tasted　water　yet　unless　they　drink　the　raindrops　off　the　beech　leaves。　I　suppose　they　get　all　the　liquid　they　need　from　the　bodies　of　the　mice　and　other　dainties　provided　for　them　by　their　fond　parents。　But　the　raindrop　idea　is　prettier。

May　15th。How　cruel　it　was　of　me　to　put　those　poor　little　owls　into　a　cage　even　for　one　night！　　I　cannot　forgive　myself；　and　shall　never　pander　to　the　Man　of　Wrath's　wishes　again。　This　morning　I　got　up　early　to　see　how　they　were　getting　on；　and　I　found　the　door　of　the　cage　wide　open　and　no　owls　to　be　seen。　I　thought　of　course　that　somebody　had　stolen　them　some　boy　from　the　village；　or　perhaps　the　chastised　cowherd。　But　looking　about　I　saw　one　perched　high　up　in　the　branches　of　the　beech　tree；　and　then　to　my　dismay　one　lying　dead　on　the　ground。　The　third　was　nowhere　to　be　seen；　and　is　probably　safe　in　its　nest。　The　parents　must　have　torn　at　the　bars　of　the　cage　until　by　chance　they　got　the　door　open；　and　then　dragged　the　little　ones　out　and　up　into　the　tree。　　The　one　that　is　dead　must　have　been　blown　off　the　branch；　as　it　was　a　windy　night　and　its　neck　is　broken。　There　is　one　happy　life　less　in　the　garden　to…day　through　my　fault；　and　it　is　such　a　lovely；　warm　dayjust　the　sort　of　weather　for　young　soft　things　to　enjoy　and　grow　in。　The　babies　are　greatly　distressed；　and　are　digging　a　grave；　and　preparing　funeral　wreaths　of　dandelions。

Just　as　I　had　written　that　I　heard　sounds　of　arrival；　and　running　out　I　breathlessly　told　the　Man　of　Wrath　how　nearly　I　had　been　able　to　give　him　the　owls　he　has　so　often　said　he　would　like　to　have；　and　how　sorry　I　was　they　were　gone；　and　how　grievous　the　death　of　one；　and　so　on　after　the　voluble　manner　of　women。

He　listened　till　I　paused　to　breathe；　and　then　he　said；　〃I　am　surprised　at　such　cruelty。　　How　could　you　make　the　mother　owl　suffer　so？　She　had　never　done　you　any　harm。〃

Which　sent　me　out　of　the　house　and　into　the　garden　more　convinced　than　ever　that　he　sang　true　who　sang

　　　　　Two　paradises　'twere　in　one　to　live　in　Paradise　alone。


May　16th。The　garden　is　the　place　I　go　to　for　refuge　and　shelter；　not　the　house。　　In　the　house　are　duties　and　annoyances；　servants　to　exhort　and　admonish；　furniture；　and　meals；　but　out　there　blessings　crowd　round　me　at　every　step　it　is　there　that　I　am　sorry　for　the　unkindness　in　me；　for　those　selfish　thoughts　that　are　so　much　worse　than　they　feel；　it　is　there　that　all　my　sins　and　silliness　are　forgiven；　there　that　I　feel　protected　and　at　home；　and　every　flower　and　weed　is　a　friend　and　every　tree　a　lover。　　When　I　have　been　vexed　I　run　out　to　them　for　comfort；　and　when　I　have　been　angry　without　just　cause；　it　is　there　that　I　find　absolution。　Did　ever　a　woman　have　so　many　friends？　　And　always　the　same；　always　ready　to　welcome　me　and　fill　me　with　cheerful　thoughts。　Happy　children　of　a　common　Father；　why　should　I；　their　own　sister；　be　less　content　and　joyous　than　they？　　Even　in　a　thunder　storm；　when　other　people　are　running　into　the　house；　I　run　out　of　it。　I　do　not　like　thunder　stormsthey　frighten　me　for　hours　before　they　come；　because　I　always　feel　them　on　the　way；　but　it　is　odd　that　I　should　go　for　shelter　to　the　garden。　I　feel　better　there；　more　taken　care　of；　more　petted。　When　it　thunders；　the　April　baby　says；　〃There's　lieber　Gott　scolding　those　angels　again。〃　　And　once；　when　there　was　a　storm　in　the　night；　she　complained　loudly；　and　wanted　to　know　why　lieber　Gott　didn't　do　the　scolding　in　the　daytime；　as　she　had　been　so　tight　asleep。　They　all　three　speak　a　wonderful　mixture　of　German　and　English；　adulterating　the　purity　of　their　native　tongue　by　putting　in　English　words　in　the　middle　of　a　German　sentence。　It　always　reminds　me　of　Justice　tempered　by　Mercy。　We　have　been　cowslipping　to…day　in　a　little　wood　dignified　by　the　name　of　the　Hirschwald；　because　it　is　the　happy　hunting…ground　of　innumerable　deer　who　fight　there　in　the　autumn　evenings；　calling　each　other　out　to　combat　with　bayings　that　ring　through　the　silence　and　send　agreeable　shivers　through　the　lonely　listener。　I　often　walk　there　in　September；　late　in　the　evening；　and　sitting　on　a　fallen　tree　listen　fascinated　to　their　angry　cries。

We　made　cowslip　balls　sitting　on　the　grass。　　The　babies　had　never　seen　such　things　nor　had　imagined　anything　half　so　sweet。　The　Hirschwald　is　a　little　open　wood　of　silver　birches　and　springy　turf　starred　with　flowers；　and　there　is　a　tiny　stream　meandering　amiably　about　it　and　decking　itself　in　June　with　yellow　flags。　I　have　dreams　of　having　a　little　cottage　built　there；　with　the　daisies　up　to　the　door；　and　no　path　of　any　sort　just　big　enough　to　hold　myself　and　one　baby　inside　and　a　purple　clematis　outside。　　Two　roomsa　bedroom　and　a　kitchen。　How　scared　we　would　be　at　night；　and　how　completely　happy　by　day！　I　know　the　exact　spot　where　it　should　stand；　facing　south…east；　so　that　we　should　get　all　the　cheerfulness　of　the　morning；　and　close　to　the　stream；　so　that　we　might　wash　our　plates　among　the　flags。　　Sometimes；　when　in　the　mood　for　society；　we　would　invite　the　remaining　babies　to　tea　and　entertain　them　with　wild　strawberries　on　plates　of　horse…chestnut　leaves；　but　no　one　less　innocent　and　easily　pleased　than　a　baby　would　be　permitted　to　darken　the　effulgence　of　our　sunny　cottage　indeed；　I　don't　suppose　that　anybody　wiser　would　care　to　come。　Wise　people　want　so　many　things　before　they　can　even　begin　to　enjoy　themselves；　and　I　feel　perpetually　apologetic　when　with　them；　for　only　being　able　to　offer　them　that　which　I　love　best　myself　apologetic；　and　ashamed　of　being　so　easily　contented。

The　other　day　at　a　dinner　party　in　the　nearest　town　（it　took　us　the　whole　afternoon　to　get　there）　the　women　after　dinner　were　curious　to　know　how　I　had　endured　the　winter；　cut　off　from　everybody　and　snowed　up　sometimes　for　weeks。

〃Ah；　these　husbands！〃　sighed　an　ample　lady；　lugubriously　shaking　her　head；　〃they　shut　up　their　wives　because　it　suits　them；　and　don't　care　what　their　sufferings　are。〃

Then　the　others　sighed　and　shook　their　heads　too；　for　the　ample　lady　was　a　great　local　potentate；　and　one　began　to　tell　how　another　dreadful　husband　had　brought　his　young　wife　into　the　country　and　had　kept　her　there；　concealing　her　beauty　and　accomplishments　from　the　public　in　a　most　cruel　manner；　and　how；　after　spending　a　certain　number　of　years　in　alternately　weeping　and　producing　progeny；　she　had　quite　lately　run　away　with　somebody　unspeakableI　think　it　was　the　footman；　or　the　baker；　or　some　one　of　that　sort。

〃But　I　am　quite　happy；〃　I　began；　as　soon　as　I　could　put　in　a　word。

〃Ah；　a　good　little　wife；　making　the　best　of　it；〃　and　the　female　potentate　patted　my　hand；　but　continued　gloomily　to　shake　her　head。

〃You　cannot　possibly　be　happy　in　the　winter　entirely　alone；〃　asserted　another　lady；　the　wife　of　a　high　military　authority　and　not　accustomed　to　be　contradicted。

〃But　I　am。〃

〃But　how　can　you　possibly　be　at　your　age？　　No；　it　is　not　possible。〃

〃But　I　_am_。〃

〃Your　husband　ought　to　bring　you　to　town　in　the　winter。〃

〃But　I　don't　want　to　be　brought　to　town。〃

〃And　not　let　you　waste　your　best　years　buried。〃　　　〃But　I　like　being　buried。〃

〃Such　solitude　is　not　right。〃

〃But　I'm　not　solitary。〃

〃And　can　come　to　no　good。〃　　She　was　getting　quite　angry。

There　was　a　chorus　of　No　Indeeds　at　her　last　remark；　and　renewed　shaking　of　heads。

〃I　enjoyed　the　winter　immensely；〃　I　persisted　when　they　were　a　little　quieter；　〃I　sleighed　and　skated；　and　then　there　were　the　children；　and　shelves　and　shelves　full　of〃　I　was　going　to　say　books；　but　stopped。　　Reading　is　an　occupation　for　men；　for　women　it　is　reprehensible　waste　of　time。　And　how　could　I　talk　to　them　of　the　happiness　I　felt　when　the　sun　shone　on　the　snow；　or　of　the　deep　delight　of　hear…frost　days？

〃It　is　entirely　my　doing　that　we　have　come　down　here；〃　I　proceeded；　〃and　my　husband　only　did　it　to　please　me。〃

〃Such　a　good　little　wife；〃　repeated　the　patronising　potentate；　again　patting　my　hand　with　an　air　of　understanding　all　about　it；　〃really　an　excellent　little　wife。　　But　you　must　not　let　your　husband　have　his　own　way　too　much；　my　dear；　and　take　my　advice　and　insist　on　his　bringing　you　to　town　next　winter。〃　　　And　then　they　fell　to　talking　about　their　cooks；　having　settled　to　their　entire　satisfaction　that　my　fate　was　probably　lying　in　wait　for　me　too；　lurking　perhaps　at　that　very　moment　behind　the　apparently　harmless　brass　buttons　of　the　man　in　the　hall　with　my　cloak。

I　laughed　on　the　way　home；　and　I　laughed　again　for　sheer　satisfaction　when　we　reached　the　garden　and　drove　between　the　quiet　trees　to　the　pretty　old　house；　and　when　I　went　into　the　library；　with　its　four　windows　open　to　the　moonlight　and　the　scent；　and　looked　round　at　the　familiar　bookshelves；　and　could　hear　no　sounds　but　sounds　of　peace；　and　knew　that　here　I　might　read　or　dream　or　idle　exactly　as　I　chose　with　never　a　creature　to　disturb　me；　how　grateful　I　felt　to　the　kindly　Fate　that　has　brought　me　here　and　given　me　a　heart　to　understand　my　own　blessedness；　and　rescued　me　from　a　life　like　that　I　had　just　seena　life　spent　with　the　odours　of　other　people's　dinners　in　one's　nostrils；　and　the　noise　of　their　wrangling　servants　in　one's　ears；　and　parties　and　tattle　for　all　amusement。

But　I　must　confess　to　having　felt　sometimes　quite　crushed　when　some　grand　person；　examining　the　details　of　my　home　through　her　eyeglass；　and　coolly　dissecting　all　that　I　so　much　prize　from　the　convenient　distance　of　the　open　window；　has　finished　up　by　expressing　sympathy　with　my　loneliness；　and　on　my　protesting　that　I　like　it；　has　murmured；　〃sebr　anspruchslos。〃　Then　indeed　I　have　felt　ashamed　of　the　fewness　of　my　wants；　but　only　for　a　moment；　and　only　under　the　withering　influence　of　the　eyeglass；　for；　after　all；　the　owner's　spirit　is　the　same　spirit　as　that　which　dwells　in　my　servantsgirls　whose　one　idea　of　happiness　is　to　live　in　a　town　where　there　are　others　of　their　sort　with　whom　to　drin