back home-第24部分

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　people；　laughing　at　the　country　jake　that　comes　out　to　ride　the　trick…mule；　and　you'd　happen　to　look　up　and　see　where　the　canvas　was　ju…u…ust　beginning　to　blaze；　and　you'd　jump　up　and　holler：　〃Fire！　　Fire！〃　as　loud　as　ever　you　could　because　you　saw　it　first；　and　you'd　point　to　the　place。　Excitement？　　Well；　I　guess　yes。　　The　people　would　all　run　every　which　way；　and　fall　all　over　themselves；　and　the　women　would　squeal　　…　And　do　you　know　what　I'd　do？　　Wouldn't　just　let　myself　down　between　the　kind　of　bedslat　benches；　and　drop　to　the　ground；　and　lift　up　the　canvas　and　there　I'd　be　all　safe。　　And　after　I　was　all　safe；　then　I'd　go　back　and　rescue　folks。

We…ell；　I　s'pose　I'd　have　to　rescue　a　girl。　　It　seems　they　always　do　that。　　But　it　would　be　nicer；　I　think；　to　rescue　some　real　rich　man。　　He'd　say：　〃My　noble　preserver！　　How　can　I　sufficiently　reward　you？〃　and　take　out　his　pocketbook。　　And　wouldn't　say：　〃Take　back　your　proffered　gold；〃　and　make　like　I　was　pushing　it　away；　〃take　back　your　proffered　gold。　　I　but　did　my　duty。〃　　And　then　wouldn't　forget　all　about　it。　　And　one　day；　after　I'd　forgotten　all　about；　it；　the　man　would　die；　and　will　me　a　million　dollars；　or　a　thousand；　I　don't　know。　　Enough　to　make　me　rich。

And　say！　　Wouldn't　the　animals　get　excited　when　they　saw　the　show　was　afire？　　They'd　just　roar　and　roar；　and　upset　the　cages；　and　maybe　they'd　get　loose。　　O…o…o…Oh！　　How　about　that？　　If　there　was　a　lion　come　at　me　I'd　climb　a　tree。　　What　would　you　do？　　Ah；　your　pa's　shot…gun　nothing！　　Why；　you　crazy；　that　would　only　infuriate　him　the　more。　　What　you　want　to　do　is　to　take　an　express　rifle；　like　Doo　Challoo　did；　and　aim　right　for　his　heart。　　An　express　rifle　is　what　you　send　off　and　get；　and　they　ship　it　to　you　by　express。

So　you　see　what　a　fellow　misses　by　having　to　go　to　the　show　in　the　afternoon；　like　the　girls　and　the　a…b…abs。　　The　boys　from　across　the　tracks　get　to　go　at　night。　　They　have　all　the　fun。　　When　they　go　they　don't　have　to　poke　along；　and　poke　along；　and　keep　hold　of　hands　so　as　not　to　get　lost。　。　。　。　　Aw；　hurry　up；　can't　you？　　Don't　you　hear　the　band　playing？　　It'll　be　all　over　before　we　get　there。

But　finally　the　lots　are　reached；　and　there　are　the　tents；　with　all　kinds　of　flags　snapping　from　the　centerpoles　and　the　guy…ropes。　And　there　are　the　sideshows。　　Alas！　　You　never　thought　of　the　sideshows　when　you　asked　if　you　could　go。　　And　now　it's　too　late。　It　must　be　fine　in　the　side…shows。　　I　never　got　to　go　to　one。　　I　didn't　have　the　money。　　But　if　the　big；　painted　banners；　bulging　in　and　out；　as　the　wind　plays　with　them；　are　anything　to　go　by；　it　must　be　something　grand　to　see　the　Fat　Lady；　and　the　Circassian　Beauty；　whose　frizzled　head　will　just　about　fit　a　bushel　basket；　and　the　Armless　Wonder。　　They　say　he　can　take　a　pair　of　scissors　with　his　toes　and　cut　your　picture　out　of　paper　just　elegant。

Oh；　and　something　else　you　miss　by　going　in　the　afternoon。　　At　night　you　can　sneak　around　at　the　back；　and　when　nobody　is　looking　you　can　just　lift　up　the　canvas　and　go　right　in　for　nothing　。　。　。　。　Why；　what's　wrong　about　that？　　Ah；　you're　too　particular　。　。　。　。　　And　if　the　canvasman　catches　you；　you　can　commence　to　cry　and　say　you　had　only　forty　cents；　and　wanted　to　see　the　circus　so　bad；　and　he'll　take　it　and　let　you　in；　and　you　can　have　ten　cents；　don't　you　see；　to　spend　for　lemonade；　red　lemonade；　you　understand；　and　peanuts；　the　littlest　bags；　and　the　〃on…riest〃　peanuts　that　ever　were。

As　far　as　I　can　see；　the　animal　part　of　the　show　is　just　the　same　as　it　always　was。　　The　people　that　take　you　to　the　show　always　pretend　to　be　interested　in　them；　but　it's　my　belief　they　stop　and　look　only　to　tease　you。　　Away；　'way　back　in　ancient　times；　there　used　to　be　a　man　that　took　the　folks　around　and　told　them　what　was　in　each　cage；　and　where　it　came　from；　and　how　much　it　cost；　and　what　useful　purpose　it　served　in　the　wise　economy　of　nature；　and　all　about　it。　　That　was　before　my　time。　　But　I　can　recollect　something　they　had　that　they　don't　have　any　more。　　I　can　remember　when　Mr。　Barnum　first　brought　his　show　to　our　town。　　It　didn't　take　much　teasing　to　get　to　go　to　that；　because　in　those　days　Mr。　Barnum　was　a　〃biger　man　than　old　Grant。〃　　〃The　Life　of　P。　T。　Barnum；　Written　by　Himself〃　was　on　everybody's　marble…topped　centertable；　just　the　same　as　〃The　History　of　the　Great　Rebellion。〃　　You　show　some　elderly　person　from　out　of　town　the　church　across　the　street　from　the　Astor　House；　and　say：　〃That's　St。　Paul's　Chapel。　　General　Montgomery's　monument　is　in　the　chancel　window。　　George　Washington　went　to　meeting　there　the　day　he　was　inaugurated　president；〃　and　your　friend　will　say：　〃M…hm。〃　　But　you　tell　him　that　right　across　Broadway　is　where　Barnum's　Museum　used　to　be；　and　he'll　brighten　right　up　and　remember　all　about　how　Barnum　strung　a　flag　across　to　St。　Paul's　steeple　and　what　a　fuss　the　vestry　of　Trinity　Parish　made。　That's　something　he　knows　about。　　that's　part　of　the　history　of　our　country。

Well；　when　Mr。　Barnum　first　came　to　our　town；　all　around　one　tent　were　vans　full　of　the　very　identical　Moral　Waxworks　that　we　had　read　about；　and　had　given　up　all　hopes　of　ever　seeing　because　New　York　was　so　far　away。　　There　was　the　Dying　Zouave。　　Oh；　that　was　a　beauty！　　The　Advance　Courier　said　that　〃the　crimson　torrent　of　his　heart's　blood　spouted　in　rhythmic　jets　as　the　tide　of　life　ebbed　silently　away；〃　but　I　guess　by　the　time　they　got　to　our　town　they　must　have　run　all　out　of　pokeberry　juice；　for　the　〃crimson　torrent〃　didn't　spout　at　all。　　But　his　bosom　heaved　every　so　often；　and　he　rolled　up　his　eyes　something　grand！　　I　liked　it；　but　my　mother　said　it　was　horrid。　　That's　the　way　with　women。　　They　don't　like　anything　that　anybody　else　does。　　There's　no　pleasing　'em。　　And　she　thought　the　Drunkard's　Family　was　〃kind　o'　low。〃　　It　wasn't　either。　　It　was　fine；　and　taught　a　great　moral　lesson。　　I　told　her　so；　but　she　said　it　was　low；　just　the　same。　　She　thought　the　Temperance　Family　was　nice；　but　it　wasn't　anywhere　near　as　good　as　the　Drunkard's　Family。　Why；　let　me　tell　you。　　The　Drunkard's　Wife　was　in　a　ragged　calico　dress；　and　her　eye　was　all　black　and　blue；　where　he　had　hit　her　the　week　before。　　And　the　Drunkard　had　hold　of　a　black　quart　bottle；　and　his　nose　was　all　red；　and　he　wore　a　plug　hat　that　was　even　rustier　and　more　caved　in　than　Elder　Drown's；　if　such　a　thing　were　possible。　　And　there　was　…　　But　I　can't　begin　to　tell　you　of　all　the　fine　things　Mr。　Barnum　had　that　year；　but　never　had　again。

Another　thing　Mr。　Barnum　had　that　year　that　never　appeared　again。　It　may　be　that　after　that　time　the　Funny　Old　Clown　did　crack　a　joke；　but　I　never　heard　him。　　The　one　that　Mr。　Barnum　had　got　off　the　most　comical　thing　you　ever　heard。　　I'll　never　forget　it　the　longest　day　I　live。　　Laugh？　　Why；　I　nearly　took　a　conniption　over　it。　　It　seems　the　clown　got　to　crying　about　something　。　。　。　。　　Now　what　was　it　made　him　cry？　　Let　me　see　now　。　。　。　。　Ain't　it　queer　I　can't　remember　that？　　Fudge！　　Well；　never　mind　now。　　It　will　come　to　me　in　a　minute。

I　feel　kind　of　sorry　for　the　poor　little　young　ones　that　grow　up　and　never　know　what　a　clown　is　like。　　Oh；　yes；　they　have　them　to…day；　after　a　fashion。　　They　stub　their　toes　and　fall　down　the　same　as　ever；　but　there　is　a　whole　mob　of　them　and　you　can't　take　the　interest　in　them　that　you　could　in　〃the　one；　the　only；　the　inimitable〃　clown　there　used　to　be；　a　character　of　such　importance　that　he　got　his　name　on　the　bills。　　He　was　a　mighty　man　in　those　days。　　The　ring…master　was　a　kind　of　stuck…up　fellow；　very　important　in　his　own　estimation；　but　he　didn't　have　a　spark　of　humor。　　Not　a　spark。　　And　he'd　be　swelling　around　there；　all　so　grand；　and　the　clown；　just　to　take　him　down　a　peg　or　two；　would　ask　him　a　conundrum。　　And　do　you　think　he　could　ever　guess　one？　Never。　　Not　a　one。　　And　when　the　clown　would　tell　him　what　the　answer　was；　he'd　be　so　vexed　at　himself　that　he'd　try　to　take　it　out　on　the　poor　clown；　and　cut　at　him　with　his　long　whip。　　But　Mr。　Clown　was　just　as　spry　in　his　shoes　as　he　was　under　the　hat；　and　he'd　hop　up　on　the　ring…side　out　of　the　way；　and　squall　out：　〃A…a…aah！　　Never　touched　me！〃　　We　had　that　for　a　byword。　　Oh；　you'd　die　laughing　at　the　comical　remarks　he'd　make。　　And　he'd　be　so　quick　about　it。　　The　ring…master　would　say　something；　and　before　you'd　think；　the　clown　would　make　a　joke　out　of　it　。　。　。　。　I　wish　I　could　remember　what　it　was　he　said　that　was　so　funny；　the　time　he　started　crying。　　Seems　to　me　it　was　something　about　his　little　brother　。　。　。　。　Well；　no　matter。

Yes；　sir；　there　are　heads　of　families　to…day；　I'll　bet　you；　that　have　grown　up　without　ever　having　heard　a　clown　sing　a　comic　song；　and　ask　the　audience　to　join　in　the　chorus。　　And　if　you　say　to　such　people：　〃Here　we　are　again；　Mr。　Merryman；〃　or　〃Bring　on　another　horse；〃　or　〃What　will　the　little　lady　have　now？　the　banners；　my　lord？〃　they　look　at　you　so　funny。　　They　don't　know　what　you　mean；　and　they　don't　know　whether　to　get　huffy　or　not。　　Well；　I　suppose　it　had　to　be　that　the　Funny　Old　Clown　with　all　his　songs；　and　quips；　and　conundrums；　and　comical　remarks　should　disappear。　　Perhaps　he　〃didn't　pay。〃

I　can't　see　that　the　rest　of　the　show　has　changed　so　very　much。　Perhaps　the　trapeze　performances　are　more　marvelous　and　breath…suspending　than　they　used　to　be。　　But　they　were　far　and　far　beyond　what　we　could　dream　of　then；　and　to　go　still　farther　as　little　impresses　us　as　to　be　told　that　people　live　still　even　westerly　of　Idaho。　　The　trapeze　performers　are　up…to…date　in　one　respect。　　The　fellow　that　comes　down　with　his　arms　folded；　one　leg　stuck　out　and　the　other　twined　around　the　big　rope；　revolving　slowly；　slowly　…　well；　the　band　plays　the　Intermezzo　from　〃Cavalleria　Rusticana〃　nowadays　when　he　does　that。　　It　used　to　play：　〃O　Thou；　Sweet　Spirit；　Hear　my　Prayer！〃　　But　the　lady　in　the　riding…habit　still　smiles　as　if　it　hurt　her　when　her　horse　walks　on　its　hind　legs；　the　bareback　rider　does　the　very　same　fancy　steps　as　the　horse　goes　round　the　ring　in　a　rocking…chair　lope；　the　attendants　still　slant　the　hurdles　almost　flat　for　the　horse　to　jump；　they　still　snake　the　banners　under　the　rider's　feet　as　he　gives　a　little　hop　up；　and　they　still　bang　him　on　the　head　with　the　paper…covered　hoop　to　　。　。　。　。　Hold　on