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opportunity　and　the　power　of　satisfying　it！　　If　such　a　man　hath

ambition；　how　happy　is　it　for　him　to　be　seated　so　on　high；　that

every　act　blazes　abroad；　and　attracts　to　him　praises　tainted　with

neither　sarcasm　nor　adulation；　but　such　as　the　nicest　and　most

delicate　mind　may　relish！　　Thus；　therefore；　while　you　derive　your

good　from　me；　I　am　your　superior。　　If　to　my　strict　distribution

of　justice　you　owe　the　safety　of　your　property　from　domestic

enemies；　if　by　my　vigilance　and　valor　you　are　protected　from

foreign　foes；　if　by　my　encouragement　of　genuine　industry；　every

science；　every　art　which　can　embellish　or　sweeten　life；　is

produced　and　flourishes　among　you；　will　any　of　you　be　so

insensible　or　ungrateful　as　to　deny　praise　and　respect　to　him　by

whose　care　and　conduct　you　enjoy　these　blessings？　　I　wonder　not

at　the　censure　which　so　frequently　falls　on　those　in　my　station；

but　I　wonder　that　those　in　my　station　so　frequently　deserve　it。　

What　strange　perverseness　of　nature！　What　wanton　delight　in

mischief　must　taint　his　composition；　who　prefers　dangers；

difficulty；　and　disgrace；　by　doing　evil；　to　safety；　ease；　and

honor；　by　doing　good！　who　refuses　happiness　in　the　other　world；

and　heaven　in　this；　for　misery　there　and　hell　here！　　But；　be

assured；　my　intentions　are　different。　　I　shall　always　endeavor

the　ease；　the　happiness；　and　the　glory　of　my　people；　being

confident　that；　by　so　doing；　I　take　the　most　certain　method　of

procuring　them　all　to　myself。〃He　then　struck　directly　into　the

road　of　goodness；　and　received　such　a　shout　of　applause　as　I

never　remember　to　have　heard　equaled。　　He　was　gone　a　little　way

when　a　spirit　limped　after　him；　swearing　he　would　fetch　him　back。



This　spirit；　I　was　presently　informed；　was　one　who　had　drawn　the

lot　of　his　prime　minister。





CHAPTER　VI　



An　account　of　the　wheel　of　fortune；　with　a　method　of　preparing　a

spirit　for　this　world。



We　now　proceeded　on　our　journey；　without　staying　to　see　whether

he　fulfilled　his　word　or　no；　and　without　encountering　anything

worth　mentioning；　came　to　the　place　where　the　spirits　on　their

passage　to　the　other　world　were　obliged　to　decide　by　lot　the

station　in　which　every　one　was　to　act　there。　　Here　was　a

monstrous　wheel；　infinitely　larger　than　those　in　which　I　had

formerly　seen　lottery…tickets　deposited。　　This　was　called　the

WHEEL　OF　FORTUNE。



The　goddess　herself　was　present。　　She　was　one　of　the　most

deformed　females　I　ever　beheld；　nor　could　I　help　observing　the

frowns　she　expressed　when　any　beautiful　spirit　of　her　own　sex

passed　by　her；　nor　the　affability　which　smiled　in　her　countenance

on　the　approach　of　any　handsome　male　spirits。　　Hence　I　accounted

for　the　truth　of　an　observation　I　had　often　made　on　earth；　that

nothing　is　more　fortunate　than　handsome　men；　nor　more　unfortunate

than　handsome　women。　　The　reader　may　be　perhaps　pleased　with　an

account　of　the　whole　method　of　equipping　a　spirit　for　his

entrance　into　the　flesh。



First；　then；　he　receives　from　a　very　sage　person；　whose　look　much

resembled　that　of　an　apothecary　（his　warehouse　likewise　bearing

an　affinity　to　an　apothecary's　shop）；　a　small　phial　inscribed；

THE　PATHETIC　POTION；　to　be　taken　just　before　you　are　born。　　This

potion　is　a　mixture　of　all　the　passions；　but　in　no　exact

proportion；　so　that　sometimes　one　predominates；　and　sometimes

another；　nay；　often　in　the　hurry　of　making　up；　one　particular

ingredient　is；　as　we　were　informed；　left　out。　　The　spirit

receiveth　at　the　same　time　another　medicine　called　the　NOUSPHORIC

DECOCTION；　of　which　he　is　to　drink　ad　libitum。　　This　decoction　is

an　extract　from　the　faculties　of　the　mind；　sometimes　extremely

strong　and　spirituous；　and　sometimes　altogether　as　weak；　for　very

little　care　is　taken　in　the　preparation。　　This　decoction　is　so

extremely　bitter　and　unpleasant；　that；　notwithstanding　its

wholesomeness；　several　spirits　will　not　be　persuaded　to　swallow　a

drop　of　it；　but　throw　it　away；　or　give　it　to　any　other　who　will

receive　it；　by　which　means　some　who　were　not　disgusted　by　the

nauseousness　drank　double　and　treble　portions。　　I　observed　a

beautiful　young　female；　who；　tasting　it　immediately　from

curiosity；　screwed　up　her　face　and　cast　it　from　her　with　great

disdain；　whence　advancing　presently　to　the　wheel；　she　drew　a

coronet；　which　she　clapped　up　so　eagerly　that　I　could　not

distinguish　the　degree；　and　indeed　I　observed　several　of　the　same

sex；　after　a　very　small　sip；　throw　the　bottles　away。　　As　soon　as

the　spirit　is　dismissed　by　the　operator；　or　apothecary；　he　is　at

liberty　to　approach　the　wheel；　where　he　hath　a　right　to　extract　a

single　lot：　　but　those　whom　Fortune　favors　she　permits　sometimes

secretly　to　draw　three　or　four。　　I　observed　a　comical　kind　of

figure　who　drew　forth　a　handful；　which；　when　he　opened；　were　a

bishop；　a　general；　a　privy…counselor；　a　player；　and　a　poet…

laureate；　and；　returning　the　three　first；　he　walked　off；　smiling；

with　the　two　last。　　Every　single　lot　contained　two　more　articles；

which　were　generally　disposed　so　as　to　render　the　lots　as　equal

as　possible　to　each　other；　on　one　was　written；　EARL；　RICHES；

HEALTH；　DISQUIETUDE；　on　another；　COBLER；　SICKNESS；　GOOD…HUMOR；　on

a　third；　POET；　CONTEMPT；　SELF…SATISFACTION；　on　a　fourth；　GENERAL；

HONOR；　DISCONTENT；　on　a　fifth；　COTTAGE；　HAPPY　LOVE；　on　a　sixth；

COACH　AND　SIX；　IMPOTENT　JEALOUS　HUSBAND；　on　a　seventh；　PRIME

MINISTER；　DISGRACE；　on　an　eighth；　PATRIOT；　GLORY；　on　a　ninth；

PHILOSOPHER；　POVERTY；　EASE；　on　a　tenth；　MERCHANT；　RICHES；　CARE。　

And　indeed　the　whole　seemed　to　contain　such　a　mixture　of　good　and

evil；　that　it　would　have　puzzled　me　which　to　choose。　　I　must　not

omit　here　that　in　every　lot　was　directed　whether　the　drawer

should　marry　or　remain　in　celibacy；　the　married　lots　being　all

marked　with　a　large　pair　of　horns。　　We　were　obliged；　before　we

quitted　this　place；　to　take　each　of　us　an　emetic　from　the

apothecary；　which　immediately　purged　us　of　all　our　earthly

passions；　and　presently　the　cloud　forsook　our　eyes；　as　it　doth

those　of　Aeneas　in　Virgil；　when　removed　by　Venus；　and　we

discerned　things　in　a　much　clearer　light　than　before。　　We　began

to　compassionate　those　spirits　who　were　making　their　entry　into

the　flesh；　whom　we　had　till　then　secretly　envied；　and　to　long

eagerly　for　those　delightful　plains　which　now　opened　themselves

to　our　eyes；　and　to　which　we　now　hastened　with　the　utmost

eagerness。　　On　our　way　we　met　with　several　spirits　with　very

dejected　countenances；　but　our　expedition　would　not　suffer　us　to

ask　any　questions。　　At　length　we　arrived　at　the　gate　of　Elysium。　

Here　was　a　prodigious　crowd　of　spirits　waiting　for　admittance；

some　of　whom　were　admitted；　and　some　were　rejected；　for　all　were

strictly　examined　by　the　porter；　whom　I　soon　discovered　to　be　the

celebrated　judge　Minos。





CHAPTER　VII



The　proceedings　of　judge　Minos　at　the　gate　of　Elysium。



I　now　got　near　enough　to　the　gate　to　hear　the　several　claims　of

those　who　endeavored　to　pass。　　The　first　among　other　pretensions；

set　forth　that　he　had　been　very　liberal　to　an　hospital；　but　Minos

answered；　〃Ostentation；〃　and　repulsed　him。　　The　second　exhibited

that　he　had　constantly　frequented　his　church；　been　a　rigid

observer　of　fast…days：　　he　likewise　represented　the　great

animosity　he　had　shown　to　vice　in　others；　which　never　escaped　his

severest　censure；　and　as　to　his　own　behavior；　he　had　never　been

once　guilty　of　whoring；　drinking；　gluttony；　or　any　other　excess。　

He　said　he　had　disinherited　his　son　for　getting　a　bastard。　　〃Have

you　so？〃　said　Minos；　〃then　pray　return　into　the　other　world　and

beget　another；　for　such　an　unnatural　rascal　shall　never　pass　this

gate。〃　　A　dozen　others；　who　had　advanced　with　very　confident

countenances；　seeing　him　rejected；　turned　about　of　their　own

accord；　declaring；　if　he　could　not　pass；　they　had　no　expectation；

and　accordingly　they　followed　him　back　to　earth；　which　was　the

fate　of　all　who　were　repulsed；　they　being　obliged　to　take　a

further　purification；　unless　those　who　were　guilty　of　some　very

heinous　crimes；　who　were　hustled　in　at　a　little　back　gate；　whence

they　tumbled　immediately　into　the　bottomless　pit。



The　next　spirit　that　came　up　declared　he　had　done　neither　good

nor　evil　in　the　world；　for　that　since　his　arrival　at　man's　estate

he　had　spent　his　whole　time　in　search　of　curiosities；　and

particularly　in　the　study　of　butterflies；　of　which　he　had

collected　an　immense　number。　　Minos　made　him　no　answer；　but　with

great　scorn　pushed　him　back。　　There　now　advanced　a　very　beautiful

spirit　indeed。　　She　began　to　ogle　Minos　the　moment　she　saw　him。　

She　said　she　hoped　there　was　some　merit　in　refusing　a　great

number　of　lovers；　and　dying　a　maid；　though　she　had　had　the　choice

of　a　hundred。　　Minos　told　her　she　had　not　refused　enow　yet；　and

turned　her　back。



She　was　succeeded　by　a　spirit　who　told　the　judge　he　believed　his

works　would　speak　for　him。　　〃What　works？〃　answered　Minos。　　〃My

dramatic　works；〃　replied　the　other；　〃which　have　done　so　much　good

in　recommending　virtue　and　punishing　vice。〃　　〃Very　well；〃　said

the　judge；　〃if　you　please　to　stand　by；　the　first　person　who

passes　the　gate　by　your　means　shall　carry　you　in　with　him；　but；

if　you　will　take　my　advice；　I　think；　for　expedition　sake；　you　had

better　return；　and　live　another　life　upon　earth。〃　　The　bard

grumbled　at　this；　and　replied　that；　besides　his　poetical　works；

he　had　done　some　other　good　things：　　for　that　he　had　once　lent

the　whole　profits　of　a　benefit…night　to　a　friend；　and　by　that

means　had　saved　him　and　his　family　from　destruction。　　Upon　this

the　gate　flew　open；　and　Minos　desired　him　to　walk　in；　telling

him；　if　he　had　mentioned　this　at　first；　he　might　have　spared　the

remembrance　of　his　plays。　　The　poet　answered；　he　believed；　if

Minos　had　read　his　works；　he　would　set　a　higher　value　on　them。　

He　was　then　beginning　to　repeat；　but　Minos　pushed　him　forward；

and；　turning　his　back　to　h