the filigree ball-第45部分

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both　evening　and　morning　papers　and　in　two　days　I　will　report
failure　or　success〃

The　major　eyed　me　with　an　interest　that　made　my　heart　thrill。
Then　he　quickly　said：　〃You　have　earned　the　privilege；　I　will　give
you　two　days。〃

At　this　moment　Durbin　reappeared。　　As　I　heard　his　knock　and　turned
to　open　the　door　for　him；　I　cast　the　major　an　entreating　if　not
eloquent　look。

He　smiled　and　waved　his　hand　with　friendly　assurance。　　The　state　of
feeling　between　Durbin　and　myself　was　evidently　well　known　to　him。

My　enemy　entered　with　a　jaunty　air；　which　changed　ever　so　slightly
when　he　saw　me　in　close　conference　with　the　superintendent。

He　had　the　book　in　his　pocket。　　Taking　it　out；　he　handed　it　to　the
major；　with　this　remark：

〃You　won't　find　anything　there；　the　gent's　been　fooling　you。〃

The　major　opened　the　book；　shook　it；　looked　under　the　cover；　found
nothing；　and　crossed　hastily　to　the　drawing…room。　　We　as　hastily
followed　him。　　The　district　attorney　was　talking　with　Miss　Tuttle；
Mr。　Jeffrey　was　nervously　pacing　the　floor。　　The　latter　stopped　as
we　all　entered　and　his　eyes　flashed　to　the　book。

〃Let　me　take　it；〃　said　he。

〃It　is　absolutely　empty；〃　remarked　the　major。　　〃The　letter　has
been　abstracted；　probably　without　your　knowledge。〃

〃I　do　not　think　so；〃　was　Mr。　Jeffrey's　unexpected　retort。　　〃Do　you
suppose　that　I　would　intrust　a　secret；　for　the　preservation　of
which　I　was　ready　to　risk　life　and　honor；　to　the　open　pages　of　a
book？　　When　I　found　myself　threatened　with　all　sorts　of　visits　from
the　police　and　realized　that　at　any　moment　my　effects　might　be
ransacked；　I　sought　a　hiding　place　for　this　letter；　which　no　man
without　superhuman　insight　could　discover。　　Look！〃

And；　pulling　off　the　outside　wrapper；　he　inserted　the　point　of
his　penknife　under　the　edge　of　the　paper　lining　the　inside　cover
and　ripped　it　off　with　a　jerk。

〃I　pasted　this　here　myself；〃　he　cried；　and　showed　us　where　between
this　paper　and　the　boards；　in　a　place　thinned　out　to　hold　it；　there
lay　a　number　of　folded　sheets；　which；　with　a　deep　sigh；　he　handed
over　to　the　major's　inspection。　　As　he　did　so　he　remarked：

〃I　had　rather　have　died　any　natural　death　than　have　had　my　miserable
wife's　secret　known。　　But　since　the　crime　has　come　to　light；　this
story　of　her　sin　and　her　repentance　may　serve　in　some　slight　degree
to　mitigate　public　opinion。　　She　was　sorely　tempted　and　she
succumbed；　the　crime　of　her　ancestors　was　in　her　blood〃

He　again　walked　off。　　The　major　unfolded　the　sheets。




XXV

〃WHO　WILL　TELL　THE　MAN　INSIDE　THERE


Later　I　saw　this　letter。　　It　was　like　no　other　that　has　ever　come
under　my　eye。　　Written　at　intervals；　as　her　hand　had　power　or　her
misery　found　words；　it　bore　on　its　face　all　the　evidences　of　that
restless；　suffering　spirit　which　for　thirty…six　hours　drove　her　in
frenzy　about　her　room；　and　caused　Loretta　to　say；　in　her　effort　to
describe　her　mistress'　face　as　it　appeared　to　her　at　the　end　of
this　awful　time：　〃It　was　as　if　a　blight　had　passed　over　it。　　Once
gay　and　animated　beyond　the　power　of　any　one　to　describe；　it　had
become　a　ghost's　face；　with　the　glare　of　some　awful　resolve　upon
it。〃　　I　give　this　letter　just　as　it　was　written…disjointed
paragraphs；　broken　sentences；　unfinished　words　and　all。　　The
breaks　show　where　she　laid　down　her　pen；　possibly　for　that　wild
pacing　of　the　floor　which　left　such　unmistakable　signs　behind　it。
It　opens　abruptly：

〃I　killed　him。　　I　am　all　that　I　said　I　was；　and　you　can　never　again
give　me　a　thought　save　in　the　way　of　cursing　and　to　bewail　the　day
I　came　into　your　life。　　But　you　can　not　hate　me　more　than　I　hate
myself；　my　wicked　self；　who；　seeing　an　obstacle　in　the　way　to
happiness；　stamped　it　out　of　existence；　and　so　forfeited　all　right
to　happiness　forever。

〃It　was　so　easy！　　Had　it　been　a　hard　thing　to　do；　had　it　been
necessary　to　lay　hand　on　knife　or　lift　a　pistol；　I　might　have
realized　the　act　and　paused。　　But　just　a　little　spring　which　a
child's　hand　could　manage　…　Who；　feeling　for　it；　could　help　pressing
it；　if　only　to　see　…

〃I　was　always　a　reckless　girl；　mad　for　pleasure　and　without　any
thought　of　consequences。　　When　school　bored　me；　I　took　all　my　books
out　of　my　desk；　called　upon　my　mates　to　do　the　same；　and；　stacking
them　up　into　a　sort　of　rostrum　in　a　field　where　we　played；　first
delivered　an　oration　from　them　in　which　reverence　for　my　teachers
had　small　part；　then　tore　them　into　pieces　and　burned　them　in　full
sight　of　my　admiring　school…fellows。　　I　was　dismissed；　but　not　with
disgrace。　　Teachers　and　scholars　bewailed　my　departure；　not　because
they　liked　me；　or　because　of　any　good　they　had　found　in　me；　but
because　my　money　had　thrown　luster　on　them　and　on　the　whole
establishment。

This　was　when　I　was　twelve；　and　it　was　on　account　of　this　reckless
escapade　that　I　was　sent　west　and　kept　so　long　from　home　and　all
my　flatterers。　　My　guardian　meant　well　by　this；　but　in　saving　me
from　one　pitfall　he　plunged　me　into　another。　　I　grew　up　without
Cora　and　also　without　any　idea　of　the　requirements　of　my　position
or　what　I　might　anticipate　from　the　world　when　the　time　came　for　me
to　enter　it。　　I　knew　that　I　had　money；　so　did　those　about　me；　but　I
had　little　or　no　idea　of　the　amount；　nor　what　that　money　would　do
for　me　when　I　returned　to　Washington。　　So；　in　an　evil　day；　and　when
I　was　just　eighteen；　I　fell　in　love；　or　thought　I　did；　with　a　man
　…　（Oh；　Francis；　imagine　it；　now　that　I　have　seen　you！）　…　of
sufficient　attraction　to　satisfy　one　whose　prospects　were　limited
to　a　contracted　existence　in　some　small　town；　but　no　more　fitted
to　content　me　after　seeing　Washington　life　than　if　he　had　been　a
common　farm　hand　or　the　most　ordinary　of　clerks　in　a　country　store。
But　I　was　young；　ignorant　and　self…willed；　and　thought　because　my
cheek　burned　under　his　look　that　he　was　the　man　of　men；　and　suited
to　be　my　husband。　　That　is；　if　I　thought　at　all；　which　is　not　likely；
for　I　was　in　a　feverish　whirl；　and　just　followed　the　impulse　of　the
moment；　which　was　to　be　with　him　whenever　I　could　without　attracting
the　teacher's　attention。　　And　this；　alas！　　was　only　too　often；　for
he　was　the　brother　of　one　of　our　storekeepers；　a　visitor　in　Owosso；
and　often　in　the　store　where　we　girls　went。　　Why　the　teachers　did
not　notice　how　often　we　needed　things　there；　I　do　not　know。　　But
they　did　not；　and　matters　went　on　and　…

〃I　can　not　write　of　those　days；　and　you　do　not　want　to　hear　about
them。　　They　seem　impossible　to　me　now；　and　almost　as　if　it　had　all
happened　to　some　one　else；　so　completely　have　I　forgotten　the　man
except　as　the　source　and　cause　of　an　immeasurable　horror。　　Yet　he
was　not　bad　himself；　only　ordinary　and　humdrum。　　Indeed；　I　believe
he　was　very　good　in　ways；　or　so　his　brother　once　assured　me。　　We
would　not　have　been　married　in　the　way　we　were　if　he　had　not　wanted
to　go　to　the　Klondike　for　the　purpose　of　making　money　and　making
it　quickly；　so　that　his　means　might　match　mine。

〃I　do　not　know　which　of　us　two　was　most　to　blame　for　that　marriage。
He　urged　it　because　he　was　going　so　far　away　and　wanted　to　be　sure
of　me。　　I　accepted　it　because　it　seemed　to　be　romantic　and　because
it　pleased　me　to　have　my　own　way　in　spite　of　my　hard　old　guardian
and　the　teachers；　who　were　always　prying　about；　and　the　girls；　who
went　silly　over　him　…　for　he　was　really　handsome　in　his　way　…　and
who　thought；　（at　least　many　of　them　did；）　that　he　cared　for　them
when　he　cared　only　for　me。

〃I　have　hated　black　eyes　for　a　year。　　He　had　black　eyes。

〃I　forgot　Cora；　or；　rather；　I　did　not　let　any　remembrance　of　her
hinder　me。　　She　was　a　very　shadowy　person　to　me　in　those　days。　　I
had　not　seen　her　since　we　were　both　children；　and　as　for　her
letters　…　they　were　almost　a　bore　to　me；　she　lived　such　a
different　life　from　mine　and　wrote　of　so　many　things　I　had　no
interest　in。　　On　my　knees　I　ask　her　pardon　now。　　I　never　understood
her。　　I　never　understood　myself。　　I　was　light　as　thistledown　and
blown　by　every　breeze。　　There　came　a　gust　one　day　which　blew　me
into　the　mouth　of　hell。　　I　am　hovering　there　yet　and　am　sinking；
Francis；　sinking　…　Save　me！　　I　love　you　…　I　…　I　…

〃It　was　all　planned　by　him　…　I　have　no　head　for　such　things。
Sadie　helped　him　…　Sadie　was　my　friend　…　but　Sadie　had　not　much　to
say　about　it；　for　he　seemed　to　know　just　how　to　arrange　it　all　so
that　no　one　at　the　seminary　should　know　or　even　suspect　what　had
occurred　till　we　got　ready　to　tell　them。　　He　did　not　even　take
his　brother　into　his　confidence；　for　Wallace　kept　store　and
gossiped　very　much　with　his　customers。　　Besides；　he　was　very　busy
just　then　selling　out；　for　he　was　going　to　the　Klondike　with
William；　and　he　had　too　much　on　his　mind　to　be　bothered；　or　so
William　said。　　All　this　I　must　tell　you　or　you　will　never
understand　the　temptation　which　assailed　me　when；　having　returned
to　Washington；　I　awoke　to　my　own　position　and　the　kind　of　men　whom
I　could　now　hope　to　meet。　　I　was　the　wife　…　oh；　the　folly　of　it
　…　but　this　was　known　to　so　few；　and　those　were　so　far　removed；
and　one　even　…　my　friend　Sadie　…　being　dead　…　　Why　not　ignore　the
miserable　secret　ceremony　and　cheat　myself　into　believing　myself
free；　and　enjoy　this　world　of　pleasure　and　fashion　as　Cora　was
enjoying　it　and　…　trust。　　Trust　what？　　Why　the　Klondike！　　That
swallower…up　of　men。　　Why　shouldn't　it　swallow　one　more　…　　Oh；　I
know　that　it　sounds　hateful。　　But　I　was　desperate；　I　had　seen　you。

〃I　had　one　letter　from　him　after　he　reached　Alaska；　but　that　was
before　I　left　Owosso。　　I　never　got　another。　　And　I　never　wrote　to
him。　　He　told　me　not　to　do　so　until　he　could　send　me　word　how　and
where　to　write；　but　when　these　directions　came　my　heart　had　changed
and　my　only　wish　was　to　forget　his　existence。　　And　I　did　forget　it
　…　almost。　　I　rode　and　danced　with　you　and　went　hither　and　yon；
lavishing　money　and　time　and　heart　on　the　frivolities　which　came　in
my　way；　calling　myself　Veronica　and　striving　by　these　means　to　crush
out　every　remembrance　of　the　days　when　I　was　known　as　Antoinette
and　Antoinette　only。　　For　the　Klondike　was　far　and　its　weather
bitter；　and　men　were　dying　there　every　day；　and　no　letters　came　（I
used　to　thank　God　for　this）；　and　I　need　no