letters of two brides-第17部分

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slave　he　painted　himself？　How　to　be　sure？　Or；　again；　has　it　ever
entered　his　head　that；　if　I　accept　him；　I　lay　myself　open　to　the
shadow　of　a　reproach　or　am　in　any　sense　rewarding　or　thanking　him？　I
am　harrowed　by　the　hair…splitting　casuistry　of　the　heroines　in　/Cyrus/
and　/Astraea/；　by　all　the　subtle　arguments　of　the　court　of　love。

Has　he　any　idea　that；　in　affairs　of　love；　a　woman's　most　trifling
actions　are　but　the　issue　of　long　brooding　and　inner　conflicts；　of
victories　won　only　to　be　lost！　What　are　his　thoughts　at　this　moment？
How　can　I　give　him　my　orders　to　write　every　evening　the　particulars　of
the　day　just　gone？　He　is　my　slave　whom　I　ought　to　keep　busy。　I　shall
deluge　him　with　work！

Sunday　Morning。

Only　towards　morning　did　I　sleep　a　little。　It　is　midday　now。　I　have
just　got　Griffith　to　write　the　following　letter：

　　〃/To　the　Baron　de　Macumer/。

　　〃Mademoiselle　de　Chaulieu　begs　me；　Monsieur　le　Baron；　to　ask　you
　　to　return　to　her　the　copy　of　a　letter　written　to　her　by　a　friend；
　　which　is　in　her　own　handwriting；　and　which　you　carried　away。
　　Believe　me；　etc。；
〃GRIFFITH。〃

My　dear；　Griffith　has　gone　out；　she　has　gone　to　the　Rue　Hillerin…
Bertin；　she　had　handed　in　this　little　love…letter　for　my　slave；　who
returned　to　me　in　an　envelope　my　sweet　portrait；　stained　with　tears。
He　has　obeyed。　Oh！　my　sweet；　it　must　have　been　dear　to　him！　Another
man　would　have　refused　to　send　it　in　a　letter　full　of　flattery；　but
the　Saracen　has　fulfilled　his　promises。　He　has　obeyed。　It　moves　me　to
tears。



XVII

THE　SAME　TO　THE　SAME
April　2nd。

Yesterday　the　weather　was　splendid。　I　dressed　myself　like　a　girl　who
wants　to　look　her　best　in　her　sweetheart's　eyes。　My　father；　yielding
to　my　entreaties；　has　given　me　the　prettiest　turnout　in　Paristwo
dapple…gray　horses　and　a　barouche；　which　is　a　masterpiece　of　elegance。
I　was　making　a　first　trial　of　this；　and　peeped　out　like　a　flower　from
under　my　sunshade　lined　with　white　silk。

As　I　drove　up　the　avenue　of　the　Champs…Elysees；　I　saw　my　Abencerrage
approaching　on　an　extraordinarily　beautiful　horse。　Almost　every　man
nowadays　is　a　finished　jockey；　and　they　all　stopped　to　admire　and
inspect　it。　He　bowed　to　me；　and　on　receiving　a　friendly　sign　of
encouragement；　slackened　his　horse's　pace　so　that　I　was　able　to　say　to
him：

〃You　are　not　vexed　with　me　for　asking　for　my　letter；　it　was　no　use　to
you。〃　Then　in　a　lower　voice；　〃You　have　already　transcended　the　ideal。
。　。　。　Your　horse　makes　you　an　object　of　general　interest；〃　I　went　on
aloud。

〃My　steward　in　Sardinia　sent　it　to　me。　He　is　very　proud　of　it；　for
this　horse；　which　is　of　Arab　blood；　was　born　in　my　stables。〃

This　morning；　my　dear；　Henarez　was　on　an　English　sorrel；　also　very
fine；　but　not　such　as　to　attract　attention。　My　light；　mocking　words
had　done　their　work。　He　bowed　to　me　and　I　replied　with　a　slight
inclination　of　the　head。

The　Duc　d'Angouleme　has　bought　Macumer's　horse。　My　slave　understood
that　he　was　deserting　the　role　of　simplicity　by　attracting　the　notice
of　the　crowd。　A　man　ought　to　be　remarked　for　what　he　is；　not　for　his
horse；　or　anything　else　belonging　to　him。　To　have　too　beautiful　a
horse　seems　to　me　a　piece　of　bad　taste；　just　as　much　as　wearing　a　huge
diamond　pin。　I　was　delighted　at　being　able　to　find　fault　with　him。
Perhaps　there　may　have　been　a　touch　of　vanity　in　what　he　did；　very
excusable　in　a　poor　exile；　and　I　like　to　see　this　childishness。

Oh！　my　dear　old　preacher；　do　my　love　affairs　amuse　you　as　much　as　your
dismal　philosophy　gives　me　the　creeps？　Dear　Philip　the　Second　in
petticoats；　are　you　comfortable　in　my　barouche？　Do　you　see　those
velvet　eyes；　humble；　yet　so　eloquent；　and　glorying　in　their　servitude；
which　flash　on　me　as　some　one　goes　by？　He　is　a　hero；　Renee；　and　he
wears　my　livery；　and　always　a　red　camellia　in　his　buttonhole；　while　I
have　always　a　white　one　in　my　hand。

How　clear　everything　becomes　in　the　light　of　love！　How　well　I　know　my
Paris　now！　It　is　all　transfused　with　meaning。　And　love　here　is
lovelier；　grander；　more　bewitching　than　elsewhere。

I　am　convinced　now　that　I　could　never　flirt　with　a　fool　or　make　any
impression　on　him。　It　is　only　men　of　real　distinction　who　can　enter
into　our　feelings　and　feel　our　influence。　Oh！　my　poor　friend；　forgive
me。　I　forgot　our　l'Estorade。　But　didn't　you　tell　me　you　were　going　to
make　a　genius　of　him？　I　know　what　that　means。　You　will　dry　nurse　him
till　some　day　he　is　able　to　understand　you。

Good…bye。　I　am　a　little　off　my　head；　and　must　stop。



XVIII

MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　LOUISE　DE　CHAULIEU
April。

My　angelor　ought　I　not　rather　to　say　my　imp　of　evil？you　have；
without　meaning　it；　grieved　me　sorely。　I　would　say　wounded　were　we　not
one　soul。　And　yet　it　is　possible　to　wound　oneself。

How　plain　it　is　that　you　have　never　realized　the　force　of　the　word
/indissoluble/　as　applied　to　the　contract　binding　man　and　woman！　I
have　no　wish　to　controvert　what　has　been　laid　down　by　philosophers　or
legislatorsthey　are　quite　capable　of　doing　this　for　themselvesbut；
dear　one；　in　making　marriage　irrevocable　and　imposing　on　it　a
relentless　formula；　which　admits　of　no　exceptions；　they　have　rendered
each　union　a　thing　as　distinct　as　one　individual　is　from　another。　Each
has　its　own　inner　laws　which　differ　from　those　of　others。　The　laws
regulating　married　life　in　the　country；　for　instance；　cannot　be　the
same　as　those　regulating　a　household　in　town；　where　frequent
distractions　give　variety　to　life。　Or　conversely；　married　life　in
Paris；　where　existence　is　one　perpetual　whirl；　must　demand　different
treatment　from　the　more　peaceful　home　in　the　provinces。

But　if　place　alters　the　conditions　of　marriage；　much　more　does
character。　The　wife　of　a　man　born　to　be　a　leader　need　only　resign
herself　to　his　guidance；　whereas　the　wife　of　a　fool；　conscious　of
superior　power；　is　bound　to　take　the　reins　in　her　own　hand　if　she
would　avert　calamity。

You　speak　of　vice；　and　it　is　possible　that；　after　all；　reason　and
reflection　produce　a　result　not　dissimilar　from　what　we　call　by　that
name。　For　what　does　a　woman　mean　by　it　but　perversion　of　feeling
through　calculation？　Passion　is　vicious　when　it　reasons；　admirable
only　when　it　springs　from　the　heart　and　spends　itself　in　sublime
impulses　that　set　at　naught　all　selfish　considerations。　Sooner　or
later；　dear　one；　you　too　will　say；　〃Yes！　dissimulation　is　the
necessary　armor　of　a　woman；　if　by　dissimulation　be　meant　courage　to
bear　in　silence；　prudence　to　foresee　the　future。〃

Every　married　woman　learns　to　her　cost　the　existence　of　certain　social
laws；　which；　in　many　respects；　conflict　with　the　laws　of　nature。
Marrying　at　our　age；　it　would　be　possible　to　have　a　dozen　children。
What　is　this　but　another　name　for　a　dozen　crimes；　a　dozen　misfortunes？
It　would　be　handing　over　to　poverty　and　despair　twelve　innocent
darlings；　whereas　two　children　would　mean　the　happiness　of　both；　a
double　blessing；　two　lives　capable　of　developing　in　harmony　with　the
customs　and　laws　of　our　time。　The　natural　law　and　the　code　are　in
hostility；　and　we　are　the　battle　ground。　Would　you　give　the　name　of
vice　to　the　prudence　of　the　wife　who　guards　her　family　from
destruction　through　its　own　acts？　One　calculation　or　a　thousand；　what
matter；　if　the　decision　no　longer　rests　with　the　heart？

And　of　this　terrible　calculation　you　will　be　guilty　some　day；　my　noble
Baronne　de　Macumer；　when　you　are　the　proud　and　happy　wife　of　the　man
who　adores　you；　or　rather；　being　a　man　of　sense；　he　will　spare　you　by
making　it　himself。　（You　see；　dear　dreamer；　that　I　have　studied　the
code　in　its　bearings　on　conjugal　relations。）　And　when　at　last　that　day
comes；　you　will　understand　that　we　are　answerable　only　to　God　and　to
ourselves　for　the　means　we　employ　to　keep　happiness　alight　in　the
heart　of　our　homes。　Far　better　is　the　calculation　which　succeeds　in
this　than　the　reckless　passion　which　introduces　trouble；　heart…
burnings；　and　dissension。

I　have　reflected　painfully　on　the　duties　of　a　wife　and　mother　of　a
family。　Yes；　sweet　one；　it　is　only　by　a　sublime　hypocrisy　that　we　can
attain　the　noblest　ideal　of　a　perfect　woman。　You　tax　me　with
insincerity　because　I　dole　out　to　Louis；　from　day　to　day；　the　measure
of　his　intimacy　with　me；　but　is　it　not　too　close　an　intimacy　which
provokes　rupture？　My　aim　is　to　give　him；　in　the　very　interest　of　his
happiness；　many　occupations；　which　will　all　serve　as　distractions　to
his　love；　and　this　is　not　the　reasoning　of　passion。　If　affection　be
inexhaustible；　it　is　not　so　with　love：　the　task；　therefore；　of　a　woman
truly　no　light　oneis　to　spread　it　out　thriftily　over　a　lifetime。

At　the　risk　of　exciting　your　disgust；　I　must　tell　you　that　I　persist
in　the　principles　I　have　adopted；　and　hold　myself　both　heroic　and
generous　in　so　doing。　Virtue；　my　pet；　is　an　abstract　idea；　varying　in
its　manifestations　with　the　surroundings。　Virtue　in　Provence；　in
Constantinople；　in　London；　and　in　Paris　bears　very　different　fruit；
but　is　none　the　less　virtue。　Each　human　life　is　a　substance　compacted
of　widely　dissimilar　elements；　though；　viewed　from　a　certain　height；
the　general　effect　is　the　same。

If　I　wished　to　make　Louis　unhappy　and　to　bring　about　a　separation；　all
I　need　do　is　to　leave　the　helm　in　his　hands。　I　have　not　had　your　good
fortune　in　meeting　with　a　man　of　the　highest　distinction；　but　I　may
perhaps　have　the　satisfaction　of　helping　him　on　the　road　to　it。　Five
years　hence　let　us　meet　in　Paris　and　see！　I　believe　we　shall　succeed
in　mystifying　you。　You　will　tell　me　then　that　I　was　quite　mistaken；
and　that　M。　de　l'Estorade　is　a　man　of　great　natural　gifts。

As　for　this　brave　love；　of　which　I　know　only　what　you　tell　me；　these
tremors　and　night　watches　by　starlight　on　the　balcony；　this　idolatrous
worship；　this　deification　of　womanI　knew　it　was　not　for　me。　You　can
enlarge　the　borders　of　your　brilliant　life　as　you　please；　mine　is
hemmed　in　to　the　boundaries　of　La　Crampade。

And　you　reproach　me　for　the　jealous　care　which　alone　can　nurse　this
modest　and　fragile　shoot　into　a　wealth　of　lasting　and　mysterious
happiness！　I　believed　myself　to　have　found　out　how　to　adapt　the　charm
of　a　mistress　to　the　position　of　a　wife；　and　you　have　almost　made　me
blush