letters of two brides-第37部分

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innocent　enough　to　believeincredible　as　it　seemsthat　genius　was
the　shortest　road　to　fortune；　and　from　1828　to　1833　his　one　aim　has
been　to　make　a　name　for　himself　in　letters。　Naturally　his　life　was　a
frightful　tissue　of　toil　and　hardships；　alternating　between　hope　and
despair。　The　good　advice　of　d'Arthez　could　not　prevail　against　the
allurements　of　ambition；　and　his　debts　went　on　growing　like　a
snowball。　Still　he　was　beginning　to　come　into　notice　when　I　happened
to　meet　him　at　Mme。　d'Espard's。　At　first　sight　he　inspired　me；
unconsciously　to　himself；　with　the　most　vivid　sympathy。　How　did　it
come　about　that　this　virgin　heart　has　been　left　for　me？　The　fact　is
that　my　poet　combines　genius　and　cleverness；　passion　and　pride；　and
women　are　always　afraid　of　greatness　which　has　no　weak　side　to　it。　How
many　victories　were　needed　before　Josephine　could　see　the　great
Napoleon　in　the　little　Bonaparte　whom　she　had　married。

Poor　Gaston　is　innocent　enough　to　think　he　knows　the　measure　of　my
love！　He　simply　has　not　an　idea　of　it；　but　to　you　I　must　make　it
clear；　for　this　letter；　Renee；　is　something　in　the　nature　of　a　last
will　and　testament。　Weigh　well　what　I　am　going　to　say；　I　beg　of　you。

At　this　moment　I　am　confident　of　being　loved　as　perhaps　not　another
women　on　this　earth；　nor　have　I　a　shadow　of　doubt　as　to　the　perfect
happiness　of　our　wedded　life；　to　which　I　bring　a　feeling　hitherto
unknown　to　me。　Yes；　for　the　first　time　in　my　life；　I　know　the　delight
of　being　swayed　by　passion。　That　which　every　woman　seeks　in　love　will
be　mine　in　marriage。　As　poor　Felipe　once　adored　me；　so　do　I　now　adore
Gaston。　I　have　lost　control　of　myself；　I　tremble　before　this　boy　as
the　Arab　hero　used　to　tremble　before　me。　In　a　word；　the　balance　of
love　is　now　on　my　side；　and　this　makes　me　timid。　I　am　full　of　the　most
absurd　terrors。　I　am　afraid　of　being　deserted；　afraid　of　becoming　old
and　ugly　while　Gaston　still　retains　his　youth　and　beauty；　afraid　of
coming　short　of　his　hopes！

And　yet　I　believe　I　have　it　in　me；　I　believe　I　have　sufficient
devotion　and　ability；　not　only　to　keep　alive　the　flame　of　his　love　in
our　solitary　life；　far　from　the　world；　but　even　to　make　it　burn
stronger　and　brighter。　If　I　am　mistaken；　if　this　splendid　idyl　of　love
in　hiding　must　come　to　an　endan　end！　what　am　I　saying？if　I　find
Gaston's　love　less　intense　any　day　than　it　was　the　evening　before；　be
sure　of　this；　Renee；　I　should　visit　my　failure　only　on　myself；　no
blame　should　attach　to　him。　I　tell　you　now　it　would　mean　my　death。　Not
even　if　I　had　children　could　I　live　on　these　terms；　for　I　know　myself；
Renee；　I　know　that　my　nature　is　the　lover's　rather　than　the　mother's。
Therefore　before　taking　this　vow　upon　my　soul；　I　implore　you；　my
Renee；　if　this　disaster　befall　me；　to　take　the　place　of　mother　to　my
children；　let　them　be　my　legacy　to　you！　All　that　I　know　of　you；　your
blind　attachment　to　duty；　your　rare　gifts；　your　love　of　children；　your
affection　for　me；　would　help　to　make　my　deathI　dare　not　say　easy
but　at　least　less　bitter。

The　compact　I　have　thus　made　with　myself　adds　a　vague　terror　to　the
solemnity　of　my　marriage　ceremony。　For　this　reason　I　wish　to　have　no
one　whom　I　know　present；　and　it　will　be　performed　in　secret。　Let　my
heart　fail　me　if　it　will；　at　least　I　shall　not　read　anxiety　in　your
dear　eyes；　and　I　alone　shall　know　that　this　new　marriage…contract
which　I　sign　may　be　my　death　warrant。

I　shall　not　refer　again　to　this　agreement　entered　into　between　my
present　self　and　the　self　I　am　to　be。　I　have　confided　it　to　you　in
order　that　you　might　know　the　full　extent　of　your　responsibilities。　In
marrying　I　retain　full　control　of　my　property；　and　Gaston；　while　aware
that　I　have　enough　to　secure　a　comfortable　life　for　both　of　us；　is
ignorant　of　its　amount。　Within　twenty…four　hours　I　shall　dispose　of　it
as　I　please；　and　in　order　to　save　him　from　a　humiliating　position；　I
shall　have　stock；　bringing　in　twelve　thousand　francs　a　year；　assigned
to　him。　He　will　find　this　in　his　desk　on　the　eve　of　our　wedding。　If　he
declined　to　accept；　I　should　break　off　the　whole　thing。　I　had　to
threaten　a　rupture　to　get　his　permission　to　pay　his　debts。

This　long　confession　has　tired　me。　I　shall　finish　it　the　day　after
to…morrow；　I　have　to　spend　to…morrow　in　the　country。

October　20th。

I　will　tell　you　now　the　steps　I　have　taken　to　insure　secrecy。　My
object　has　been　to　ward　off　every　possible　incitement　to　my　ever…
wakeful　jealousy；　in　imitation　of　the　Italian　princess；　who；　like　a
lioness　rushing　on　her　prey；　carried　it　off　to　some　Swiss　town　to
devour　in　peace。　And　I　confide　my　plans　to　you　because　I　have　another
favor　to　beg；　namely；　that　you　will　respect　our　solitude　and　never
come　to　see　us　uninvited。

Two　years　ago　I　purchased　a　small　property　overlooking　the　ponds　of
Ville　d'Avray；　on　the　road　to　Versailles。　It　consists　of　twenty　acres
of　meadow　land；　the　skirts　of　a　wood；　and　a　fine　fruit　garden。　Below
the　meadows　the　land　has　been　excavated　so　as　to　make　a　lakelet　of
about　three　acres　in　extent；　with　a　charming　little　island　in　the
middle。　The　small　valley　is　shut　in　by　two　graceful；　thickly…wooded
slopes；　where　rise　delicious　springs　that　water　my　park　by　means　of
channels　cleverly　disposed　by　my　architect。　Finally；　they　fall　into
the　royal　ponds；　glimpses　of　which　can　be　seen　here　and　there；
gleaming　in　the　distance。　My　little　park　has　been　admirably　laid　out
by　the　architect；　who　has　surrounded　it　by　hedges；　walls；　or　ha…has；
according　to　the　lie　of　the　land；　so　that　no　possible　point　of　view
may　be　lost。

A　chalet　has　been　built　for　me　half…way　up　the　hillside；　with　a
charming　exposure；　having　the　woods　of　the　Ronce　on　either　side；　and
in　front　a　grassy　slope　running　down　to　the　lake。　Externally　the
chalet　is　an　exact　copy　of　those　which　are　so　much　admired　by
travelers　on　the　road　from　Sion　to　Brieg；　and　which　fascinated　me　when
I　was　returning　from　Italy。　The　internal　decorations　will　bear
comparison　with　those　of　the　most　celebrated　buildings　of　the　kind。

A　hundred　paces　from　this　rustic　dwelling　stands　a　charming　and
ornamental　house；　communicating　with　it　by　a　subterranean　passage。
This　contains　the　kitchen；　and　other　servants'　rooms；　stables；　and
coach…houses。　Of　all　this　series　of　brick　buildings；　the　facade　alone
is　seen；　graceful　in　its　simplicity；　against　a　background　of
shrubbery。　Another　building　serves　to　lodge　the　gardeners　and　masks
the　entrance　to　the　orchards　and　kitchen…gardens。

The　entrance　gate　to　the　property　is　so　hidden　in　the　wall　dividing
the　park　from　the　wood　as　almost　to　defy　detection。　The　plantations；
already　well　grown；　will；　in　two　or　three　years；　completely　hide　the
buildings；　so　that；　except　in　winter；　when　the　trees　are　bare；　no
trace　of　habitation　will　appear　to　the　outside　world；　save　only　the
smoke　visible　from　the　neighboring　hills。

The　surroundings　of　my　chalet　have　been　modeled　on　what　is　called　the
King's　Garden　at　Versailles；　but　it　has　an　outlook　on　my　lakelet　and
island。　The　hills　on　every　side　display　their　abundant　foliagethose
splendid　trees　for　which　your　new　civil　list　has　so　well　cared。　My
gardeners　have　orders　to　cultivate　new　sweet…scented　flowers　to　any
extent；　and　no　others；　so　that　our　home　will　be　a　fragrant　emerald。
The　chalet；　adorned　with　a　wild　vine　which　covers　the　roof；　is
literally　embedded　in　climbing　plants　of　all　kindshops；　clematis；
jasmine；　azalea；　copaea。　It　will　be　a　sharp　eye　which　can　descry　our
windows！

The　chalet；　my　dear；　is　a　good；　solid　house；　with　its　heating　system
and　all　the　conveniences　of　modern　architecture；　which　can　raise　a
palace　in　the　compass　of　a　hundred　square　feet。　It　contains　a　suite　of
rooms　for　Gaston　and　another　for　me。　The　ground…floor　is　occupied　by
an　ante…room；　a　parlor；　and　a　dining　room。　Above　our　floor　again　are
three　rooms　destined　for　the　nurseries。　I　have　five　first…rate　horses；
a　small　light　coupe；　and　a　two…horse　cabriolet。　We　are　only　forty…
minutes'　drive　from　Paris；　so　that；　when　the　spirit　moves　us　to　hear
an　opera　or　see　a　new　play；　we　can　start　after　dinner　and　return　the
same　night　to　our　bower。　The　road　is　a　good　one；　and　passes　under　the
shade　of　our　green　dividing　wall。

My　servantscook；　coachman；　groom；　and　gardeners；　in　addition　to　my
maidare　all　very　respectable　people；　whom　I　have　spent　the　last　six
months　in　picking　up；　and　they　will　be　superintended　by　my　old
Philippe。　Although　confident　of　their　loyalty　and　good　faith；　I　have
not　neglected　to　cultivate　self…interest；　their　wages　are　small；　but
will　receive　an　annual　addition　in　the　shape　of　a　New　Year's　Day
present。　They　are　all　aware　that　the　slightest　fault；　or　a　mere
suspicion　of　gossiping；　might　lose　them　a　capital　place。　Lovers　are
never　troublesome　to　their　servants；　they　are　indulgent　by
disposition；　and　therefore　I　feel　that　I　can　reckon　on　my　household。

All　that　is　choice；　pretty；　or　decorative　in　my　house　in　the　Rue　du
Bac　has　been　transported　to　the　chalet。　The　Rembrandt　hangs　on　the
staircase；　as　though　it　were　a　mere　daub；　the　Hobbema　faces　the　Rubens
in　/his/　study；　the　Titian；　which　my　sister…in…law　Mary　sent　me　from
Madrid；　adorns　the　boudoir。　The　beautiful　furniture　picked　up　by
Felipe　looks　very　well　in　the　parlor；　which　the　architect　has
decorated　most　tastefully。　Everything　at　the　chalet　is　charmingly
simple；　with　the　simplicity　which　can't　be　got　under　a　hundred
thousand　francs。　Our　ground…floor　rests　on　cellars；　which　are　built　of
millstone　and　embedded　in　concrete；　it　is　almost　completely　buried　in
flowers　and　shrubs；　and　is　deliciously　cool　without　a　vestige　of　damp。
To　complete　the　picture；　a　fleet　of　white　swans　sail　over　my　lake！

Oh！　Renee；　the　silence　which　reigns　in　this　valley　would　bring　joy　to
the　dead！　One　is　awakened　by　the　birds　singing　or　the　breeze　rustling
in　the　poplars。　A　little　spring；　discovered　by　the　architect　in
digging　the　foundations　of　the　wall；　trickles　down　the　hillside　over
silvery　sand　to　the　lake；　between　two　banks　of　water…cress；　hugging
the　edge　of　the　woods。　I　know　nothing　that　money　can　buy　to　equal　it。

May　not　Gaston　come　to　loathe　this　too　perfect　bliss？　I　shudder　to
think　how　complete　it　is；　for　the