letters of two brides-第39部分

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misery　you　are　laying　up　for　yourself！

But　I　see　from　the　way　you　have　set　about　it　that　there　is　no　going
back。　The　man　who　has　overcome　your　aversion　to　a　second　marriage　must
indeed　possess　some　magic　of　mind　and　heart；　and　you　can　only　be　left
to　your　illusions。　But　have　you　forgotten　your　former　criticism　on
young　men？　Not　one；　you　would　say；　but　has　visited　haunts　of　shame；
and　has　besmirched　his　purity　with　the　filth　of　the　streets。　Where　is
the　change；　prayin　them　or　in　you？

You　are　a　lucky　woman　to　be　able　to　believe　in　happiness。　I　have　not
the　courage　to　blame　you　for　it；　though　the　instinct　of　affection
urges　me　to　dissuade　you　from　this　marriage。　Yes；　a　thousand　times；
yes；　it　is　true　that　nature　and　society　are　at　one　in　making　war　on
absolute　happiness；　because　such　a　condition　is　opposed　to　the　laws　of
both；　possibly；　also；　because　Heaven　is　jealous　of　its　privileges。　My
love　for　you　forebodes　some　disaster　to　which　all　my　penetration　can
give　no　definite　form。　I　know　neither　whence　nor　from　whom　it　will
arise；　but　one　need　be　no　prophet　to　foretell　that　the　mere　weight　of
a　boundless　happiness　will　overpower　you。　Excess　of　joy　is　harder　to
bear　than　any　amount　of　sorrow。

Against　him　I　have　not　a　word　to　say。　You　love　him；　and　in　all
probability　I　have　never　seen　him；　but　some　idle　day　I　hope　you　will
send　me　a　sketch；　however　slight；　of　this　rare；　fine　animal。

If　you　see　me　so　resigned　and　cheerful；　it　is　because　I　am　convinced
that；　once　the　honeymoon　is　over　you　will　both　with　one　accord；　fall
back　into　the　common　track。　Some　day；　two　years　hence；　when　we　are
walking　along　this　famous　road；　you　will　exclaim；　〃Why；　there　is　the
chalet　which　was　to　be　my　home　for　ever！〃　And　you　will　laugh　your　dear
old　laugh；　which　shows　all　your　pretty　teeth！

I　have　said　nothing　yet　to　Louis；　it　would　be　too　good　an　opening　for
his　ridicule。　I　shall　tell　him　simply　that　you　are　going　to　be
married；　and　that　you　wish　it　kept　secret。　Unluckily；　you　need　neither
mother　nor　sister　for　your　bridal　evening。　We　are　in　October　now；　like
a　brave　woman；　you　are　grappling　with　winter　first。　If　it　were　not　a
question　of　marriage；　I　should　say　you　were　taking　the　bull　by　the
horns。　In　any　case；　you　will　have　in　me　the　most　discreet　and
intelligent　of　friends。　That　mysterious　region；　known　as　the　centre　of
Africa；　has　swallowed　up　many　travelers；　and　you　seem　to　me　to　be
launching　on　an　expedition　which；　in　the　domain　of　sentiment；
corresponds　to　those　where　so　many　explorers　have　perished；　whether　in
the　sands　or　at　the　hands　of　natives。　Your　desert　is；　happily；　only
two　leagues　from　Paris；　so　I　can　wish　you　quite　cheerfully；　〃A　safe
journey　and　speedy　return。〃



LI

THE　COMTESSE　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　MME。　MARIE　GASTON
1835。

What　has　come　to　you；　my　dear？　After　a　silence　of　two　years；　surely
Renee　has　a　right　to　feel　anxious　about　Louise。　So　this　is　love！　It
brushes　aside　and　scatters　to　the　winds　a　friendship　such　as　ours！　You
must　admit　that；　devoted　as　I　am　to　my　childrenmore　even　perhaps
than　you　to　your　Gastona　mother's　love　has　something　expansive　about
it　which　does　not　allow　it　to　steal　from　other　affections；　or
interfere　with　the　claims　of　friendship。　I　miss　your　letters；　I　long
for　a　sight　of　your　dear；　sweet　face。　Oh！　Louise；　my　heart　has　only
conjecture　to　feed　upon！

As　regards　ourselves；　I　will　try　and　tell　you　everything　as　briefly　as
possible。

On　reading　your　last　letter　but　one；　I　find　some　stinging　comments　on
our　political　situation。　You　mocked　at　us　for　keeping　the　post　in　the
Audit　Department；　which；　as　well　as　the　title　of　Count；　Louis　owed　to
the　favor　of　Charles　X。　But　I　should　like　to　know；　please；　how　it
would　be　possible　out　of　an　income　of　forty　thousand　livres；　thirty
thousand　of　which　go　with　the　entail；　to　give　a　suitable　start　in　life
to　Athenais　and　my　poor　little　beggar　Rene。　Was　it　not　a　duty　to　live
on　our　salary　and　prudently　allow　the　income　of　the　estate　to
accumulate？　In　this　way　we　shall；　in　twenty　years；　have　put　together
about　six　hundred　thousand　francs；　which　will　provide　portions　for　my
daughter　and　for　Rene；　whom　I　destine　for　the　navy。　The　poor　little
chap　will　have　an　income　of　ten　thousand　livres；　and　perhaps　we　may
contrive　to　leave　him　in　cash　enough　to　bring　his　portion　up　to　the
amount　of　his　sister's。

When　he　is　Captain；　my　beggar　will　be　able　to　make　a　wealthy　marriage；
and　take　a　position　in　society　as　good　as　his　elder　brother's。

These　considerations　of　prudence　determined　the　acceptance　in　our
family　of　the　new　order　of　things。　The　new　dynasty；　as　was　natural；
raised　Louis　to　the　Peerage　and　made　him　a　grand　officer　of　the　Legion
of　Honor。　The　oath　once　taken；　l'Estorade　could　not　be　half…hearted　in
his　services；　and　he　has　since　then　made　himself　very　useful　in　the
Chamber。　The　position　he　has　now　attained　is　one　in　which　he　can　rest
upon　his　oars　till　the　end　of　his　days。　He　has　a　good　deal　of
adroitness　in　business　matters；　and　though　he　can　hardly　be　called　an
orator；　speaks　pleasantly　and　fluently；　which　is　all　that　is　necessary
in　politics。　His　shrewdness　and　the　extent　of　his　information　in　all
matters　of　government　and　administration　are　fully　appreciated；　and
all　parties　consider　him　indispensable。　I　may　tell　you　that　he　was
recently　offered　an　embassy；　but　I　would　not　let　him　accept　it。　I　am
tied　to　Paris　by　the　education　of　Armand　and　Athenaiswho　are　now
respectively　thirteen　and　nearly　elevenand　I　don't　intend　leaving
till　little　Rene　has　completed　his；　which　is　just　beginning。

We　could　not　have　remained　faithful　to　the　elder　branch　of　the　dynasty
and　returned　to　our　country　life　without　allowing　the　education　and
prospects　of　the　three　children　to　suffer。　A　mother；　my　sweet；　is
hardly　called　on　to　be　a　Decius；　especially　at　a　time　when　the　type　is
rare。　In　fifteen　years　from　now；　l'Estorade　will　be　able　to　retire　to
La　Crampade　on　a　good　pension；　having　found　a　place　as　referendary　for
Armand　in　the　Audit　Department。

As　for　Rene；　the　navy　will　doubtless　make　a　diplomatist　of　him。　The
little　rogue；　at　seven　years　old；　has　all　the　cunning　of　an　old
Cardinal。

Oh！　Louise；　I　am　indeed　a　happy　mother。　My　children　are　an　endless
source　of　joy　to　me。

　　Senza　brama　sicura　ricchezza。

Armand　is　a　day　scholar　at　Henry　IV。's　school。　I　made　up　my　mind　he
should　have　a　public…school　training；　yet　could　not　reconcile　myself
to　the　thought　of　parting　with　him；　so　I　compromised；　as　the　Duc
d'Orleans　did　before　he　becameor　in　order　that　he　might　become
Louis　Philippe。　Every　morning　Lucas；　the　old　servant　whom　you　will
remember；　takes　Armand　to　school　in　time　for　the　first　lesson；　and
brings　him　home　again　at　half…past　four。　In　the　house　we　have　a
private　tutor；　an　admirable　scholar；　who　helps　Armand　with　his　work　in
the　evenings；　and　calls　him　in　the　morning　at　the　school　hour。　Lucas
takes　him　some　lunch　during　the　play　hour　at　midday。　In　this　way　I　am
with　my　boy　at　dinner　and　until　he　goes　to　bed　at　night；　and　I　see　him
off　in　the　morning。

Armand　is　the　same　charming　little　fellow；　full　of　feeling　and
unselfish　impulse；　whom　you　loved；　and　his　tutor　is　quite　pleased　with
him。　I　still　have　Nais　and　the　babytwo　restless　little　mortalsbut
I　am　quite　as　much　a　child　as　they　are。　I　could　not　bring　myself　to
lose　the　darlings'　sweet　caresses。　I　could　not　live　without　the
feeling　that　at　any　moment　I　can　fly　to　Armand's　bedside　and　watch　his
slumbers　or　snatch　a　kiss。

Yet　home　education　is　not　without　its　drawbacks；　to　which　I　am　fully
alive。　Society；　like　nature；　is　a　jealous　power；　and　will　have　not　her
rights　encroached　on；　or　her　system　set　at　naught。　Thus；　children　who
are　brought　up　at　home　are　exposed　too　early　to　the　fire　of　the　world；
they　see　its　passions　and　become　at　home　with　its　subterfuges。　The
finer　distinctions；　which　regulate　the　conduct　of　matured　men　and
women；　elude　their　perceptions；　and　they　take　feeling　and　passion　for
their　guide　instead　of　subordinating　those　to　the　code　of　society；
whilst　the　gay　trappings　and　tinsel　which　attract　so　much　of　the
world's　favor　blind　them　to　the　importance　of　the　more　sober　virtues。
A　child　of　fifteen　with　the　assurance　of　a　man　of　the　world　is　a　thing
against　all　nature；　at　twenty…five　he　will　be　prematurely　old；　and　his
precocious　knowledge　only　unfits　him　for　the　genuine　study　on　which
all　solid　ability　must　rest。　Life　in　society　is　one　long　comedy；　and
those　who　take　part　in　it；　like　other　actors；　reflect　back　impressions
which　never　penetrate　below　the　surface。　A　mother；　therefore；　who
wishes　not　to　part　from　her　children；　must　resolutely　determine　that
they　shall　not　enter　the　gay　world；　she　must　have　courage　to　resist
their　inclinations；　as　well　as　her　own；　and　keep　them　in　the
background。　Cornelia　had　to　keep　her　jewels　under　lock　and　key。　Shall
I　do　less　for　the　children　who　are　all　the　world　to　me？

Now　that　I　am　thirty；　the　heat　of　the　day　is　over；　the　hardest　bit　of
the　road　lies　behind　me。　In　a　few　years　I　shall　be　an　old　woman；　and
the　sense　of　duty　done　is　an　immense　encouragement。　It　would　almost
seem　as　though　my　trio　can　read　my　thoughts　and　shape　themselves
accordingly。　A　mysterious　bond　of　sympathy　unites　me　to　these　children
who　have　never　left　my　side。　If　they　knew　the　blank　in　my　life　which
they　have　to　fill；　they　could　not　be　more　lavish　of　the　solace　they
bring。

Armand；　who　was　dull　and　dreamy　during　his　first　three　years　at
school；　and　caused　me　some　uneasiness；　has　made　a　sudden　start。
Doubtless　he　realized；　in　a　way　most　children　never　do；　the　aim　of　all
this　preparatory　work；　which　is　to　sharpen　the　intelligence；　to　get
them　into　habits　of　application　and　accustom　them　to　that　fundamental
principle　of　all　societyobedience。　My　dear；　a　few　days　ago　I　had　the
proud　joy　of　seeing　Armand　crowned　at　the　great　interscholastic
competition　in　the　crowded　Sorbonne；　when　your　godson　received　the
first　prize　for　translation。　At　the　school　distribution　he　got　two
first　prizesone　for　verse；　and　one　for　an　essay。　I　went　quite　white
when　his　name　was　called　out；　and　longed　to　shout　aloud；　〃I　am　his
mother！〃　Little　Nais　squeezed　my　hand　till　it