rj.acrownofswords-第124部分

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；　too；　and　Nynaeve；　and　even　Elayne；　all　with　Aes　Sedai　faces；　because　he　was　too　dangerous　to　let　run　free。　He　watched　the　Asha'man　destroyed　by　women　who　had　years　of　studying　the　One　Power　behind　them；　not　just　a　few　months　of　harsh　tutoring；　and　from　those　dreams；　he　could　never　wake　until　every　man　in　a　black　coat　was　dead；　and　he　stood　alone　to　face　the　might　of　the　Aes　Sedai。　Alone。
　　　Again　and　again　Cadsuane　spoke　those　words　about　madmen　hearing　voices；　till　he　flinched　at　them　as　at　blows　of　a　whip；　flinched　in　his　sleep　when　she　appeared。　In　dreams　and　waking；　he　called　to　Lews　Therin；　shouted　at　him；　screamed　for　him；　and　only　silence　answered。　Alone。　That　small　bundle　of　sensations　and　emotions　in　the　back　of　his　head；　the　sense　of　Alanna's　almost　touch；　slowly　became　a　fort。　In　many　ways；　that　frightened　him　most　of　all。
　　　On　the　fourth　morning；　he　woke　groggily　from　a　dream　of　the　White　Tower；　flinging　up　a　hand　to　shield　grainy　eyes　from　what　he　thought　was　a　flare　of　saidar…wrought　fire。　Dust　motes　sparkled　in　the　sunlight　streaming　through　the　window　to　reach　his　bed；　with　its　great　square　black…wood　bedposts　inlaid　with　ivory　wedges。　Every　piece　of　furnishing　in　the　room　was　polished　blackwood　and　ivory；　square　and　stark　and　heavy　enough　to　suit　his　mood。　For　a　moment　he　lay　there；　but　if　sleep　returned；　it　would　only　bring　another　dream。
　　　Are　you　there；　Lews　Therin？　he　thought　without　any　hope　of　answer；　and　wearily　pushed　himself　to　his　feet；　tugging　his　wrinkled　coat　straight。　He　had　not　changed　his　clothes　since　first　shutting　himself　away。
　　　When　he　staggered　into　the　anteroom；　at　first　he　thought　he　was　dreaming　again；　the　dream　that　always　woke　him　straight　off　in　shame　and　guilt　and　loathing；　but　Min　looked　up　at　him　from　one　of　the　tall　gilded　chairs；　a　leather…bound　book　on　her　knees；　and　he　did　not　wake。　Dark　ringlets　framed　her　face；　big　dark　eyes　so　intent　he　almost　felt　her　touch。　Her　breeches　of　brocaded　green　silk　fit　her　like　a　second　skin；　and　her　coat　of　matching　silk　hung　open；　a　cream…colored　blouse　rising　and　falling　with　her　breath。　He　prayed　to　wake。　It　had　not　been　fear；　or　anger；　or　guilt　over　Colavaere；　or　Lews　Therin's　disappearance　that　drove　him　to　shut　himself　away。
　　　〃There's　a　feast　of　sorts　in　four　days；〃　she　said　brightly；　〃at　the　half　moon。　The　Day　of　Repentance；　they　call　it　for　some　reason；　but　there　will　be　dancing　that　night。　Sedate　dancing；　I　hear；　but　any　dancing　is　better　than　none。〃　Carefully　tucking　a　thin　strip　of　leather　into　the　book；　she　placed　it　on　the　floor　beside　her。　〃That's　just　time　to　have　a　dress　made；　if　I　set　the　seamstress　to　work　today。　That　is；　if　you　mean　to　dance　with　me。〃
　　　He　pulled　his　gaze　away　from　her；　and　it　fell　on　a　cloth…covered　tray　beside　the　tall　doors。　Just　the　thought　of　food　made　him　queasy。　Nandera　was　not　supposed　to　let　anyone　in；　burn　her！　Least　of　all　Min。　He　had　not　mentioned　her　by　name；　but　he　had　said　no　one！　〃Min；　I　…　I　don't　know　what　to　say。　I　…　〃　
　　　〃Sheepherder；　you　look　like　what　the　dogs　fought　over。　Now　I　understand　why　Alanna　was　so　frantic；　even　if　I　don't　see　how　she　knew。　She　practically　begged　me　to　speak　to　you；　after　the　Maidens　turned　her　away　for　about　the　fifth　time。　Nandera　wouldn't　have　let　me　in　if　she　wasn't　in　a　lather　about　you　not　eating；　and　even　so；　I　had　to　do　a　little　begging　myself。　You　owe　me；　country　boy。〃
　　　Rand　flinched。　Images　of　himself　flashed　in　his　head；　him　tearing　at　her　clothes；　forcing　himself　on　her　like　a　mindless　beast。　He　owed　her　more　than　he　could　ever　pay。　Raking　a　hand　through　his　hair；　he　made　himself　turn　to　face　her。　She　had　tucked　her　feet　up　so　she　sat　cross…legged　in　the　chair；　leaning　her　fists　on　her　knees。　How　could　she　look　at　him　so　calmly？　〃Min；　there's　no　excuse　for　what　I　did。　If　there　was　any　justice　I'd　go　to　the　gallows。　If　I　could；　I'd　put　the　rope　around　my　neck　myself。　On　oath；　I　would。〃　The　words　tasted　bitter。　He　was　the　Dragon　Reborn；　and　she　would　have　to　wait　on　justice　until　the　Last　Battle。　What　a　fool　he　had　been　to　want　to　live　past　Tarmon　Gai'don。　He　did　not　deserve　to。
　　　〃What　are　you　talking　about；　sheepherder？〃　she　said　slowly。
　　　〃I'm　talking　about　what　I　did　to　you；〃　he　groaned。　How　could　he　have　done　that；　to　anyone；　but　most　of　all　to　her？　〃Min；　I　know　how　hard　it　is　for　you　to　be　in　the　same　room　with　me。〃　How　could　he　recall　the　soft　feel　of　her　so；　the　silkiness　of　her　skin？　After　he　had　torn　her　clothes　off。　〃I　never　thought　I　was　an　animal；　a　monster。〃　But　he　was。　He　loathed　himself　for　what　he　had　done。　And　loathed　himself　worse　because　he　wanted　to　do　it　again。　〃The　only　excuse　I　have　is　madness。　Cadsuane　was　right。　I　did　hear　voices。　Lews　Therin's　voice；　I　thought。　Can　you　…？　No。　No；　I　have　no　right　to　ask　you　to　forgive　me。　But　you　have　to　know　how　sorry　I　am；　Min。〃　He　was　sorry。　And　his　hands　ached　to　run　down　her　bare　back；　over　her　hips。　He　was　a　monster。　〃Bitterly　sorry。　At　least　know　that。〃
　　　She　sat　there　motionless；　staring　at　him　as　if　she　never　before　had　seen　his　like。　Now；　she　could　stop　pretending。　Now；　she　could　say　what　she　really　thought　of　him；　and　however　vile　it　was；　it　would　not　be　half　vile　enough。
　　　〃So　that's　why　you've　been　keeping　me　away；〃　she　said　finally。　〃You　listen　to　me；　you　wooden…headed　numbskull。　I　was　ready　to　cry　myself　to　dust　because　I'd　seen　one　death　too　many；　and　you；　you　were　about　to　do　the　same　for　the　same　reason。　What　we　did；　my　innocent　lamb；　was　fort　one　another。　Friends　fort　one　another　at　times　like　that。　Close　your　mouth；　you　Two　Rivers　hay…hair。〃
　　　He　did；　but　only　to　swallow。　He　thought　his　eyes　were　going　to　fall　onto　the　floorstones。　He　nearly　spluttered　getting　words　out。　〃forted？　Min；　if　the　Women's　Circle　back　home　heard　what　we　did　called　forting；　they'd　be　lining　up　to　peel　our　hides　if　we　were　fifty！〃
　　　〃At　least　it's　'we；'　now；　instead　of　'I；'　〃　she　said　grimly。　Rising　smoothly；　she　advanced　toward　him　shaking　a　furious　finger。　〃Do　you　think　I'm　a　doll；　farmboy？　Do　you　think　I　am　too　dimwitted　to　let　you　know　if　I　didn't　want　your　touch？　Do　you　think　I　couldn't　let　you　know　in　no　uncertain　terms？〃　Her　free　hand　produced　a　knife　from　under　her　coat；　gave　it　a　flourish　and　tucked　it　back　without　slowing　the　torrent。　〃I　remember　ripping　your　shirt　off　your　back　because　you　couldn't　pull　it　over　your　head　fast　enough　to　suit　me。　That's　how　little　I　wanted　your　arms　around　me！　I　did　with　you　what　I've　never　done　with　any　man　…　and　don't　you　think　I　was　never　tempted！　…　and　you　say　it　was　all　you！　As　if　I　wasn't　even　there！〃
　　　The　back　of　his　legs　hit　a　chair；　and　he　realized　he　had　been　backing　away　from　her。　Frowning　up　at　him；　she　muttered；　〃I　don't　think　I　like　you　looking　down　at　me　right　now。〃　Abruptly　she　kicked　him　hard　on　the　shin；　planted　both　hands　on　his　chest；　and　shoved。　He　toppled　into　the　chair　so　hard　it　nearly　went　over　backward。　Ringlets　swayed　as　she　gave　her　head　a　toss　and　adjusted　her　brocaded　coat。
　　　〃That's　as　may　be；　Min；　but　…　〃
　　　〃That's　as　is；　sheepherder；〃　she　cut　in　firmly；　〃and　if　you　say　different　again；　you　had　best　shout　for　the　Maidens　and　channel　for　all　you're　worth；　because　I'll　thump　you　around　this　room　till　you　squeal　for　mercy。　You　need　a　shave。　And　a　bath。〃
　　　Rand　took　a　deep　breath。　Perrin　had　such　a　serene　marriage；　with　a　smiling；　gentle　wife。　Why　was　it　that　he　always　seemed　drawn　to　women　who　spun　his　head　like　a　top？　If　only　he　knew　the　tenth　part　of　what　Mat　did　about　women；　he　would　have　known　what　to　say　to　all　that；　but　as　it　was；　all　he　could　do　was　blunder　on。　〃In　any　case；〃　he　said　cautiously；　〃there's　only　one　thing　I　can　do。〃
　　　〃And　what　might　that　be？〃　She　folded　her　arms　tight　beneath　her　breasts；　and　her　foot　began　tapping　ominously；　but　he　knew　this　was　the　right　thing　to　do。
　　　〃Send　you　away。〃　Just　as　he　had　Elayne；　and　Aviendha。　〃If　I　had　any　self…control；　I　wouldn't　have　…　〃　That　foot　started　tapping　faster。　Maybe　better　to　leave　that　alone。　forted？　Light！　〃Min；　anyone　close　to　me　is　in　danger。　The　Forsaken　aren't　the　only　ones　who　would　harm　somebody　near　me　just　on　the　chance　it　might　harm　me；　too。　And　now　there's　me；　as　well。　I　can't　control　my　temper　anymore。　Min；　I　nearly　killed　Perrin！　Cadsuane　was　right。　I'm　going　mad；　or　there　already。　I　have　to　send　you　away　so　you'll　be　safe。〃
　　　〃Who　is　this　Cadsuane？〃　she　said；　so　calmly　that　he　gave　a　start　at　noticing　that　her　foot　was　still　tapping。　〃Alanna　mentioned　that　name　as　if　she　was　the　Creator's　sister。　No；　don't　tell　me；　I　don't　care。〃　Not　that　she　gave　him　one　hair　of　a　gap　to　tell　anything。　〃I　don't　care　about　Perrin；　either。　You　would　hurt　me　as　soon　as　him。　I　think　that　great　public　fight　of　yours　was　a　fake；　is　what　I　think。　I　don't　care　about　your　temper；　and　I　don't　care　whether　you're　mad。　You　can't　be　very　mad；　or　you'd　not　be　worrying　about　it　so。　What　I　do　care　about。。。　〃
　　　She　bent　until　those　very　big；　very　dark　eyes　were　level　with　his；　not　a　great　distance　away；　and　suddenly　there　was　such　a　light　glaring　in　them　that　he　seized　saidin；　ready　to　defend　himself。　〃Send　me　away　to　be　safe？〃　she　growled。　〃How　dare　you？　What　right　do　you　think　you　have　to　send　me　anywhere？　You　need　me；　Rand　al'Thor！　If　I　told　you　half　the　viewings　I've　had　about　you；　half　your　hair　would　curl　and　the　rest　fall　out！　You　dare！　You　let　the　Maidens　face　any　risk　they　want；　and　you　want　to　send　me　away　like　a　child？〃
　　　〃I　don't　love　the　Maidens。〃　Floating　deep　in　the　emotionless　Void；　he　heard　those　words　spring　from　his　tongue；　and　shock　shattered　the　emptiness　and　sent　saidin　flying。
　　　〃Well；〃　Min　said；　straightening。　A　small　smile　added　more　curve　to　her　lips。　〃That's　out　of　the　way。〃　And　she　sat　down　on　his　lap。
　　　She　had　said　he　would　not　hurt　Perrin　any　more　than　he　would　her；　but　he　had　to　hurt　her　now。　He　had　to；　for　her　own　good。　〃I　love　Elayne；　too；〃　he　said　brutally。　〃And　Aviendha。　You　see　what　I　am？〃　For　some　reason；　that　did　not　seem　to　faze　her　at　all。
　　　〃Rhuarc　loves　more　than　one　woman；〃　she　said。　Her　smile　seemed　almost　of　Aes　Sedai　serenity。　〃So　does　Bael；　and　I　never　noticed　any　Trolloc's　horns　on　either。　No；　Rand；　you　love　me；　and