the complete works of artemus ward, part 1-第8部分

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with　a　roll　of　paper　in　his　hands；　and　used　it　to　play　with
throughout　the　lecture；　just　as　recently　at　the　Egyptian　Hall；　while
lecturing　on　the　Mormons；　he　invariably　made　use　of　a　lady's　riding…
whip　for　the　same　purpose。　　He　commenced　his　lecture　thus；　speaking
very　gravely　and　with　long　pauses　between　his　sentences；　allowing
his　audience　to　laugh　if　they　pleased；　but　seeming　to　utterly
disregard　their　laughter：

〃I　have　invited　you　to　listen　to　a　discourse　upon　Africa。　　Africa　is
my　subject。　　It　is　a　very　large　subject。　　It　has　the　Atlantic　Ocean
on　its　left　side；　the　Indian　Ocean　on　its　right；　and　more　water　than
you　could　measure　out　at　its　smaller　end。

Africa　produces　blacksivory　blacksthey　get　ivory。　　It　also
produces　deserts；　and　that　is　the　reason　it　is　so　much　deserted　by
travellers。　　Africa　is　famed　for　its　roses。　　It　has　the　red　rose；
the　white　rose；　and　the　neg…rose。　　Apropos　of　negroes；　let　me　tell
you　a　little　story。〃

Then　he　at　once　diverged　from　the　subject　of　Africa　to　retail　to　his
audience　his　amusing　story　of　the　Conversion　of　a　Negro；　which　he
subsequently　worked　up　into　an　article　in　the　Savage　Club　Papers；
and　entitled　〃Converting　the　Nigger。〃　　Never　once　again　in　the
course　of　the　lecture　did　he　refer　to　Africa；　until　the　time　having
arrived　for　him　to　conclude；　and　the　people　being　fairly　worn　out
with　laughter；　he　finished　up　by　saying；　〃Africa；　ladies　and
gentlemen；　is　my　subject。　　You　wish　me　to　tell　you　something　about
Africa。　　Africa　is　on　the　mapit　is　on　all　the　maps　of　Africa　that
I　have　ever　seen。　　You　may　buy　a　good　map　for　a　dollar；　and　if　you
study　it　well；　you　will　know　more　about　Africa　than　I　do。　　It　is　a
comprehensive　subject；　too　vast；　I　assure　you；　for　me　to　enter　upon
to…night。　　You　would　not　wish　me　to；　I　feel　thatI　feel　it　deeply；
and　I　am　very　sensitive。　　If　you　go　home　and　go　to　bed　it　will　be
better　for　you　than　to　go　with　me　to　Africa。〃

The　joke　about　the　〃neg…rose〃　has　since　run　the　gauntlet　of　nearly
all　the　minstrel　bands　throughout　England　and　America。　　All　the
〃bones；〃　every　〃middle…man；〃　and　all　〃end…men〃　of　the　burnt…cork
profession　have　used　Artemus　Ward　as　a　mine　wherein　to　dig　for　the
ore　which　provokes　laughter。　　He　has　been　the　〃cause　of　wit　in
others；〃　and　the　bread…winner　for　many　dozens　of　black…face
songsters〃singists〃　as　he　used　to　term　them。　　He　was　just　as　fond
of　visiting　their　entertainments　as　they　were　of　appropriating　his
jokes；　and　among　his　best　friends　in　New　York　were　the　brothers
Messrs　Neil　and　Dan　Bryant；　who　have　made　a　fortune　by　what　has　been
facetiously　termed　〃the　burnt…cork　opera。〃

It　was　in　his　〃Sixty　Minutes　in　Africa〃　lecture　that　Artemus　Ward
first　introduced　his　celebrated　satire　on　the　negro；　which　he
subsequently　put　into　print。　　〃The　African；〃　said　he；　〃may　be　our
brother。　　Several　highly　respectable　gentlemen　and　some　talented
females　tell　me　that　he　is；　and　for　argument's　sake　I　might　be
induced　to　grant　it；　though　I　don't　believe　it　myself。　　But　the
African　isn't　our　sister；　and　wife；　and　uncle。　　He　isn't　several　of
our　brothers　and　first　wife's　relations。　　He　isn't　our　grandfather
and　great　grandfather；　and　our　aunt　in　the　country。　　Scarcely。〃

It　may　easily　be　imagined　how　popular　this　joke　became　when　it　is
remembered　that　it　was　first　perpetrated　at　a　time　when　the　negro
question　was　so　much　debated　as　to　have　become　an　absolute　nuisance。
Nothing　else　was　talked　of；　nobody　would　talk　of　anything　but　the
negro。　　The　saying　arose　that　all　Americans　had　〃nigger…on
the…brain。〃　　The　topic　had　become　nauseous；　especially　to　the
Democratic　party；　and　Artemus　always　had　more　friends　among　them
than　among　the　Republicans。　　If　he　had　any　politics　at　all　he　was
certainly　a　Democrat。

War　had　arisen；　the　South　was　closed；　and　the　lecturing　arena
considerably　lessened。　　Artemus　Ward　determined　to　go　to　California。
Before　starting　for　that　side　of　the　American　continent；　he　wished
to　appear　in　the　city　of　New　York。　　He　engaged；　through　his　friend
Mr。　De　Walden；　the　large　hall　then　known　as　Niblo's；　in　front　of　the
Niblo's　Garden　Theatre；　and　now　used；　I　believe；　as　the　dining…room
of　the　Metropolitan　Hotel。　　At　that　period　Pepper's　Ghost　chanced　to
be　the　great　novelty　of　New　York　City；　and　Artemus　Ward　was　casting
about　for　a　novel　title　to　his　old　lecture。　　Whether　he　or　Mr。　De
Walden　selected　that　of　〃Artemus　Ward's　Struggle　with　a　Ghost〃　I　do
not　know；　but　I　think　that　it　was　Mr。　De　Walden's　choice。　　The　title
was　seasonable；　and　the　lecture　successful。　　Then　came　the　tour　to
California；　whither　I　proceeded　in　advance　to　warn　the　miners　on　the
Yuba；　the　travellers　on　the　Rio　Sacramento；　and　the　citizens　of　the
Chrysopolis　of　the　Pacific　that　〃A。　Ward〃　would　be　there　shortly。
In　California　the　lecture　was　advertised　under　its　old　name　of　〃The
Babes　in　the　Wood。〃　　Platt's　Hall　was　selected　for　the　scene　of
operation；　and；　so　popular　was　the　lecturer；　that　on　the　first　night
we　took　at　the　doors　more　than　sixteen　hundred　dollars　in　gold。　　The
crowd　proved　too　great　to　take　money　in　the　ordinary　manner；　and
hats　were　used　for　people　to　throw　their　dollars　in。　　One　hat　broke
through　at　the　crown。　　I　doubt　if　we　ever　knew　to　a　dollar　how　many
dollars　it　once　contained。

California　was　duly　travelled　over；　and　〃The　Babes　in　the　Wood〃
listened　to　with　laughter　in　its　flourishing　cities；　its
mining…camps　among　the　mountains；　and　its　〃new　placers　beside
gold…bedded　rivers。　　While　journeying　through　that　strangely…
beautiful　land；　the　serious　question　aroseWhat　was　to　be　done
next？　　After　Californiawhere？

Before　leaving　New　York；　it　had　been　a　favourite　scheme　of　Artemus
Ward　not　to　return　from　California　to　the　East　by　way　of　Panama；　but
to　come　home　across　the　Plains；　and　to　visit　Salt　Lake　City　by　the
way。　　The　difficulty　that　now　presented　itself　was；　that　winter　was
close　upon　us；　and　that　it　was　no　pleasant　thing　to　cross　the　Sierra
Nevada　and　scale　the　Rocky　Mountains　with　the　thermometer　far　below
freezingpoint。　　Nor　was　poor　Artemus　even　at　that　time　a　strong　man。
My　advice　was　to　return　to　Panama；　visit　the　West　India　Islands；　and
come　back　to　California　in　the　spring；　lecture　again　in　San
Francisco；　and　then　go　on　to　the　land　of　the　Mormons。　　Artemus
doubted　the　feasibility　of　this　plan；　and　the　decision　was
ultimately　arrived　at　to　try　the　journey　to　Salt　Lake。

Unfortunately　the　winter　turned　out　to　be　one　of　the　severest。　　When
we　arrived　at　Salt　Lake　City；　my　poor　friend　was　seized　with　typhoid
fever；　resulting　from　the　fatigue　we　had　undergone；　the　intense　cold
to　which　we　had　been　subjected；　and　the　excitement　of　being　on　a
journey　of　3500　miles　across　the　North　American　Continent；　when　the
Pacific　Railway　had　made　little　progress　and　the　Indians　were
reported　not　to　be　very　friendly。

The　story　of　the　trip　is　told　in　Artemus　Ward's　lecture。　　I　have
added　to　it；　at　the　special　request　of　the　publisher；　a　few
explanatory　notes；　the　purport　of　which　is　to　render　the　reader
acquainted　with　the　characteristics　of　the　lecturer's　delivery。　　For
the　benefit　of　those　who　never　had　an　opportunity　of　seeing　Artemus
Ward　nor　of　hearing　him　lecture；　I　may　be　pardoned　for　attempting　to
describe　the　man　himself。

In　stature　he　was　tall；　in　figure；　slender。　　At　any　time　during　our
acquaintance　his　height　must　have　been　disproportionate　to　his
weight。　　Like　his　brother　Cyrus；　who　died　a　few　years　before　him；
Charles　F。　Browne；　our　〃Artemus　Ward；〃　had　the　premonitory　signs　of
a　short　life　strongly　evident　in　his　early　manhood。　　There　were　the
lank　form；　the　long　pale　fingers；　the　very　white　pearly　teeth；　the
thin；　fine；　soft　hair；　the　undue　brightness　of　the　eyes；　the
excitable　and　even　irritable　disposition；　the　capricious　appetite；
and　the　alternately　jubilant　and　despondent　tone　of　mind　which　too
frequently　indicate　that　〃the　abhorred　fury　with　the　shears〃　is
waiting　too　near　at　hand　to　〃slit　the　thin…spun　life。〃　　His　hair　was
very　light…colored；　and　not　naturally　curly。　　He　used　to　joke　in　his
lecture　about　what　it　cost　him　to　keep　it　curled；　he　wore　a　very
large　moustache　without　any　beard　or　whiskers；　his　nose　was
exceedingly　prominent；　having　an　outline　not　unlike　that　of　the　late
Sir　Charles　Napier。　　His　forehead　was　large；　with；　to　use　the
language　of　the　phrenologists；　the　organs　of　the　perceptive
faculties　far　more　developed　than　those　of　the　imaginative　powers。
He　had　the　manner　and　bearing　of　a　naturally…born　gentleman。　　Great
was　the　disappointment　of　many　who；　having　read　his　humorous　papers
descriptive　of　his　exhibition　of　snakes　and　waxwork；　and　who　having
also　formed　their　ideas　of　him　from　the　absurd　pictures　which　had
been　attached　to　some　editions　of　his　works；　found　on　meeting　with
him　that　there　was　no　trace　of　the　showman　in　his　deportment；　and
little　to　call　up　to　their　mind　the　smart　Yankee　who　had　married
〃Betsy　Jane。〃　　There　was　nothing　to　indicate　that　he　had　not　lived　a
long　time　in　Europe　and　acquired　the　polish　which　men　gain　by　coming
in　contact　with　the　society　of　European　capitals。　　In　his
conversation　there　was　no　marked　peculiarity　of　accent　to　identify
him　as　an　American；　nor　any　of　the　braggadocio　which　some　of　his
countrymen　unadvisedly　assume。　　His　voice　was　soft；　gentle；　and
clear。　　He　could　make　himself　audible　in　the　largest　lecture…rooms
without　effort。　　His　style　of　lecturing　was　peculiar；　so　thoroughly
sui　generis；　that　I　know　of　no　one　with　whom　to　compare　him；　nor　can
any　description　very　well　convey　an　idea　of　that　which　it　was　like。
However　much　he　caused　his　audience　to　laugh；　no　smile　appeared　upon
his　own　face。　　It　was　grave；　even　to　solemnity；　while　he　was　giving
utterance　to　the　most　delicious　absurdities。　　His　assumption　of
indifference　to　that　which　he　was　saying；　his　happy　manner　of
letting　his　best　jokes　fall　from　his　lips　as　if　unconscious　of　their
being　jokes　at　all；　his　thorough　self…possession　on　the　platform；
and　keen　appreciation　of　that　which　suited　his　audience　and　that
which　did　not；　rendered　him　well　qualified　for　the　task　which　he　had
undertakenthat　of　amusing　the　public　with　a　humorous　lecture。　　He
understood　and　comp