tw.theburningman-第7部分

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ead。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　I　stole　into　my　stepfather's　chambers　early　the　next　morning。　He　had　sent　his　servants　away　weeks　before；　and　the　castle…folk　no　longer　dared　rap　on　his　doors　unless　summoned。　The　rooms　were　empty　but　for　my　stepfather　and　me。
　　　　　　　He　lay　sprawled　across　his　bed；　his　head　hanging　back　over　the　edge　of　the　pallet。　Had　I　not　known　how　moderate　most　of　his　habits　were；　I　would　have　thought　from　his　deep；　rough　breathing　and　the　way　he　had　disordered　the　blankets　that　he　had　drunk　himself　stuporous；　but　Sulis　seldom　took　even　a　single　cup　of　wine。
　　　　　　　The　key　to　the　locked　boxes　was　on　a　cord　around　his　neck。　As　I　tugged　it　out　of　his　shirt　with　as　much　care　as　I　could；　I　could　not　help　but　see　how　much　happier　he　appeared　with　the　blankness　of　sleep　on　him。　The　furrows　on　his　brow　had　loosened；　and　his　jaw　was　no　longer　clenched　in　the　grimace　of　distraction　that　had　bee　his　constant　expression。　In　that　moment；　although　I　hated　what　he　had　done　to　the　witch　Valada；　I　pitied　him。　Whatever　madness　had　overtaken　him　of　late；　he　had　been　a　kind　man　in　his　way；　in　his　time。
　　　　　　　He　stirred　and　made　an　indistinct　sound。　Heart　beating　swiftly；　I　hurried　to　draw　the　cord　and　key　over　his　head。
　　　　　　　When　I　had　found　the　wooden　chests　and　unlocked　them；　I　began　to　pull　out　and　examine　my　stepfather's　forbidden　books；　leafing　quickly　and　quietly　through　each　in　turn；　with　one　ear　cocked　for　changes　in　his　breathing。　Most　of　the　plainbourid　volumes　were　written　in　tongues　I　did　not　know；　two　or　three　in　characters　I　could　not　even　recognize。　Those　of　which　I　could　understand　a　little　seemed　to　contain　either　tales　of　the　fairy…folk　or　stories　about　the　High　Keep　during　the　time　of　the　Northmen。
　　　　　　　A　good　part　of　an　hour　had　passed　when　1　discovered　a　loosely…bound　book　titled　Writings　of　Vargellis　Sulis；　Seventh　Lord　of　Honsa　Sulis；　Now　Master　of　the　Sulean　House　in　Exile。　My　stepfather's　careful　hand　filled　the　first　pages　densely；　then　grew　larger　and　more　imperfect　as　it　continued；　until　the　final　pages　seemed　almost　to　have　been　scribed　by　a　child　still　learning　letters。
　　　　　　　A　noise　from　the　bed　startled　me；　but　my　stepfather　had　only　grunted　and　turned　on　his　side。　I　continued　through　the　book　as　swiftly　as　I　could。　It　seemed　to　be　only　the　most　recent　of　a　lifetime's　worth　of　writings　…　the　earliest　dates　in　the　volume　were　from　the　first　year　we　had　lived　in　the　High　Keep。　The　bulk　of　the　pages　listed　tasks　to　be　performed　in　the　High　Keep's　rebuilding；　and　records　of　important　judgements　Sulis　had　made　as　lord　of　the　keep　and　its　tenant　lands。　There　were　other　notations　of　a　more　personal　nature；　but　they　were　brief　and　unelaborated。　For　that　terrible　day　almost　three　years　earlier；　he　had　written　only：　Cynethrith　Dead　of　Chest　fever。　She　shall　be　Buried　on　the　Headland。
　　　　　　　The　sole　mention　of　me　was　a　single　sentence　from　several　months　before　…　Breda　happy　Today。　It　was　oddly　painful　to　me　that　my　sombre　stepfather　should　have　noticed　that　and　made　a　record　of　it。
　　　　　　　The　later　pages　held　almost　no　mention　of　the　affairs　of　either　home　or　governance；　as　in　daily　life　Sulis　had　also　lost　interest　in　both。　Instead；　there　were　more　and　more　notes　that　seemed　to　be　about　things　he　had　read　in　other　books　…　one　said　Plesinnen　claims　that　Mortality　is　consumed　in　God　as　a　Flame　consumes　Branch　or　Bough。　How　then　。。。　with　the　rest　smudged　…　one　word　might　have　been　nails；　and　further　on　I　could　make　out　Holy　Tree。　Another　of　his　notes　listed　several　Doorways　that　had　been　located　by　someone　named　Nisses；　with　explanations　next　to　each　that　explained　nothing　at　all　…　Shifted；　read　my　stepfather's　shaky　hand　beside　one；　or　from　a　Time　of　No　Occupation；　or　even；　Met　a　Dark　Thing。
　　　　　　　It　was　only　on　the　last　two　pages　that　I　found　references　to　the　woman　in　the　cell　below　the　throne　room。
　　　　　　　Have　at　Last　rec'd　Word　of　the　woman　called　Valada；　the　scrawl　stated。　No　one　else　Living　North　of　Perdruin　has　Knowledge　of　the　Black　Fire。　She　must　be　Made　to　Speak　what　she　knows。　Below　that；　in　another　day's　even　less　disciplined　hand；　was　written；　The　Witch　balks　me；　but　I　cannot　have　another　Failure　as　on　the　Eve　of　Etysiamansa。　Stoning　Night　will　be　next　Time　of　strong　Voices　beneath　the　Keep。　Walls　will　be　Thin。　She　will　show　me　the　Way　of　Black　Fire　or　there　is　no　other　Hope。　Either　she　will　answer；　or　Death。
　　　　　　　I　sat　back；　trying　to　make　sense　of　it　all。　Whatever　my　stepfather　planned　it　would　happen　soon　…　Stoning　Night　was　the　last　night　of　Avrel；　only　a　few　days　away。　I　could　not　tell　from　his　writings　if　the　witch　was　still　in　danger　…　did　he　mean　to　kill　her　if　she　failed；　or　only　if　she　tried　to　cheat　his　bargain　with　her？　…　but　I　had　no　doubt　that　this　search　for　the　thing　called　Black　Fire　would　bring　danger　to　everyone　else；　most　importantly　and　most　frighteningly　my　soldier；　Tellarin。　Again　my　stepfather　murmured　in　his　sleep；　an　unhappy　sound。　I　locked　his　books　away　and　stole　out　again。
　　　　　　　All　that　day　1　felt　distracted　and　feverish；　but　this　time　it　was　not　love　that　fevered　me。　I　was　terrified　for　my　lover　and　fearful　for　my　stepfather　and　the　witch　Valada；　but　what　I　knew　and　how　I　had　discovered　it　I　could　not　tell　to　anyone。　For　the　first　time　since　my　soldier　had　kissed　me；　I　felt　alone。　I　was　full　up　with　secrets；　and　unlike　Sulis；　had　not　even　a　book　to　which　they　could　be　confided。
　　　　　　　I　would　follow　them；　I　decided　at　last。　I　would　follow　them　into　the　place　my　stepfather　spoke　of；　the　place　beneath　the　keep　where　the　walls　were　thin　and　the　voices　strong。　While　they　searched　for　the　Black　Fire；　I　would　watch　for　danger。　I　would　protect　them　all。　I　would　be　their　angel。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　Stoning　Night　came　around　at　last。
　　　　　　　Even　had　I　not　read　my　stepfather's　writings；　I　think　I　would　have　known　that　the　hour　had　e　in　which　they　meant　to　search　for　Black　Fire；　because　Tellarin　was　so　distracted　and　full　of　shadows。　Although　he　admitted　nothing　to　me　as　we　lay　together　in　my　bedchamber；　I　could　feel　that　he　was　anxious　about　what　would　happen　that　night。　But　he　was　bound　to　my　stepfather　by　honour　and　blood；　and　had　no　choice。
　　　　　　　He　snapped　at　me　when　I　kissed　his　ear　and　curled　my　fingers　in　his　hair。　'Give　a　man　some　peace；　girl。'
　　　　　　　'Why　are　you　a　man　and　I　am　a　girl？'　I　teased　him；　pretending　a　lightness　I　did　not　truly　feel。　'Is　there　such　a　difference　in　our　ages？　Have　I　not　given　to　you　already　that　which　makes　me　a　woman？'
　　　　　　　My　soldier　was　short…tempered　and　did　not　hear　the　love　in　what　I　said。　'Anybody　who　will　not　leave　off　when　she　is　asked　proves　herself　still　a　child。　And　I　am　a　man　because　I　wear　a　soldier's　badge；　and　because　if　my　master　asks；　I　must　give　my　life。'
　　　　　　　Tellarin　was　five　years　my　elder；　and　in　those　long…ago　days　I　was　almost　as　impressed　by　the　difference　as　he　was；　but　I　think　now　that　all　men　are　youngerr　than　their　women；　especially　when　their　honour　has　been　touched。
　　　　　　　As　he　stared　at　the　ceiling　his　face　turned　from　angry　to　solemn；　and　I　knew　he　was　thinking　of　what　he　must　do　that　night。　I　was　frightened　too；　so　I　kissed　him　again；　softly　this　time；　and　apologized。　When　he　had　gone；　full　of　excuses　meant　to　hide　his　actual　task；　I　prepared　for　my　own　journey。　I　had　hidden　my　thickest　cloak　and　six　fat　candles　where　Ulca　and　the　other　serving…women　would　not　find　them。　When　I　was　dressed　and　ready；　I　touched　my　mother's　golden　Tree　where　it　lay　against　my　heart；　and　said　a　prayer　for　the　safety　of　all　who　would　go　with　me　into　darkness。
　　　　　　　Stoning　Night　…　the　last　night　of　Avrel；　on　the　eve　of　Maia…month；　the　black　hours　when　tales　say　spirits　walk　until　driven　back　to　their　graves　by　dawn　and　the　crowing　cock。　The　High　Keep　lay　silent　around　me　as　I　followed　my　beloved　and　the　others　through　the　dark。　It　did　not　feel　so　much　that　the　castle　slept　as　that　the　great　keep　held　its　breath　and　waited。
　　　　　　　There　is　a　stairwell　beneath　the　Angel　Tower；　and　that　was　where　they　were　bound。　I　learned　of　it　for　the　first　time　on　that　night；　as　I　stood　wrapped　in　my　dark　cloak；　listening　from　the　shadows　of　the　wall　opposite　the　tower。　Those　I　followed　were　four　…　my　stepfather；　Tellarin　and　his　friend　Avalles；　and　the　woman　Valada。　Despite　the　bargain　she　had　made；　the　witch's　arms　were　still　chained。　It　saddened　me　to　see　her　restrained　like　an　animal。
　　　　　　　The　workmen　who　had　been　repairing　the　tower　had　laid　a　rough　wooden　floor　over　the　broken　stones　of　the　old　one　…　perhaps　to　make　certain　no　one　fell　down　one　of　the　many　holes；　perhaps　simply　to　close　off　any　openings　into　the　castle's　deepest　places。　Some　had　even　suggested　that　all　the　old　castle　floor　should　be　sealed　under　brick；　so　that　nothing　would　ever　e　up　that　way　to　trouble　the　sleep　of　God…fearing　folk。
　　　　　　　Because　of　this　wooden　floor；　I　waited　a　long　time　before　following　them　through　the　tower's　outer　portal；　knowing　it　would　take　some　time　for　my　stepfather　and　his　two　bondmen　to　shift　the　boards。　As　I　lurked　in　the　shadows　by　the　tower　wall　while　the　wind　prowled　the　Inner　Bailey；　I　thought　about　the　Angel　who　stood　at　the　top　of　the　tower；　a　figure　black　with　the　grime　of　centuries　that　no　rain　could　wash　away；　tipped　sideways　as　though　about　to　lose　her　balance　and　fall。　Who　was　she？　One　of　the　blessed　saints？　Was　it　an　omen　…　did　she　watch　over　me　as　I　meant　to　look　over　Tellarin　and　the　rest？　I　looked　up；　but　the　tower's　high　top　was　invisible　in　the　night。
　　　　　　　At　last　I　tried　the　latch　of　the　tower　door　and　found　the　bolt　had　not　been　shot。　I　hoped　that　it　meant　the　Angel　was　indeed　looking　out　for　me。
　　　　　　　Inside　the　tower　the　moonlight　ended；　so　while　still　in　the　doorway　I　lit　my　first　candle　from　the　hidden　touchwood；　which　had　nearly　burnt　down。　My　footsteps　seemed　frighteningly　loud　in　the　stony　entry　hall　but　no　one　appeared　from　the　shadows　to　demand　my　business　in　that　place。　I　heard　no　sound　of　my　stepfather　or　the　rest。
　　　　　　　I　paused　for　a　moment　in　front　of　the　great；　upward…winding　staircase　and　could　not　help　but　wonder　what　the　workmen　would　find　when　they　cleared　the　rubble　and　reached　the　top　…　as　I　still　wonder　all　these　years　later；　with　the　painstaking　work　yet　unfinished。　I　suppose